they come not single spies,
but in battalions!”
My life is truly nothing to smile about lately and to be quite honest, I am not coping well at all. Due to unforeseen circumstances over the past few days I have missed all scheduled writing. I also was not near my computer in order to capture the information for all the participation in my community so that I could recognize their wonderful and thoughtful efforts.
I feel like a failure in so many senses of the word.
I am at the point where I want to crawl into a cave and disappear to escape the pain and the choices ahead that now engulf me.
Something in my head keeps screaming, “You can’t give up,” and yet I know that in reality, I can if I so choose.
I am struggling and today I don’t care any more.
Quitting life seems like the best option.
Then I remember my sweet daughter, so how can I quit? I must love her enough to continue, but even that doesn’t make me want to try.
But one can’t really quit life short of suicide and that is definitely out of the question. I also don’t know of any nearby caves to crawl in either.
So, I am rather stuck.
I don’t want pity.
I don’t even want sympathy.
I only want to be appreciated for my efforts, sacrifices and have love returned.
Surely, I am at least worth that or is my existence pointless?
Forgive me for falling so short of the mark the past few days. Everything is just too overwhelming right now. Even the battery in my mouse that is at critical low seems to fill my space with unhappiness.
My dad is dying.
My marriage is almost non-existent.
And according to my husband,
My blog is stupid.
I am going to end this “stupid” blog post now, go feel sorry for myself and cry some more. Then I guess I will kick myself in the butt, put on a smile and resume life even if I have to fake it.
One way or the other I will continue to struggle another day.
and patience for the small ones;
and when you have laboriously
accomplished your daily task,
go to sleep in peace. God is awake.”
If you wish to comment, please tell us:
- how you cope with tragedy
- how you show love for your family
- how you show respect for your spouse and vice versa
- how you show appreciation for your spouse and vice versa
Oh. Did you notice the new ads in the right side bar? Please go check them out!
Oh my goodness. I don't come often, heck my blogging is at a zero lately. But I saw this on facebook and had to come.
I am sorry things are not going good right now. What your husband said is just mean..I just want to punch him!
I am glad you are not doing something drastic.
{{Hugs}}
Red, I am sorry for what you are going through. I just want you to know that YOU ARE APPRECIATED more than you know! You do more than anyone for helping other bloggers promote their blogs. Not just getting us to go to your community but showing us how to do things.
Your blog is awesome! I hate to disagree with your spouse, but it is highly intelligent. I guess it is a good thing that he is not the one writing a blog! Hang in there. If you can get past the bumps in the road, who knows what lies beyond? {{{{LOTS OF HUGS}}}}
katlupe
When things got really bad for me, I stopped focusing on the big picture. It was so scary and daughting, I would have easily folded if I looked at all of my troubles at once. I put on blinders, and asked myself "what do I need to do today in order to prepare for what is needed for tomorrow?" If it wasn't an immediate issue, I put it in the "later" box inside my head.
I have experienced intense loss and heartache and rather than allow it to define who I am, I choose to overcome it and move forward. My mom committed suicide just over 5 years ago and although I mourn her death and will probably never stop, loosing her is not "who I am" but rather something that happened to me during my life. I hope this makes a tad bit of sense 🙂
Blessings.
J
http://www.gfinkfamily.blogspot.com
Beneath the Acacia Tree
Don't quit! Don't believe the lies about your blog or your life. You are a child of God! If your dad is a believer is will pass from this life into Glory! Find peace Child of God! Find peace!!!! Lovey
Red, you are such a blessing! I enjoy your blog! I learn from you often!
Praying for your dad, praying for your family and praying for your heart to be comforted….
Oh Red,
Even the people who do the most for others have really bad times. This is what you are going through. This is where you need to use your head and not your feelings to realize and know how much you do to help so many people (thousands I am sure) in many different ways. I think you are the, or one of the lead bloggers who give INTELLIGENT and uplifting content that actually helps people through their days.
I wish there was more I could do for you than just write words. YOU have become a large part of peoples world. Now that doesn't mean you have to be there every minute for your "audience". Not at all, you take time whenever you need to pull yourself together, to go take a day off, to do anything, and DON'T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT!! None of us show up perfect everyday and do everything perfect. Don't make rules for yourself too difficult.
