When I started this blog, I only showed my partial face photo in the header which only revealed from my eyes up. Then when I redesigned my blog and moved to my own domain and host, I decided to use my full face in the header and not hide anymore.
Part of the reason it was not easy for me to show my face was because I felt that all the trauma from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) with the accompanying anxiety, sadness and fear could be easily seen. I was extremely insecure because people in general don’t really understand PTSD and no one wants to talk about it since PTSD is considered a mental illness. Some people can be quite rude and cruel.
I didn’t ask to be traumatized to the point where I lost my mind. I didn’t commit a crime or become less of a person, but most of the time I sure was treated like I had the plague. Now I can hold my head up and look you in the eye because my confidence is coming back. As you have watched, I have proven that a person CAN heal and be whole again if they work VERY hard at abolishing PTSD from their life. It isn’t an easy task, but don’t ever believe that it is impossible.
With all that being said, I feel that over the last five years, I have aged considerably – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I have been through some of the worst experiences of my life. Actually, I have survived, and I really mean survived, the main traumatic life events that people experience. Some people don’t have to experience all of them, but I experienced just about all of them. So far I have survived them all. “Survived” is the key point.
Becoming allergic to grain made me gain weight quickly while it was making me sick…very sick. Within a year I gained A LOT of weight. Since I had never really gained weight or been overweight, I didn’t cope well with the fat me. No one believes me when I tell them how much weight I gained, but it was as much as a small person. It was just evenly distributed over my whole body, so I guess it wasn’t as noticeable.
Anyway, after changing my diet by eliminating all grain, I dropped the weight even faster than I had gained it. After the first month I had already lost thirty pounds. All the swelling from water retention and the allergic reaction, as well as the fat, just kept disappearing. Every day I seemed to change. It has now been a year and a half since I gave up grain and up until recently, I have been quite diligent about avoiding grain at all costs.
Then at the end of last year, I experienced a layoff at work. A single woman has to have a job because there is no one else to fall back on in the house. She has to work to support herself and the children or in my case, the child. Well, I still don’t have a job even though I have skills like crazy. It really isn’t making much sense. Because I keep worrying, I have lost more weight. I’m fast approaching my high school weight. Who would have ever imagined that would happen?
“Sadness is but a wall between two gardens.” ~ Kahlil Gibran ~
Thursday I pulled out the makeup and worked really hard to cover most of the freckles on my face and dark circles under my sad eyes. I am saying that upfront to save everyone else having to tell me that I look sad. I look sad because I am sad. I have no job and that alone makes me sad even if we don’t factor in anything else that is happening in my life.
Anyway, this first picture was taken using only sunlight and I didn’t feel much like smiling, but I tried. I don’t think my smile made it to my lips. I basically have looked the same most of my life, but now I can see the wrinkles starting because fat doesn’t puff out my face anymore. (That’s kind of funny.)
Man, that picture is big!
After looking at that picture for a day, I decided on Friday that I had better take a picture with me smiling or my mother and aunt wouldn’t never let me hear the end of it. So I once again carefully applied the makeup. This time, however, I forgot to turn off the flash on the camera and I missed the great sun because I slept in very late. So I look a bit shiny from the flash, but the good thing is that I’m smiling and my bangs look better “swooped” even if the style is “so 80’s” per my sweet daughter. LOL
Yes, you can barely see Turtle basking under the sunlamp in his huge tank in the background.
If I had longer arms I would have taken a full picture of myself, but the tripod was in the car and I didn’t feel like going out to get it in the cold. So everyone who said it was time for a new picture of me, all you’re getting this time is my head. Hopefully it won’t crack your monitor!
“Unfortunately, sometimes sadness is so large that it overflows from the eyes.” ~ Sherry Riter ~
I’ve cried a lot since I lost my job. It was a blow that I wasn’t expecting. I had already lost so much that I couldn’t believe I was also going to have to experience being financially unstable. Of course, the layoff was based on greed…corporate greed, but don’t get me started on that topic. Once I have a job again, I will feel better and the fear will go away.
Several things won’t change. The grain free diet will continue for the rest of my life, so I assume I will remain thin. I will continue to age and the wrinkles will continue to gather on my face, but that is better than not living, so I will have to eventually just accept them.
Sometimes I feel sorry for myself, but most of the time I’m just sad that I can’t get past this hurdle in my life. Hopefully, I will leap over it soon and begin a new adventure of being fully employed so I can enjoy not having PTSD anymore. Having tasted the bitter, I will be able to fully enjoy the sweetness of life.
“There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as
the other in the year’s course.
Even a happy life cannot be
without a measure of darkness,
and the word ‘happy’ would lose
its meaning if it were not
balanced by sadness.” ~ C.G. Jung ~
Whether I’m showing the pearly whites with a big flash popping in my face or barely smiling in the sunshine, I’m still me and I’ve come a very long way. I’m quite proud of myself for not giving up and that I haven’t turned into a bitter, hard-hearted woman. Instead, I’m a good, compassionate, unselfish, loving person. I like that about me.
