Is The Door Of Happiness Open Or Closed?

Before you tell me that I’m the woman who doesn’t believe this quote, please read it and then I will tell you something.

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.”~ Helen Keller ~

Today I have a full blown cold. I feel terrible. My head is pounding. My nose is sniffly. I keep blowing my nose which takes off my foundation and reveals my red skin from blowing my nose. My eyes keep watering. My body hurts…everywhere. As the night has rolled in, my temperature has gone up. I’m just sick which is the first time in quite a long time.

Regardless of how I have felt, I took my daughter to work this morning, went to the grocery store, went to two banks, went to Dollar Tree, went to the farm for eggs, talked to many people on the phone, picked my daughter up from work in the evening, took her to her bank on the other side of town, took her to the doctor, went to a meeting to help me not be such an enabler (rolling my eyes) and finally I got home.

Anyway, I just read the quote above that many of us know and then I read the author of the quote which many of us know too. Then it hit me. That woman could not hear and could not see, yet she had such a fantastic attitude. She was one heck of a strong woman.

As soon as I thought all that stuff, I also thought about how although I have a terrible cold today, I enjoyed seeing the bright blue sky, felt the wind blow my hair, smelled the fresh air and was able to be entirely independent so that I could go do all those errands. I can see, hear, speak and feel.

I am very grateful. I know that I have been angry, complained, whined, cried, worried and gone on and on about my struggles, but I am SO GRATEFUL that I am basically healthy, know what I can and can’t eat, have a fantastic social media following with wonderful people who support and encourage me, a loving family, a thriving blog, a great roof over my head, a very nice car, plenty of food to eat and many, many other things.

Being laid off made me examine my life and self. I have learned to live one day at a time. Isn’t that phenomenal? I truly do not have that gnawing worry inside of me anymore about every future event that “could” happen. It is now October 2014 and none of the “could’s” have happened.

Gratitude. I feel immense gratitude.

Gratitude

I’ve always been a rather grateful person, but even with this cold germ, I was overwhelmed with gratitude today. Do you realize that I no longer have PTSD? It’s gone. No flashbacks. No depression from Hell. No panic attacks. PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) entered with a life changing event and left somewhat quietly without any grand celebration. After all the tears, heartache and work to make PTSD leave my life, it quietly walked away without any arguments.

It’s gone.

Seriously.

Do you even grasp what a tremendous healing has taken place? If not, maybe you will understand better after you read the book that I’m writing.

The Bank

Like I said earlier, I went to the bank and the gentlemen who assisted me was just as nice as he could be and very helpful. We talked about all kinds of things. I rarely talk about it to strangers, but I even shared a quick overview of my PTSD experience. It was while I was talking to him about it that the gratitude hit me like a volleyball spiked in the face.

I survived and conquered PTSD.

I have dramatically changed my attitude about life.

I have continued to get rid of my enabling tendencies and stood up for myself when someone ignored me or tried to manipulate me.

I have learned to eat grain free without feeling deprived or hungry. I love food again.

I hate no one. I seriously hate NO ONE.

I have forgiven just about everyone of everything and I’m working to make this “everyone” instead of “just about everyone.”

My daughter is alive and more wonderful with each passing day. So many people don’t get a second chance at life, but she did!

I moved, divorced, got laid off, coped with the fear of unemployment and learned to live one day at a time.

Last, but not least, I know that I can only control MYSELF. I have NO POWER over another human being. I can’t MAKE anyone do anything. I can be there with my arms open wide, but I can’t force anyone to accept me or my love. That’s a huge lesson for me. HUGE!

By no stretch of the imagination am I perfect. Like the following song says, “Guess I’m learning that what breaks you, makes you grow.”

Pieces

I’ve been broken, torn and scattered
I’ve loved holy, I’ve loved sin
I was rolling on the wind
It didn’t matter

I was so sure of who I didn’t want to be
Every smile and every fear
Every laugh and every tear
It was all me, it was all me

Pieces of my heart
Pieces of my soul
Pieces that I’m gonna be
I don’t even know
I gave a lot to lovers
Gave a lot to friends
Everything I took from them
Made me who I am
Pieces

We’ve all been lied to
We’ve all been liars
Nothing’s perfect in this world
Everybody’s been burned by the fire
Guess I’m learning
That what breaks you, makes you grow
But I’m not hiding where I’ve been
Gonna let the light shine in
What I don’t need
Gonna let that, let that, let that go

Pieces of my heart
Pieces of my soul
Pieces that I’m gonna be
I don’t even know
I gave a lot to lovers
Gave a lot to friends
Everything I took from them
Made me who I am
Pieces

Pieces, the good and the bad
Pieces, the happy and sad
Pieces, the wrong and the right
Pieces, that’s my, that’s my, that’s my life

Pieces of my heart
Pieces of my soul
Pieces that I’m gonna be
I don’t even know
I gave a lot to lovers
Gave a lot to friends
Everything I took from them
Made me who I am
Pieces, Pieces, Pieces

Songwriters: Odie Blackmon, Sarah Buxton, Gary Allan
Published by: Universal Music Publishing Group

Yep. What breaks you, makes you grow.

I’ve definitely been broken and surely you can tell that I’ve grown.

(Putting my left hand over my right shoulder and patting myself on the back in total humility and gratitude.)