Sitting on the balcony of my hotel room and looking at the beach below, the eerie light cast shadows on the thousands of footprints in the sand. Lifting my eyes and searching to see towards the horizon only gave me a thick, almost tangible blackness. The darkness engulfed an ocean that I knew stretched for miles and miles, but it didn’t snuff out the sounds of the water crashing and splashing on the beach. The crash of waves was followed by a brief pause and then there was yet another wave creating the music of the night.
Slowly, gently night unfurls its splendor
Grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender
Turn your face away from the garish light of day
Turn your thoughts away from cold unfeeling light
And listen to the music of the nightSongwriters
Andrew Lloyd Webber; Richard Henry Zachary Stilgoe; Charles Eliott Hart
Yes, that’s what my soul had been yearning to experience…the music of the night…the ocean and all those glorious waves that splashed and crashed on the beach in hypnotic rhythm.
My mind was filled with so many thoughts that echoed the emotions of my heart. My brother’s wedding on the beach earlier in the day was a beautiful, relaxing, peaceful, love-filled event that I had been looking forward to attending for several years.
There was also the fact that I was sitting on the balcony of a hotel that was so close to the ocean I could toss a rock into the waves. I had already seen one sunrise on the ocean and in the morning I would see another one.
Alone with the ocean and the night, I let my heart feel and my mind wander in hopes of finding answers to the questions twirling around in my head. Do you ever take the time to meditate or just think? Well, I did and do often in order to keep centered, focused, organized and quell the overwhelming fear, sadness or chaos that threatens to destroy my peace.
Why hasn’t a position that needs my experience and expertise been offered to me?
What should I be learning right now?
When will I be on a smoother path?
How do I let go of my daughter so that she can move close to her father?
Will I be able to enjoy a love that will last me the rest of my life or am I one of those people meant to live alone?
Did I make so many mistakes in my life that my future is forever doomed?
Do I have enough faith to believe in my ultimate success?
Is there still a reason to dream?
Where will I end up? Where will I be in five, ten, or twenty years? Where, oh where?
After letting all thoughts run amok for quite some time, I squashed their assault on my senses when I realized that I had become oblivious to the sounds of the ocean’s waves.
That’s enough, I told myself. I may have to go back to the rule of living one hour at a time. Well, really I may have to go back to five minute increments because life still seems too overwhelming at times with so much unsettled and unanswered. It would stabilize if I just had a good job again, my mind whispered. That’s all…just one job out of millions. Then there would be normalcy again and I would be able to better handle all the other things that are happening or not happening in my life.
“It will be okay and work out for your good,” I hear in my head. No, not my thoughts, but the words of so many people. Then my mind asked me how could so many people know such a thing about MY LIFE. They are biased because they like or love me. Maybe they are just being nice. I once again had to rein in my thoughts because the joy was swimming away on the waves of the ocean.
Now I’m living by the five minute rule. I can handle what I can handle during the next five minutes. Nothing beyond that matters. I can control myself. I can’t control people, places or things, but I CAN control me and that’s what I’m going to do. When I get right down to it, I have to ask myself, “What’s the worst that can happen?” We all know where that will take you EVERY single time. So obviously, it is not advisable, necessary or helpful to worry.
Worrying shows no faith which means hope doesn’t exist either.
14 Things To Do To Stop Worrying
There are things you can do to stop worrying and I’m definitely going to work hard at following my own advice.
- Identify your worries and write them down. Yes, you have to write them down.
- Decide which worries are productive and which are beyond your control.
- “Accept the things you cannot change.”
- Ask for help if you need it. Everyone needs help. Those people who don’t ever get help are the same people who don’t ever ask for it.
- Forget the time and take it one minute at a time.
- Exercise to relieve stress and increase health.
- It’s your life, so you can cry if you want to and feel the need to release the pent up emotions in tears.
- Take the trauma out of the fears by saying them over and over again until the incident becomes more normal.
