“The purpose of life is to contribute in some way to making things better.” ~ Robert F. Kennedy ~
To say that I was depressed yesterday is an understatement. For the first time in almost five years, I contemplated deleting a post…specifically, the post I wrote yesterday about failure. However, that thought pattern is directly opposite of everything I live and how or why I write my blog. Sooooo I left the post intact.
Yes, I was depressed.
Yes, it was a depressing post.
Yes, I am human.
Yes, I am better today.
What a difference a day makes.
What Makes Today Different Than Yesterday?
Not just specifically yesterday and today, but what makes any today different than any yesterday?
Is it just the experiences?
No.
The difference is your attitude and actions today in relation with any experience that may happen today.
Like I said yesterday, I have three major life altering events going on right now.
One is terrifying me.
One is breaking my heart.
One is making me feel completely useless.
So yesterday I wallowed in the emotional pain. I allowed myself to feel angry and hurt. I buried my face in the pillow while I screamed and cried. I blew my nose, wiped my tears and cried some more. I let myself grieve.
I honored my fear. I felt the panic of the unknown and what feels as if there is no solution.
I honored the pain of my breaking heart. I felt the pain of what was, what is, what could have been, what no longer will be and the fear of trusting one more time.
I honored my defeated spirit. I felt the full impact of my uselessness and how I was discarded, unappreciated and dishonored like an old shoe.
I allowed all the emotions to bombard me. After feeling and voicing all the above, with tears in my eyes and a deflated spirit…
It was time to cope with the emotional pain and move forward.
“Love comforteth like sunshine after rain.” ~ William Shakespeare ~
Moving Forward To Where?
It sounds so general when you say it is time to move forward. Where forward? One step right? Two miles north?
Possibly, but more than likely not quite as literal as that kind of forward moving.
For me, moving forward meant acceptance and renewed resolve.
Accepting the things that I have no control over and resolve to continue to love instead of becoming a bitter, vengeful and gnarled soul.
Things have happened to me that were unfair, not right and blatantly evil. I didn’t deserve any of it to happen to me, but just because I’m hurting because of them, I don’t have to allow any of it to destroy me.
I have options.
Even if I didn’t like any of the options, I STILL have the final word on which I choose. That is freedom. I have freedom.
Everything I am experiencing is new territory for me. Did I want to learn more right now? Um, no. However, since the tests are upon me, I want to pass them. Maybe I won’t pass with flying colors, but I sure am going to give it a real try.
I also know that at any time, I can change course. I’m not going to call it “giving up” because it sounds like I have no motivation and that just isn’t true. If circumstances change and are not for the better, I will adjust my actions towards alternative courses that will bring me happiness and possibly joy.
The things that are out of my control are out of my control.
The things that are in my control are in my control.
Two fundamental truths that will help me keep my thoughts and actions in perspective.
I am a valuable, helpful, compassionate, hard working, creative, intelligent and loving woman.
I have much to offer and I’m not going to let anyone or anything or any company treat me like chewed up gum stuck on the bottom of a shoe.
“Do more than belong: participate. Do more than care: help. Do more than believe: practice. Do more than be fair: be kind. Do more than forgive: forget. Do more than dream: work.” ~ William Arthur Ward ~
Today is a new day.
I am better today than yesterday.
What a difference a day makes.
Ohhh, la, la, la, la! I am singing with happiness today because you have finally come to your senses! You are not a failure, your life is not useless and you don’t fail at romantic relationships, (well, the romantic relationship part is still up for debate. Just kidding you!) 🙂
I know, first hand, what a kind, loving, giving and compassionate person you are and so does my son. In the depths of your own unhappiness and everything you have been going through right now, you still took the time to design and build an incredible website for my son. Not to mention that when you were in the throes of your PTSD you designed and built my two websites for me.
Today you see everything differently than you saw it yesterday, and you can finally admit that you are “a valuable, helpful, compassionate, hard working, creative, intelligent and loving woman.” I knew that all along. And I have a very sneaky suspicion that all of your loyal readers whose hearts you have touched with your courageous honesty and vulnerability know it too! So, that’s why I’m singing today. Ohhh, la, la, la, la! What a difference a day makes! 🙂
Thank you Joan for your sweet words. Another day to get the attitude right! 😉
Some people take years to understand what you figured out. You are going toward something better…:)
I sure hope so Jerel! I sure hope so!