Stunning
Thank you, Philip. {{{hugssss}}}
Good Morning,
What an awesome post. I’m so glad to read/see you. Put a name to a Beautiful face/person. Since becoming a friend of yours on facebook. I have admired your writings. You have given me inspiration, sharing your stuggles overcoming them and moving forward. What great strength you have. I admire you. Thank you very much for sharing continuing to grow is getting you there 1 day at a time I wish you many wonderful blessings very soon. 🙂
Have a wonderful and blessed day…. I know you have blessed me beyond….
Lisa, you have been a sweet friend of encouragement and a simple ‘thank you’ will never be enough to fully express my gratitude for your friendship. {{{hugssss}}}
Well, Sherry, you look very kissable to me. Gorgeous woman, employed or not. And freckles are hot. Hugs, my friend.
Thank you for making me smile first thing in the morning, Bill. I don’t think I have any problem with looking kissable. 😉 LOL {{{hugssss}}}
What wrinkles? Girl, you look great. Mark Twain said, “Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.” Hang in there. The right employer will see your value and hire you in a heartbeat. Until then, keep trusting God to provide all your needs.
LOL I DO have wrinkles!!! 😛 Thank you Kristi. I’m trying to hold on because what’s the alternative? LOL
I’m so glad you shared this I did not know you were allergic to grain or that you had ptsd I say bravo you have done well
Thanks Annie! 😀
The pictures are adorable, but … I think you’re beautiful inside and out. Inside is what really matters and you have ‘it’ darlin” that beauty that ferments for years through good times and too many blighted hardships. It’s called internal beauty. My hopeful thoughts and wishes that all will work out for in the employment field. I’m not worried, you have uber talent.
Cyber hugs, Keta
Thank you so much, Keta, for your kind words. {{{hugssss}}}
Looking good Sherry! Hugs from the South. It’s a beautiful sunny day here…at least for the morning. Have a nice weekend. 🙂
😉 Thanks Bev! It was 70F here today with a big blue sky! Beautiful!
Sherry, in your first picture you write, “I can see the wrinkles starting because fat doesn’t puff out my face anymore.” Wrinkles? What wrinkles? I don’t see any wrinkles. All I see is a woman with a beautiful face who looks like she’s twenty-three years old and not the fifty-one years which she really is. Really, Sherry? Do you really see yourself as wrinkled? Really, really, really, Sherry, I don’t know what to say if you see yourself as wrinkled. And when I don’t know what to say that’s saying a lot! 🙂
LOL Put your glasses on Joan! I HAVE wrinkles! 😛
Life seems to be an endless series of obstacles to overcome. We all have our challenges. It’s wonderful reading about how you are dealing with yours. Best wishes with hopes that all things good will be yours.
Thank you so much Thomas! {{{hugssss}}}
You’re beautiful — inside and out. Thanks for sharing your story. I took me years to realize I had been suffering from PTSD. I suffered from it long before it had a name. It wasn’t till I was grad school and I start learn and later work with people who were suffering from PTSD did I recognize the symptoms in myself. Perhaps one day I will find the courage to write.
It is so for PTSD sufferers to be oblivious to what is happening to them. The world needs to be educated so that if it happens to them or someone they love, they can get appropriate help sooner and not later. {{{hugssss}}}
Sherry you are awesome. Write your book! You have the gift of time on your side right now. Extra hugs.
LOL Thank you Teressa!!!! {{{{hugssss}}}}
I was very touched by your honestly and how brave you are to lay it all out there! I kind of feel the same as you do in a lot of areas. I feel like I have had my share of misfortune… okay, I’m going to take that back! I love this… “Unfortunately, sometimes sadness is so large that it overflows from the eyes.” The good thing is that I have chronic dry eyes so crying feels so dang good! haha! But it seriously does 🙂 I have a son who battles PTSD so this post really caught my eye.. He struggles every single day, which makes me struggle as well.. the mom thing ya know? We just want our kids happy! I also gained some weight because of circumstances in my life which was so hard for me because I never had a problem with weight so it kicked my butt! I finally got my mind and body aligned and started feeling better about myself and taking better care of myself which took a while to do. I love your pictures and I just wanted to say. You are not aging… you are growing into a very beautiful strong woman so full of wisdom and love. Thank you for sharing your light with the world! You made my day much better!
Hope you are having an awesome day! You deserve it!
Marilyn
Marilyn, thank you for your comment. Sometimes as I sit here and pour out my soul I wonder if it really ever touches anyone or makes a difference. I hope your son will go to a good therapist and heal himself of PTSD. {{{hugsss}}} to you all.