- What’s the worst that can happen? I bet it all comes down to the same thing and all in all, it just isn’t THAT bad.
- Keep your mind AND hands busy. Your brain will find it extremely hard or impossible to store all the worries if you are mentally and physically active.
- Let go of the past. Stop pointing a finger of shame and guilt at yourself. The past is the past. Just don’t repeat the same stuff that made you unhappy.
- Talk and write down the analysis you make when you ask yourself, “Where did the fear come from and how does it make me feel?”
- Don’t worry about what other people say or think about you.
- Give yourself a break by not expecting yourself to be perfect in everything you do.
Now you are armed with tools to help you stop worrying…and so am I.
After deciding on the balcony to live by the five minute rule, I really relaxed and enjoyed the ocean that night. The wonderful opportunity to be AT THE BEACH was not passing me by unappreciated. When I finally went to bed, I left the door wide open and fell asleep to the sound of the ocean waves sometimes hitting the beach and at other times caressing it.
“When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.” ~ Harriet Beecher Stowe ~
Oh, my gosh, Sherry! I can’t believe you tormented yourself with all those question when all you had to do was call me on the phone and I would have happily answered all your questions for you.
Oh, well, you didn’t call me so I will answer them now. 🙂
Sherry’s imaginary phone call to Joan:
“Joan, why hasn’t a position that needs my experience and expertise been offered to me?”
Joan’s answer: Because something much better is in store for you. 🙂
“Joan, what should I be learning right now?”
Joan’s answer: To trust yourself. 🙂
“Joan, when will I be on a smoother path?”
Joan’s answer: When you learn how to trust yourself. 🙂
“Joan, how do I let go of my daughter so that she can move close to her father?”
Joan’s answer: I don’t have the least idea. (Well, I didn’t say I had all the answers.)
“Joan, will I be able to enjoy a love that will last me the rest of my life or am I one of those people meant to live alone?”
Joan’s answer: How do I know? I don’t have a crystal ball. Besides, what’s so bad about living alone? One should learn to enjoy their own company. And when I get bored with my own company, I call you. 🙂
“Joan, did I make so many mistakes in my life that my future is forever doomed?”
Joan’s answer: Are you kidding me? Everyone makes mistakes. Who is so perfect that they never make a mistake? Besides, mistakes are how we grow emotionally. We are suppose to learn from our mistakes. Oscar Wilde said it best, “Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.” So, no, Sherry, you are not forever doomed.
“Joan, do I have enough faith to believe in my ultimate success?”
Joan’s answer: Again, are you kidding me? I can’t believe you actually even asked this question. No! You absolutely do not have enough faith to believe in your ultimate success. Why do you think you have me in your life? I have more than enough faith for the both of us to believe in your ultimate success. So, by my believing in you, when you don’t believe in yourself, it cancels your negative thinking out. As long one of us believes in your ultimate success that’s all you need. AND I DO BELIEVE IN YOUR ULTIMATE SUCCESS, and I do not think I am alone in my thinking. I think many of your readers believe in your ultimate success too. 🙂
“Joan, is there still a reason to dream?”
Joan’s answer: Absolutely! I dream all the time and have not lost sight of my dreams, but I cannot answer this question for you. Only you can answer it. Only you know what state of mind you’re in.
“Joan, where will I end up? Where will I be in five, ten, or twenty years? Where, oh where?”
Joan’s answer: Sherry, I have no idea where you will end up. My dream for you is that you write your book and end up on the bestsellers list and become a bestselling author. But I have no idea where you will be in five, ten, or twenty years. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to call me on the phone and ask me all of these questions. I don’t have all the answers. Well, let me clarify that. I don’t have all the answers for you – but I do have them for myself! 🙂
I will respond to fake phone call answers 😉
“Joan, why hasn’t a position that needs my experience and expertise been offered to me?”
