Safe Mode In The Tunnel

I know I took the easy way out by posting a Gravatar blogging tutorial yesterday, but I needed a day to process all my emotions. Believe me, I ran a rollercoaster of emotions Sunday and Monday, but now I’m ready to fill you in with the details.

Live Security Platinum Virus

You may not remember, but I am still using the same computer that caused me all those problems so long ago. I’ve done all kinds of things to it and for it, so the computer is still running and I’ve been pretty happy with it. On Sunday, after being thrilled with Turtle’s accomplishment, I decided to sit down at the computer and surf a bit before I made a few business calls. Surfing frees my mind.

Since I will be moving and redecorating, I thought I would look at what’s going on in the interior design world. I typed “interior design” in my Google search, clicked the first three pages of sites and then waited for them to all populate. Yeah, I know that I can only look at one page at a time, but I like opening tons of sites at once.

Anyway, all of a sudden, Firefox shut down and a Live Security Platinum box popped up.

I scanned down the box and then I read the wording in the bottom left corner: Get full real-time protection with Live Security Platinum.

I knew it was a virus, so I immediately disconnected my computer from the wall. I didn’t know if the virus was sucking information out of my computer to some unknown location, but I didn’t want to chance it. I moved the mouse over to click my security software icon, but there wasn’t an icon anymore. I tried clicking my cleaner icon, but nothing happened. I couldn’t click anything except the START button.

My heart sank.

Meanwhile the malicious Live Security Platinum virus kept flashing between two screens. One screen scrolled line after line of viruses that supposedly were on my computer and the other screen wanted my credit card number. Imagine that! (rolling my eyes)

Eventually, I took my computer into SAFE MODE.

Safe mode makes a bunch of stuff scroll and I felt like giving up before I had even started to get close to ridding my computer of this virus. All that scrolling stuff just looked like work to me and I was trying to relax!

I spent a total of nine hours finding a way to clean the virus, deleting the virus, restoring my computer to a previous date, defragmenting, cleaning the entire computer – all files and blank space, and then saving all my information on an external hard drive.

Nine hours.

NINE hours!

Moral of the story: Staying up-to-date on interior design is dangerous for Albert and a big waste of time for me!

Light At The End Of The Tunnel

When I connected with my new therapist who specializes in trauma, PTSD, loss and grief, I was afraid to be too hopeful. I’ve been suffering with my PTSD symptoms for over two years. It feels like a pointless battle to try and overcome my misery because I haven’t been able to find anyone that grasps the extent of my post traumatic stress disorder.

I’m not sure I want to broadcast the name of my therapist right now, so I’m just going to call her Dr. Jane. I can always insert her real name and brag about her for the rest of my life after this is all over.

When I first spoke to Dr. Jane last week, she didn’t have any appointment times available when I wasn’t working. I didn’t want to tell Dr. Jane that I felt desperate to see her, so I asked her what time she started in the morning and if she had any appointments during those time slots. Rather than just telling me her starting time, Dr. Jane asked me about my morning work schedule. It was agreed that I would meet her at 7:30 a.m.

At that moment, I knew several things about Dr. Jane without her telling me.

1. Dr. Jane’s starting time is not normally 7:30 a.m.
2. Dr. Jane was going to start work early JUST to help me.
3. Dr. Jane doesn’t “work” just to make money…she cares.

By the time Monday rolled around, I was nervous and felt a bit like throwing up. I knew I would have to recount the tragic story and I didn’t want to feel that pain again. I asked Alyssa to drive me to my appointment and she wasn’t very thrilled because it was very early in the morning. Alyssa isn’t a morning person, but I’m not either, so I know just how she feels.

Anyway, we get to the building and right before I turned the doorknob to enter the office, something in my head said, “It is going to end soon.” I felt the hope that I had been suppressing well up inside of me. “Will I get a better version of the old me back?” I thought to myself as I opened the door and walked into the hallway leading to Dr. Jane’s office.

I immediately liked Dr. Jane. She has a gentle, calm and peaceful personality. Over the next hour, I was able to tell Dr. Jane the highlights of my horrible experience and then she told me a few things too. I have my next appointment on Monday at the same time. Together we are going to do battle with my PTSD.

Alyssa, I assumed, had taken a nap in the car while waiting for me to finish with my appointment. I was wrong. As I reached for the handle of the passenger side door of the car, I saw a box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts laying on the seat. I know that my PTSD has been hard on Alyssa, but when I saw the doughnuts, I knew it was her way of supporting me. I also felt her love for me and I was flooded with emotion all over again.

Up until now, the future looked like a dark never ending tunnel that I would walk down alone and suffering for the rest of my life. Now, I’m in safe mode with Dr. Jane and there is light at the end of the tunnel where I hope to find a better version of my old self.