Sometimes life just sucks, we all go through it at different levels. Husbands can just be ignorant of things, especially women's issue type things so he obviously does not understand blogging in general and your blog in particular. (could their be a bit of jealousy there?) no need to answer that.
We love you and I am glad that you are comfortable enough to tell us all about what you are going through, so that we can add our small little bit of help.
xoxo Sandy of Toby and Max Jewelry
I wish I had the words to encourage you to go on. You are right about living for your daughter. but you also need to live for yourself. Can you talk to a friend, pastor, therapist or some one to help you through this time? Talking can help. Your blog is a great outlet, too. We don't mind if you unload on us. Husbands can be insensitive…don't believe him. We appreciate your entries.
I lost my mom in June. It was hard to see her go but it was harder to see her suffer. She was 88. I am thankful she no longer has to suffer. I hope your dad is at peace with where he is now.
To cope with tragedy is a tough one I tend to seek out good or good in nature and always simplicity.
Love for family comes by respecting who they are and giving the unexpected.
Be still your heart
Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow
Hi Red, We as human beings must go through suffering just as Jesus did. He suffered more than any of us, because he had to, so that we could be forgiven of our sins. Now the reason I say he suffered more than any of us is this– "Would you be willing to go through torture and death to save another human being beside yourself or your children?" If you can answer yes, than you can go through anything if not" than be patient and have faith in Jesus just as he did when he died for our sins.
You'll be just fine Red. I will pray for you.
it looks to me as though over 1300 people disagree with your husband. in any case, he is probably just projecting his own feelings about himself.
i've always been a believer in therapy. we go to the doctor for physical ailments but not for emotional turmoil.
just go on your own, for yourself.
"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over
it became a butterfly"
–anonymous
You are an inspiration to many and your blog is refreshing, encouraging, and wonderful.
This verse helps me when I feel alone and discouraged with people: "For the Holy Spirit, God's gift, does not want [me] to be afraid of people, but to be wise and strong, and to love them and enjoy being with them" (II Timothy 1:7).
Sending good thoughts and vibes your way. Use your blogging community for support- we treasure you!
I'm truly sorry about your dad. I have no uplifting words that can make you feel better about this situation. Other than…it's OK to cry, kick, and scream if you want to. Then when you're through try to hear these words, "You do matter". When you didn't know it, your words have been encouraging to others. And I bet you're blog has kept some lonely people pretty good company. I don't know what your husband thinks is so stupid about your blog, but I enjoy your posts.
Know this, God does not close a door when he doesn't open a window. Sometimes we have to hit bottom to have enough courage to go in a different (better) direction. Hang in there and keep your chin up. God loves you (even though you may not feel it right now).
Red
I wish I could help you feel better. First off, I love your blog and read it daily. I learn a lot and relate with many of your same feelings.
I too have had a marriage that has been almost nonexistent due to choices of my long time partner. It is sad and I am trying to learn forgiveness and a stronger love.
I am finding that I am having to learn to make me happy…and am hoping that will reflect upon my family.
I am sure this is not helping, but I believe you are a daughter of God and deserve peace and happiness.
HUGS!!!
You are amazing and your blog is wonderful. I am so sorry you are feeling otherwise – I think we all do at one time or another.
how you cope with tragedy – I cry. Loud and hard. And I eat too much.
how you show love for your family – making the little moments count – praising the specifics and looking at my children in the eyes when we talk.
how you show respect for your spouse and vice versa – giving him his alone time when he has had enough – he does the same for me.
how you show appreciation for your spouse and vice versa – saying thank you for specific things
So sorry about everything you are going through 🙁 Sorry your husband is so insensitive & mean. He shouldn't speak to you in that way. I don't cope pretty good with tragedy…I tend to bottle everything inside when it comes to things like that. I show love to my family through everything I do….by telling them daily that I love them. My spouse & I show respect/appreciation for eachother my being considerate of eachother, by working as a team, by doing things for eachother without being asked, & by showing love to eachother. I was in a bad marriage many moons ago & the only thing I regret is not getting out of it sooner. I will be praying for your dad's health & for you & your family. You are not alone so keep your head up. **hugs**
Red,
This is my first visit to your blog and I can assure you that nothing that stirs emotions so enourmously. I felt your sadness and can empathize. In fct, when I began my own blog it was purely to write out all of my sadness and frustrations so I could look at life objectivly. Perhaps we can help you look objectivly at what you cannot see.