Joan’s answer: Because something much better is in store for you. 🙂
Sherry’s answer: You ALWAYS say THAT just like everyone else! (rolling eyes) Yes, I ROLLED MY EYES at you!
“Joan, what should I be learning right now?”
Joan’s answer: To trust yourself. 🙂
Sherry’s answer: What-ev-er! 😛
“Joan, when will I be on a smoother path?”
Joan’s answer: When you learn how to trust yourself. 🙂
Sherry’s answer: I want a smoother path now. Yes, now, as in yesterday. Right now. I’m tired of struggling. Just saying.
“Joan, how do I let go of my daughter so that she can move close to her father?”
Joan’s answer: I don’t have the least idea. (Well, I didn’t say I had all the answers.)
Sherry’s answer: This is a toughie. I will miss her desperately and be very, very sad.
“Joan, will I be able to enjoy a love that will last me the rest of my life or am I one of those people meant to live alone?”
Joan’s answer: How do I know? I don’t have a crystal ball. Besides, what’s so bad about living alone? One should learn to enjoy their own company. And when I get bored with my own company, I call you. 🙂
Sherry’s answer: Ha! You’re funny! I have come to realize that living alone isn’t so bad after all. I bet THAT answer surprises you, doesn’t it?
“Joan, did I make so many mistakes in my life that my future is forever doomed?”
Joan’s answer: Are you kidding me? Everyone makes mistakes. Who is so perfect that they never make a mistake? Besides, mistakes are how we grow emotionally. We are suppose to learn from our mistakes. Oscar Wilde said it best, “Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.” So, no, Sherry, you are not forever doomed.
Sherry’s answer: Well, it feels doomed often.
“Joan, do I have enough faith to believe in my ultimate success?”
Joan’s answer: Again, are you kidding me? I can’t believe you actually even asked this question. No! You absolutely do not have enough faith to believe in your ultimate success. Why do you think you have me in your life? I have more than enough faith for the both of us to believe in your ultimate success. So, by my believing in you, when you don’t believe in yourself, it cancels your negative thinking out. As long one of us believes in your ultimate success that’s all you need. AND I DO BELIEVE IN YOUR ULTIMATE SUCCESS, and I do not think I am alone in my thinking. I think many of your readers believe in your ultimate success too. 🙂
Sherry’s answer: I sure hope you are right because my faith is waning. I’m actually terrified sometimes at the unknown in my future.
“Joan, is there still a reason to dream?”
Joan’s answer: Absolutely! I dream all the time and have not lost sight of my dreams, but I cannot answer this question for you. Only you can answer it. Only you know what state of mind you’re in.
Sherry’s answer: I must admit, I’ve been rather down…depressed even at the situation I’m in because I was laid off from my job. I am still looking for a job and that has taken a toll on my self-esteem. I thought I would immediately be snatched up by another employer because I AM AN EXCELLENT employee! I’m feeling so rejected!
“Joan, where will I end up? Where will I be in five, ten, or twenty years? Where, oh where?”
Joan’s answer: Sherry, I have no idea where you will end up. My dream for you is that you write your book and end up on the bestsellers list and become a bestselling author. But I have no idea where you will be in five, ten, or twenty years. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to call me on the phone and ask me all of these questions. I don’t have all the answers. Well, let me clarify that. I don’t have all the answers for you – but I do have them for myself! 🙂
Sherry’s answer: Well listen to you! First you are full of advice and then you suddenly don’t have all the answers! LOL Well, I WANT all the answers! 😛 I know better than trying to figure out five, ten or twenty years into the future. I KNOW better and yet, here I am doing it again. Old habits die hard. The unknown has never been my friend. I am a plan everything kind of girl because it gives me direction and something to hold onto. Faith in the unseen and hope for happiness is really almost beyond my capabilities. I may have many talents and excel in many areas, but I absolutely bomb in the faith and hope arena. *sigh*
An excellent post, thank you!
So many people worry about tomorrow and forget about living today.
Thank you!!!! 🙂