15 Funny And Truthful Positives Of Being Unemployed And At Home

First let me apologize for bringing up my joblessness so many times, but someone in Virginia or North Carolina needs to say, “We need to hire that redheaded woman because she is the most loyal, multitalented, creative and hardest working person I have ever met!”

But while I wait for my next fantastic job opportunity, let me share a few observations.

There have been several glaringly obvious positive things about being home. Not so much about being unemployed, but being home. However, without my unemployment status, I would not be home, so in my case one experience comes with the other.

15 Funny And Truthful Positives Of Being Unemployed And At Home

1. I do not have to use the paper toilet seat covers when I go to the bathroom. No, really! You would think that it is impossible for WOMEN to pee on the toilet seat, but there is more pee on a woman’s toilet seat in a public restroom than pee on the floor by the urinal in a man’s restroom. I just don’t get it! If women are going to do the hover thing, they need to aim better and then if they miss, they should wipe their pee off the toilet. People, this is just every day natural body functions. Don’t get all embarrassed on me.
2. I never have to wait “my turn” to use the bathroom because I’m the only one home and we have two bathrooms. I guess the only question is, do I go to the bathroom that is close because I’m lazy or do I take a few extra steps and go to my own bathroom in order to get a little exercise? I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I might incriminate myself.
3. I can eat chocolate ice cream and a banana for lunch each day instead of food like meat and veggies. I should probably buy stock in Turkey Hill Dairy, the ice cream company that makes natural and grain free ice cream. That means Turkey Hill Dairy does not add corn syrup to the ice cream. Woohoo! Yes, corn is a grain and that is where corn syrup is derived!
4. I’ve lost more weight. Because I continue to worry so much about my joblessness, the weight is just falling off me in spite of my lunch diet. But!!!!!! Yes, but the weight loss is a good thing because it has enabled me to fit into my skinnier jeans. So all in all, I’ve lost another whole size!
5. During most days, my attire consists of comfortable pajamas, pajamas and more pajamas. Needless to say, this is my most favorite clothing, but I promise that when I leave home, I do not wear my pajamas or slippers to the store. (rolling eyes)
6. I can stroll outside anytime I want to go. Of course, with the temperatures at 7 degrees Fahrenheit, I don’t feel the urge to go outside for a leisurely stroll and I’m sure I WILL be employed before it gets much warmer. Power of positive thinking!!!!
7. I see sunshine through big open windows. That may not seem like a big deal to you, but for the last six years I’ve been in an office without ANY windows. The only time I saw outside was when I went to lunch with the guys. There could be a raging storm outside and I never knew it was happening until I either went to lunch or was on my way home in the evening. So the sunshine and I have become reacquainted. It sure is bright! 😉
8. The music can be as LOUD as I want it to be because all my neighbors are at work. If I lived out in the country, I wouldn’t ever have to worry about the volume on my radio. Since I actually have neighbors, I have to be neighborly and not a disturbance, so I’m enjoying the loud music while I can.
9. Bella and I get to spend lots of time together. I think it is a bit rough on her actually because Bella usually sleeps most of the day when I’m working and since I’ve been home, she tries to keep my schedule. Sometimes Bella really starts dragging because she isn’t sleeping enough. Hard to keep up with energetic me whether you are human or critter! 😛
10. I can do my grocery shopping at 7:30 in the morning. The store is practically empty and everything is perfectly arranged on the shelves at that time of the morning. There are no empty spaces between the fruits, veggies, bottles, boxes or cans and everything is facing forward so the words are easy to read. Plus, no one is running me over with the cart or standing in the middle of the aisle blocking the whole thing. Best of all, I don’t have to wait in line when I’m ready to pay!!!
11. I don’t have to worry about having a flat tire on the way to work! Yes, I’ve worried about having a flat tire on the way to work every day of my life that I’ve been employed. I think I’ve only had two flat tires my whole life, so I have no idea why having a flat tire seems to be such an awful thing to me. I think it is probably because I have so much stuff in my trunk that would have to be moved to get to the spare tire. Good stuff like things I would need in an emergency, plus a frisbee, couple balls, badmintons, baseball glove, bucket, lawn chairs… Like I said, lots of stuff. Just saying that you can never be too prepared for emergencies or fun!
12. The temperature is always perfect. I have afghans all over the place thanks to my mom, so if I get cold while sitting at the computer, I just cover up with an afghan.
13. Burglars don’t target my home as an empty home to rob during the day because I’m in it! Crime happens all the time. I never open my door unless you’re parked our front and call me. I’m really paranoid. I mean, I practice being really safe.
14. My weaknesses remain hidden. When I slam my finger in the drawer or hit my toe on the corner of the couch, no one hears or sees me fall into a puddle on the floor and cry like a baby. Before you judge, remember that redheads feel pain more than anyone else and it is a scientifically proven fact. We may be more long suffering, but when something hurts, it just hurts. I have tried hard over the years to just “suck it up,” as my daughter would say to me. But if truth be told, I am just sensitive to pain. I try to think of myself like a… a… um… flower petal or… um… a butterfly. I’m delicate and healthy as an old mule.
15. I have a schedule, but I don’t have a schedule. I still get up early in the morning, take a shower, wash my hair, put on my makeup and eat breakfast just like if I was going to work, but the rest of the day and night has no schedule. That means I can clean my bathroom first, design someone’s website, tweet for a company or sit down for ten hours and apply for jobs. I have no set bedtime either, so if I’m writing my blog at 3:00 in the morning, that’s okay too because I can always take a nap the next day. Bottom line is that I sleep about six to eight hours total any twenty-four hour period, so the exact time I squeeze everything into the day is irrelevant.

Today I think I will snuggle down under my quilt on the couch and take a nap with Bella.

Before I go to sleep, let me just draw your attention to the “tone” of this blog post. Did you notice it is upbeat? Positive? Happy? Yeah! Happy even though I have no job! I found some humor in staying home. Maybe I’ve learned a few things the last couple months or maybe I’ve brainwashed myself with all the quotes I’ve posted on Twitter and Facebook. 😀 Well, now I have a quote of my own…

“Never underestimate the power of attitude and gratitude.” ~ Sherry Riter ~