People Shave and I Butcher

Years ago when I first started blogging, I wrote a post called Men Do Not Read This… and guess what? Of course, men read it, but I received a lot of great advice for my shaving dilemma from the women.

Actually, I have used that great advice for years now and it has helped to prevent razor rash on my sensitive, pale skin. It was much needed advice because I had already tried:

• Nair
• men’s shaving cream
• single blade, double blade, triple blade, quadruple blade
• nick guard blade
• soap
• shaving with a lighter touch
• not shaving as often
• waxing at home
• shaving in one direction

Although I have fair skin and rarely wear shorts, I still want everything to be silky smooth. I learned many things from that post like many women do not shave very often! I had no idea, so that was a real revelation! On the flip side, one of the great tips that I learned from that blog post of long ago, I immediately put into effect. The suggestion was to start using conditioner instead of shaving cream. Yep, it totally worked! I no longer got razor rash anywhere!!

Before I finish my “current” story, let me first tell you about the time I tried waxing at home. We had just moved to Virginia and I had made a bunch of changes in my life. I decided that I would try to save time by not having to shave every day. The best solution seemed to be waxing. I decided that since I can do anything, surely I could also wax my body at home.

After a visit to the nearest beauty supply, I got home with an armful of products. I was actually excited that I wouldn’t have to shave for a month if everything went according to plan.

The first step was to melt the wax without getting it too hot. That wasn’t too hard. Next, I can’t remember exactly what it was, but I had to apply something to my skin so the wax wouldn’t stick. It was really easy too. Then with a wooden stick, I had to smear the wax on the skin, cover it with the cloth strip, press slightly, wait a few seconds and then pull it off.

Sounds easy doesn’t it?

The big question was where should I begin this waxing thing? Now a logical person would probably choose an ankle or calf, but that isn’t the place I chose. Oh, no, no, no. I figured since I was going to do my entire leg, I would start at the top and go all the way down. I am a methodical person and that just made sense.

Yeah, go ahead and cringe now.

I slathered the wax on my leg at the bikini line. Well, actually I couldn’t really call it my “leg” because it was a much more sensitive spot of skin than my leg. Anyway, it was time to pull the cloth and yank out the hair.

With the first small tug, I quit. It was too painful! What was I going to do now? I couldn’t live with wax stuck there and I was too wimpy to yank it off! Why, oh why did I choose THAT spot to begin this new procedure?

Alyssa was only seven years old at the time and pretty much thought I had lost my mind. I begged her to yank the fabric off for me, but she had been watching and heard my initial scream. She looked at me with big brown eyes and asked, “Why do you always do this kind of stuff?”

That has been the story of my life…in one pickle and then onto the next just like Lucille Ball in “I Love Lucy”.

Eventually…like two hours later, Alyssa agreed to help and finally yanked off the cloth, wax, part of my skin and pride with it. The only thing even close to correct in the directions on the box of wax was that I wouldn’t need to shave for a month. I didn’t need to shave because it took that long to grow skin again!

I told you to cringe!!! Looking back now it is a bit funny.

So what happened today?

I’m getting to it.

I did learn my lesson to not wax at home. I did not learn, however, that I should not use up and down motions, shave when I’m tired or work too quickly around important areas.

When using conditioner on the skin instead of shaving cream, there is one piece of advice that is critical to remember and one of my readers said it best: “The only downside is it gets a little too slippery to handle.”

Late last night I was tired and actually started to prepare to go to bed earlier than usual, but when I got in the shower I decided to shave anyway (MISTAKE #1). I smeared the conditioner all over while the bathroom filled with steam. Everything was going great with the shaving, but with all that warm fog billowing around me, I started to get really sleepy. Being sleepy on top of being tired is not a good combination. I was shaving in every direction trying to get the job done faster (MISTAKE #2). I was pretty close to being done, so I wasn’t really paying that much attention (MISTAKE #3) even though I was shaving one of those important areas (MISTAKE #4).

While lying down waiting to heal today, I tried to come up with a battle and safety plan for my daily shaving so that it doesn’t become an adventure. So far, I’ve thought of nothing. However, if anyone needs help shaving, um….don’t ask me because while other people shave, I butcher.

Yes, Mom and Alyssa, I did blog about it.