Natchitoches
A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch.
At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?”
She leaned over the counter and said, “Burrr-gerrr Kiiing.”
Senior Citizen
Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again asking why I didn’t do something useful with my time. Like sitting around the pool and drinking is not a good thing, I said.
Talking about my “doing something useful” seems to be her favorite topic of conversation. She was “only thinking of me” she said, and suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys.
I did this and when I got home last night I decided to teach her a lesson about staying out of my business. I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a parachute club.
She replied, “Are you nuts? You are 80 years old, and now you’re going to start jumping out of airplanes?” I told her that I even got a membership card and e-mailed a copy to her.
She immediately telephoned me, “Good grief, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!!”
“Oh man, I’m in trouble again; I really don’t know what to do… I signed up for five jumps a week.”
The line went quiet and her friend picked up the phone and said that my daughter had fainted.
Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier but sometimes it can be fun.
A Bad Day
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for a half hour. Then a big trouble making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry.”
“No, it’s not that,” the man replies, wiping his tears, “This day is the worst of my life. First, I oversleep and I go in late to my office. My outraged boss fires me. When I leave the building to go to my car, I find out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to go home, and when I get out, I remember I left my wallet. The cab driver just drives away. I go inside my house where I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave my home, come to this bar, and just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”
The Genius
A proud and confident genius makes a bet with an idiot. The genius says, “Hey idiot, every question I ask you that you don’t know the answer, you have to give me $5. And if you ask me a question and I can’t answer yours I will give you $5,000.”
The idiot says, “Okay.”
The genius then asks, “How many continents are there in the world?”
The idiot doesn’t know and hands over the $5.
The idiot says, “Now me ask: what animal stands with two legs but sleeps with three?”
The genius tries and searches very hard for the answer but gives up and hands over the $5000.
The genius says, “Dang it, I lost. By the way, what was the answer to your question?”
The idiot hands over $5.
ROFLOL!!! love ’em all!!!
the first one reminds me of one told by the late Marshall Dodge, famed for his ‘Bert & I’ sketches:
I was a spectatuh up t’ the Scowhegan fair last summah… they had stock cah racin’, divin’ from the high platfohm, an’ teams of horses pullin’ against each othah… ev’ry summah they got a feachah attraction… yeahs ago they’d had William Jennings Bryan up t’ regive his ‘Cross of Gold’ speach… this yeah the feachah was the releasin’ of a lightah than air balloon at twelve o’clock on the last day of the fair… Howard Perkins & I won the raffle t’ take ‘er up… aftah a few words of instruction, we climbed into the gondola, cut the moorin’ lines, an’ were out of sight in about four minutes… we were ovah the ocean in an hour, when the wind veered north and took us back ovah land… we let some o’ the gas out [whooooshhhh] and come down t’ see where we were… saw a farmah plowin’ in the field… so I leaned ovah and cried out: “where are we?” “y’ in a balloon, ya damn’ fool!”
🙂 Cute Skip!
your second joke also reminds me of another one:
Mother Superior was interviewing the novitiates, asking each what were her goals when she became a nun; some said they wanted to be teachers, others nurses, yet others missionaries. Finally one said “I want to be a prostitute.”
Mother Superior gasped, reeled, & fainted. Everyone rushed to her aid, bringing her water, wine, & smelling salts. Finally regaining consciousness, she turned to the novitiate, fixed her with a withering glare, & demanded: “What – did – you – say???”
“I said I want to be a prostitute.”
“Jaysus, Mary & Jooseph – saints presairve oss – thank heaven above! I thought you said Protestant!”
Oh my! 😉
Thank you for the laughs! 🙂 <3 Have a great day! *hugs*
My pleasure Kenny! Thank you! {{{hugsss}}}
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the ”Shell” station! 😛
ouch!!! 😛
😛
In Texas, we tell the same joke with how to pronounce Bexar County and the punch line is Dairy Queen. Always good for a chuckle. Thanks for sharing with the Thursday Blog Hop!
LOL 😉
Great jokes. Have borrowed them for my sites. Thanks!
You’re very welcome! I’m so glad you enjoyed them! 😀
Some great jokes.
🙂 Glad you like them Peter.