I’m just going to flat out say it…
I feel fat.
I feel frustratingly fat because I am fat.
I know that’s probably not politically correct, but to be honest, I’m getting kind of tired of all the politically correct talk these days. Instead of stating that I’m overweight, I feel much better by not sugar-coating it and boldly saying that according to me, I’m fat and I feel fat. So if you are offended with the “fat” word, you probably shouldn’t read this post because I bet I’m going to say “fat” a million times.
When my grain allergy was undiagnosed and I was still eating grain, the allergic reaction got so bad that I started gaining weight everyday. It was horrible and depressing because I felt totally powerless to change what was happening to my body.
Then after a very long year, lots of pain, rash everywhere, constant nausea, splitting headaches, non-existent self-esteem, high body loathing and an allergic reaction that caused my esophagus to swell so much that it nearly cut off all my air supply, a doctor finally figured out what was happening to me.
I’ll never forget the doctor saying, “Never eat grain again.” It was so dramatic and life altering that I couldn’t even wrap my mind around a grain free diet.
That was two and a half years ago.
When I stopped eating ALL grain, I immediately started losing the weight that my allergy had packed onto my body. It literally fell off of me. I was thrilled. No, I was ecstatic! I knew I would never be as small as my petite daughter who through junior high and high school progressed from wearing size 000 jeans to just size 0 jeans, but if I got down to pre-pregnancy weight I would be happy again. Of course, I’m talking about being the same weight as I was in my twenties.
So the weight kept disappearing and then the losing stopped. Unfortunately, the stress in my life increased at the same time. Now I’m at the point where I want to go into the kitchen, take out a knife and widdle away the fat I don’t want sticking to my body. I know I’m making it sound like I’m three hundred pounds overweight, but I don’t know how to be even slightly overweight and happy about it. I WANT A FLAT STOMACH.
I was thinking about why the weight loss probably plateaued.
- I eat a lot of nut products now and they are higher in fat.
- I don’t exercise.
- I am at home most of the time instead of at an office job where I would have to walk more.
- I’m older and going through that menopause stage although for the most part, I can’t tell it. Maybe that was too much information for the men. If so, sorry guys. LOL
Anyway, I can’t stop thinking about the fat on my body. I simply don’t want it there anymore. I am even starting to research products that are grain free that will help me lose weight the healthy way. There’s not that many, but THAT’s how sick I am of feeling fat.
If you actually saw me in person, you wouldn’t say, “That’s a fat girl!” but you also wouldn’t say, “What a skinny toothpick.” I guess the fat is just all over my body, so I don’t look fat to most people. Since I don’t have scales at home, my guess would be that I am thirty pounds overweight. It’s enough fat that it is doing a number on my self-esteem and making me feel ugly, so something has got to change because I refuse to go through the rest of my life feeling fat and feeling ugly. Obviously my body image, the mental picture I have of my body, is basically pathetic. My therapist would say that I’m exhibiting “stinkin’ thinkin'” right now and she’s probably right.
I said “probably,” not “definitely”.
Things That Give You The Fat Feeling
I know part of the reason I’m feeling fat is because a couple days ago I went out to dinner with friends at a Mexican restaurant. Although I didn’t eat a burrito or three baskets of chips with salsa like I wanted to do and like I used to do, I’m pretty sure that the fajita meat I ordered was cooked using corn oil. By that evening, I was itching, hot and my face felt as if it was being blown up like a balloon. So I started drinking lots of water to help flush the toxins out of my system.
I itch less today although my face is covered with a rash. Obviously I won’t be eating cooked food at Mexican restaurants and will stick to salads in the future. Such joy! Not!
Anyway, whether you are fat or just feel fat, it is important to still feel good about yourself. “Fat” is a condition of the body which describes the extra doughboy flesh on the body and it is not an emotion or feeling like happiness or sadness. If you aren’t fat and are “feeling” fat, then you have other issues that have nothing to do with extra flesh. Some of the things that you might be experiencing that are causing that fat feeling might include:
- You’re anxious – about your child’s first day at school, project at work, upcoming surgery
- You’re sad – because of the passing of a loved one, the cat ran away, the car was totalled
- You’re angry – because you were laid off of work, your hair was cut too short, the dog peed on the carpet
- You’re lonely – you’re going through empty nest syndrome, your partner works the opposite shift than you
- You’re stressed – about your upcoming divorce court date, you’re starting a new business and you’re afraid it will fail
Those are emotions. You feel a certain way about things you’re experiencing.
You can’t feel fat just like you can’t feel purple, pink or silver. Identify what your true emotion is and label it correctly. Just remember, the only way you can “feel fat” is if you are really fat and you grab a roll of fat and feel it.
