The first one is dedicated to my mom and her husband.
Write It Down
There was an elderly couple who in their old age noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor. The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don’t forget. They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream.
“You might want to write it down,” she said.
The husband said, “No, I can remember that you want a bowl of ice cream.”
She then told her husband she wanted a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream. “Write it down,” she told him.
Again he said, “No, no, I can remember: you want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream.”
Then the old lady said she wants a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top. “Write it down,” she told her husband.
Once again he said, “No, I got it. You want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top.”
So he goes to get the ice cream and spends an unusually long time in the kitchen, over 30 minutes. He comes out to his wife and hands her a plate of eggs and bacon.
The old wife stares at the plate for a moment, then looks at her husband and asks, “Where’s the toast?”
The IRS Agent
An old man is met by his attorney, and is told he is going to be audited. He rides to the IRS office with his attorney, and when he gets there, he begins to talk with the IRS agent. “I bet $2,000 I can bite my own eye!”
The IRS agent agrees to the bet, believing it an impossible task. The old man laughs, pulls out his glass eye, and bites it. The IRS agent is dumbfounded. The old man bets $3,000 he can bite his other eye. The IRS agent knows there’s no way possible to do this, so he once more agrees. The old man cackles, pulls out his dentures, and bites his eye.
Then the old man finally wagers, “I bet $20,000 I can stand on the far side of your desk, pee over the desk, and get it into your wastebasket, without missing a single drop.”
The agent knows he won’t be able to, so once more he agrees. The old man indeed misses, peeing all over the desk, and on the paperwork. The IRS agent jumps for joy, but then notices the attorney over in the corner moaning. “Are you all right?” asks the agent.
“No! On the way over here, he bet me $400,000 he could pee on your desk and you’d be happy about it!”
The Redhead And Blonde
A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, “I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram.”
She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word “comfortable.”
Skeptical, the operator asks, “How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?”
The redhead replies, “She’s a blonde so she reads slow: ‘Come for ta bull.'”
Kenny Sellards says
Thanks for the Saturday night *chuckle* Comes in handy when I work Saturday nights! 🙂 ?hugs?
Sherry Riter says
😀 My pleasure Kenny!
Skip_D says
lol!!! …especially like the second one! 🙂
Sherry Riter says
😀 I’m glad you enjoyed them Skip! 😀
claude m white says
Is this Skip-D ???? I was at the dig in QUHAITO. I have been wondering if you are still alive. I
have a picture of me and the ERITREAN high school student who helped in translating
during the confrontation with the freedom fighters. If you write to Claude M. White,
863 41st Way NE, Salem OR I can send you the picture..PLUS I have some slides taken
from a camera that uses KODACHROME. Claude PS. Don’t forget to leave a return address.
Sherry Riter says
Claude, I am sending your email address to Skip. 🙂
Joan says
All three brought smiles to my face, but I’m with Skip on this one. I especially liked the second one, although the third one was a close runner-up! 🙂
Sherry Riter says
So glad you enjoyed them Joan! 😀
Jack Remick says
Thanks for the laughs Red. I am too close to the “where’s the toast” joke to see what makes it funny so someone can now please bring me my ice cream…
J
Sherry Riter says
LOLOLOL That was really cute Jack! Don’t worry about it because I often go into a room and can’t remember why I went there either! 😀