Therapy, The Therapist And Me
When I saw my therapist on Friday, I said to her in a very aggravated tone, “I am sick and tired of the remaining PTSD symptoms that I have because they wreck my life. I’ve already lost so much and I just want them gone.” Of course, she was calm and she pointed out all the things that I have already moved past. My therapist also told me that I was very strong because not only have I gone through many life changes at once, but I actually followed through with trying to conquer them. I felt like rolling my eyes at her, but I restrained myself.
Let me give you an example of what my therapist meant…Unless you work at getting rid of PTSD, it is not going to leave your life. So if you try to drink away the pain, not only is there a high possibility that you will become consumed with alcohol, but the drinking will exacerbate the PTSD. The same result applies if you take too many drugs, become a total pothead (smoke marijuana constantly) or become overly sexual. All these things would temporarily dull the pain and symptoms, but in the long run it makes the PTSD worse.
In order to actually get “well” and eliminate PTSD from your life, you must work at it…constantly. Obviously, I’m sick of it. I want my life back and yet I know that the life I once had is gone.
My daughter is now grown.
My husband is gone.
I live in a different place.
I can’t eat grain anymore.
I have a different job.
I am a different person.
Keeping a hopeful heart and a positive outlook is truly a daunting task which I fail at sometimes. I miss me. I think in many ways I have become a better me, but I miss my naivety to the painful truth of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
I have a lot of sadness. Although I diligently work on getting “better” by going to therapy, listening to the therapeutic CD’s and practicing all that I’ve learned, it has been such a hard struggle. Writing on my blog gave me a touch point to the old me while helping me cope with the new me. To have started blogging for one intention and in the end having it save me, causes such a stir of emotion within my heart. I can’t even express my gratitude for this outlet of expression.
It is hard to have so many unfamiliar things in my life without someone to lean on and hold me. I know that I’m not the only one that struggles through personal hardships or who lives without a companion. I guess I’m just more vocal about all of it and the night always seems to make everything a little bit sadder.
Haiku – A Poem
Reality
Soft breeze, slivered moon,
Winter’s darkness absorbs day
In the cold night air.
Haunting memories
Flow constantly through my mind
As sobbing begins.
Tear stained broken heart
Wishes for morning to come
To bring hope again.
Such a bummer. I think I’ll hop over and read 50 Motivational/Inspirational Quotes & Proverbs To Lift Your Spirit by someone that I know very, very well. 😉
Before I go, I just want to say that I’m actually proud of how I’ve made it to this point. I didn’t think I was strong enough to survive, so I’m giving myself a high five and slap on the butt today. Yikes! That’s not as firm as it used to be! I guess I should exercise. LOL
Oh, one more thing…I took the picture of the moon, so you can tell me how awesome it is in the comments below and you can give me a high five, but don’t slap my butt. LOL
Hey … you are awesome … that is a wonderful blog … if you can write that you must be over it Sherry
Thanks Stan 😀
I loved your poem “Reality” and the photograph that you took of the moon. The reality is this: You are a very talented and potent writer! (You are also a very talented photographer with a very artistic eye!) Someday soon you will be a published writer when your book comes out on PTSD and it will be a bestseller. All that you have gone through and are still going through will not be in vain. Your book will be a groundbreaking book on PTSD, told from the prospective of someone who went through PTSD and survived. Your book will give many people who are suffering with PTSD hope! 🙂
Thank you! I hope you’re right about the book. I don’t want all this pain and struggle to be for naught. {{hugsss}}
This is a very inspirational blog in itself. I don’t need to look further to get myself pumped up. By having the courage to face your PTSD and blog about it publicly you have not only helped your self but many others I’m sure. The picture is beautiful but the poem is much more so! Love you girlie!
{{{hugsss}}} and thank you Colleen!
Thanks for being here and helping others too. Methinks, you stood very still to take that most awesome photo of the moon. 😉 Glad you are making progress with the PTSD. Hugs!
Yes I did stand very still AND held my breath in order to get that moon shot. Thank you for the hugs and right backatcha!
Awesome photo and wonderful haiku ~ ^_^
Happy New Year ^_^ (A Creative Harbor) aka artmusedog and CArol ^_^
Thank you!
I discovered your site and when I read your articles on PTSD I was astounded – your words were everything I had felt this last 14 months and continue to feel, yet it has been so hard for those I know to understand. I was beginning to feel it was just me. I read and know all the things I am supposed to do, but they did not work, and any improvement has been incremental with set backs that eliminate many of the gains. However, I see this is a long journey to recovery – maybe not a new and better person, certainly not the old person, but a different person. I too find the one thing I can still do, and do well, is write. Blogging our feelings makes so much sense if it helps others while also helping ourselves.
Graham,
{{{HUGE HUGSSSS}}} I’m sorry you have suffered like me with PTSD. It is a long journey and it does continue to be painful, but we can and will eventually be rid of this demon. I hope you have a good therapist because it is key to your improvement. Also, they should be giving you homework to work on until the next appointment – books, CDs, workbooks, etc. Something to keep you focused on your recovery between appointments with the therapist. If you were to read my blog for the past three years from beginning to end, you would see that I have setbacks too. Things happen that overwhelm me and throw me right back into PTSD symptoms I thought were over and gone. The important thing is that I keep my eyes forward with determination to be whole again. I will NOT give up. You will be whole again too. {{{Another HUGE HUG}}}