Reasons You’re Fat
Now, on the flip side, you may actually be fat. In the fat state, you may be happy because it doesn’t bother you, scared because it is affecting your health, or sad because you can’t seem to make the fat go away. There are many reasons that could explain why you are actually fat such as:
- Food – You are eating all the unhealthy foods that are full of ingredients that are making you fat.
- Eating habits – Your eating habits add to your fatness because you eat too much. Some reasons you keep eating when you should stop might be that:
- you fear going hungry
- you’ve been taught since childhood to always clean your plate
- you feel obligated to accept and eat food at social gatherings even when it is full of fat
- you find comfort in eating
- Lack of sleep – Your sleep schedule is all messed up, but you never seem to get enough sleep.
- Exercise – What is exercise? Yeah, you are too much of a sloth and couch potato. You do not engage in enough physical activity.
- Stress – There are a million things that stress you and you feel incapable of handling them. Stress creates hormone reactions in the body that pack on the weight instead of helping you to lose it.
- Depressed – Depression causes chemical reactions (increased cortisol, increased inflammatory cytokines, impaired glucose tolerance, increased resistin that increases insulin resistance) in the body and all of them lead to weight gain.
- Allergic reactions – Obviously, having allergic reactions to foods can cause weight gain. Until you eliminate those foods from your diet, your body will keep on fighting the allergens in the food and you will not only blow up with water weight, but also your fat cells will plump up.
- Intestinal bacteria – The bacteria in your intestines help you to digest your food, however, some people’s bacteria isn’t as efficient and the body absorbs more calories. I could get all nutritional on you, but you can read up on gut flora, amino acids and acidophilus if you want to learn more about intestinal bacteria and how you can help.
- Hormones – Hormones can play a big part in your weight gain. Everything from menopausal hormones to intestinal hormones. Keeping all the hormones in your body balanced starts with the basics: nutrition, exercise, sleep.
- Drugs – Many drugs save lives and make life more pleasant, but there are often side effects and a common side effect to many drugs is weight gain.
- Give up and don’t care – After you try and try to lose weight for years and years, you may have simply given up trying and caring about it.
I’m sure there are many more reasons that you’re fat, but that’s a pretty good list. I think I have several of the things on the list going on and I truly believe that I am fat. Dang, after writing all this, I almost said I feel fat. LOL
What To Do If You Feel Fat And Ugly
So the next time you get the urge to think that you feel fat and ugly, stop yourself in your tracks, run to the computer, click this post that you are reading right now and do some of the following things to make those “fat and ugly feelings” go away:
- Become the master of your brain by thinking positive, inspiring thoughts about your life and your physical health.
- Exercise in ways that don’t feel like exercising…parking at the back of the parking lot, dancing, swimming, walking around the neighborhood or ice skating.
- Meditate to help you get into a more tranquil, serene state and to calm your anxious, stressful body.
- Pamper yourself by reading a book, getting a massage, giving yourself a facial, paint your nails, go to the movies or take a long nap on the couch in the sunshine.
- Turn the music up loud. Feel the beat. Let the music soothe your soul.
- Get a new hair style, wear make up, wear perfume/cologne, and take extra time with skin care.
- Wear clothes that hide your fat so that you don’t have to think about it so much.
- Stop looking at fashion magazines full of unattainable, airbrushed model bodies.
- Be clean and smell good because this affects how other people perceive you and how comfortable you are in your own body.
- Every time you think, “I am fat,” don’t let the sentence end there. Add something like, “but I am proactively changing my diet and physical exercise to get my weight to be more of a healthy weight.” Yeah, I know…easier said than done.
- Do not compare yourself to other people, especially twenty year old SuzieQ at the office or waist size 18 inches Pamela next door.
- Be grateful for your body. You only have one body and you won’t be getting another one, so take care of the one you have and be grateful for it.
- Work on improving your self-esteem because it is the opinion you have of yourself that counts and it determines how you value and respect yourself as a person.
- Eat healthy and give up the extra large portions.
- Let your main drink be water, water and more water.
The Conclusion Of The 3 F’s
I have discussed things that give you the fat feeling, the reasons you’re fat, and what to do if you feel fat and ugly. Maybe you’re still a victim of the 3 F’s. You know Feeling Frustratingly Fat.
It’s a process.
You weren’t born “feeling” fat and you didn’t gain all that extra fat overnight. It will take time for you to change your mindset and body weight. Patience is not only a virtue, it is a virtue that you need to acquire in order to shed those extra pounds.
That’s what I’m going to be doing.
1. Be more patient with myself and my body.
2. Stop being overly condemning of my body.
3. Lose this weight.
So someone tell me which knife I should use to widdle away this fat?
No, I’m not joking!
Yes I am, duh. Did you forget that I’m a wimp when it comes to pain?