My thoughts stay with you…Jamie
http://jamieccouncil-findingbliss.blogspot.com/
I know it's easier said than done, but stick in there! I don't know one person who hasn't gone through depressing times, you are not along and you are worthy.
Thinking and praying for you.
Take care,
Lisa
(((hug))) Don't give up. I am so sorry for everything you are going through right now.
Hey RR. I don't want you to spend another nanosecond feeling sorry for yourself. That is not the empowered women who I consider my blogging mentor and whose blog I look to for inspiration. If your inner voice is telling you to quit, tell it to shut up! If your husband's voice is telling you that your blog is stupid, ask him what is really the matter. It seems he is mad about something else. But whatever the compromise is, you shouldn't have to sacrifice something that makes you happy (unless it is no longer making you happy). Be strong my friend!
Hang in there. Get lots of sleep and take care of yourself. Anyone who quotes Hamlet is cool in my book.
Hi,
I just was notified that you're following me on Blog Frog, so I popped over to check you out, and OUCH!
Life isn't always easy, and there's not one married couple out there who hasn't had a rough patch or two. It's part of that "for better or worse" clause they throw in the ceremony, so you hang in there. My husband will be the first to tell you that men are idiots.
How do I deal with tragedy? Come on over…
http://sunnyslifeinrehab.blogspot.com/2010/08/happy-flammaversary.html
Dear Rita,
Do not give up! I am so very sorry for the difficult time you are having. Life can be very tough sometimes. Be strong! Cry if you need to. My husband always tells me, "Don't feel bad about feeling bad." You are stronger than you think you are.
Sorry to hear about your dad. Well, and everything else, of course, but the sick parent is the thing I can relate to the most. I lost my mom to cancer 6 years ago and it was the hardest thing I had ever gone through. And I miss her like crazy, still, six years later. But I CAN tell you this: You *will* get through it. Do all you can to be there for your dad now, and try to just be in the moment as much as you can. The moments will pass no matter how you spend them, so you may as well live them with as much joy as you can.
And know that, as you walk through these days, you will eventually emerge stronger, and wiser, and with more perspective on this beautiful thing called life. And that will be a good thing.
With your husband… I guess you have to decide if it's worth it to stay. If it is, work like hell to make it work. Try again. And again, and again. If it's not, then don't. Rise above. And move on.
Becca
I saw your post last night, and I only had a chance to post today. I want to tell you several things.
First of all, I had wondered where you were and why I wasn't finding your posts. I always look forward to your blog posts, and you are a very gifted writer.
Secondly, all of us have points when we want to give up on life. Trust me, I've been there. I went through a nasty divorce, and I won't go through all that now, but I can remember feeling like I just didn't want to go one.
Third, your blog is not stupid. Not at all! As I said, I look forward to it, and if it was gone, there would be a bright spot in my life gone. You have one of the most eclectic blogs out there!
And finally, it sounds like your marriage is struggling somewhat. I don't know the details, and I don't have to. But I know what it is like to be in a bad marriage–I had to get out since he was bipolar or something like that. I was married 10 years, and most of it was just coexistence. He was a control freak, and when I began to stand up for who I was, he didn't like it.
I want you to know I am praying now for you. You will get past this, but just don't give up. Work through your emotions. Do whatever you have to within the realm of decency.
Blessings!
I'm just catching up. So sorry that you are struggling with all of this right now. I'm also sorry that your husband is being an ass.
Your blog is far from stupid. You have a gift. I look forward to reading your wonderful words because they always connect with me.
I know whatever I say won't ease your pain. Just know that I am praying for you. Don't quit. This will pass.
I just commented on the hear cloud post as well that I just gave birth to a stillborn baby girl, Mabel Joan, in June. I have had more than a few days like this since then. It is incredibly hard to be what we want to be for the people who we love when we have heavy burdens. Advice? Keep breathing in and out and know that all will be well. I don't believe that we need to put on a happy face every day of our lives. Hang in!
I don't think any blogs are stupid. I have 3 active blogs and I suppose they might seem stupid, but I enjoy it. I just found your blog and I'm really liking what I'm reading.
Your blog isn't stupid.
I'm also glad you haven't quit.