I gotta go now. I need to go put on my big baggy sweatshirt to hide all this fat.
Kenny Sellards says
Firstly…. I don’t like skinny toothpick looking gals… Curves are exciting… Flat is boring.
Now… about feeling fat… yep… I feel it… I see it… I live it. I’m not as fat as some, but In the past 10 years I’ve gone from a 30 inch waist to a 46 inch waist and picked up over 100 lbs… yep… I’m fat. It makes me larger than life! 🙂
Why am I fat? Went from a job with lots of excercise to one that requires a lot of sitting on my ever expanding back side all day most days… and when it comes to doling out my free time… time to exercise is rarely my first choice… then I stopped smoking.. and replaced the busy part of that habit with eating… then ate because I was depressed… and now I often eat because I’m boared… Eating is obviously a comfort thing with me. 🙂
Ugly? Who said anything about ugly? You’re not ugly and I’m not ugly…. In fact you are far from ugly… very far! 🙂 Me… well… I’m not ugly but I’m not Robert Redford either. *chuckle*
Personally from what pics I’ve seen, I don’t see why you should be frustrated or feeling fat, but there is no denying that you feel it so I won’t call you silly or anything. I’ll just suggest posting more pics so you get more compliments and let those compliments help ease that fatty feeing.
Thank you so much for sharing, Sherry! You look great my friend! 🙂 <3
Sherry Riter says
Thank you Kenny. You’re funny too…”post more pictures” cracked me up!
Kim Sands says
Hi, I’m with you on all of that. Yes I feel fat. People probably say that I’m not,
But at 55 years old the tummy is a constant bother. I excercise and always have, I run , I bike, I walk and lift weights. I do drink beer though, (I own a brewery !) the tummy just won’t go away and look like our pre pregnancy belly. You are gorgeous Miss Redhead and don’t forget it!
Hugs,
Kim
Sherry Riter says
Thank you very much Kim! {{{hugsss}}}
Joan says
Since you don’t have a scale why don’t you ask your significant other if you look fat? I’m sure they will tell you truthfully what they think. I’m talking about Bella, of course. If she barks once that means no you are not fat and if she barks twice that means you’re pleasingly plump. Although, Bella doesn’t care if you’re not fat or pleasingly plump. She loves you unconditionally just the way you are – as we all do! 🙂 Also, I had no idea that there was such a size as 000 or even 0. Really? These are sizes? I thought they stood for kisses and hugs at the end of a letter or e-mail. You know how you will sometimes end a letter or e-mail with X0X0. Okay, I’ll end my comment with X0X0. 🙂
Sherry Riter says
LOL Yes there really is size 000 and I personally think it should be outlawed! LOL
Tim King says
Have I ever mentioned that if you ever find yourself visiting the Boston area, I’d really like to meet you, because you’re interesting and pretty (at least by every single photo I’ve seen), and I think we’d have a really enjoyable conversation?
I realize that it can be very difficult to overlook the emotional messages that have been programmed into us, especially when they’re reinforced by being glamorized around us. But I think you’re right that this is just a feeling, and it will pass. (I say this as I’m getting over some sort of a bug or something yesterday, and after a carb-filled breakfast this morning, and yeah, I did my push-ups and planking, but I still feel like flab, and I look down at my belly and see a beach ball.)
Also remember that big women are beautiful, too. I mean, really: I know guys who will not date Skipper Doll over there, because she’s just way too skinny. And I know guys who honestly prefer the Skipper Doll, and not just because she’s featured on TV, but because they are honestly attracted to her. And I know guys who could go either way, because they care about other stuff. (And I know guys who wouldn’t date either of you, because, wrong gender.)
Love,
-Tim
Sherry Riter says
Thanks for the invitation Tim and I will remember it if I ever venture north.
LOLOLOL Your last paragraph was cute! 😉
Skip_D says
has it really been that long – 2-1/2 years!?! wow!
{{{huggssss}}}
Sherry Riter says
I know! Time flew!
Jerel Gall says
….whittle….
Are you in good health? That supersedes fat. Time to get out of the house…to walk. You are gona be fine.
Sherry Riter says
Yes, I’m healthy. No, I don’t want to be fat even though I’m healthy. Obviously, I want my cake and to eat it too. LOL
Zarina Quinn says
I’ve felt just like you do before, even to quite an extreme (complete with the knife idea). Had an eating disorder as well. Now I’ve swung the other way and I’m fat. But I feel happy now. I don’t worry about diets and I make clothes fit me, not the other way around. So I’ve had a rather different experience. Sorry you’re feeling down. Just know you are beautiful!
Sherry Riter says
I’m so glad you are happy and healthy instead of skinny with an eating disorder!
Thank you so much for your comment! I hope you have a wonderful day!