My grandmother, who is now deceased, grew up and lived in the same town all her life. When she was young, a man could should shake hands and it was as binding as a contract because his integrity within the community was directly tied to his actions.
If my grandparents were still alive, it would be nearly impossible to explain internet relationships to them. No one shakes hands. The only contracts seen are “agree” radio buttons that only require a click at the end of a whole bunch of mumbo jumbo. Communication is accomplished through email, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, BlogFrog, StumbleUpon, Digg, YouTube, MySpace, Flickr, blogs and many, many other ways.
There is very little face-to-face interaction.
Two years ago, after a forced introduction to blogging, I started my own blog and named myself The Redhead Riter. Online I was like a child in pre-school – I knew absolutely nothing about social media, blogs, communities, forums, blogging conferences or any of the people that had already built a social authority in a niche. The one thing that I did know was that I enjoyed the whole online atmosphere of opportunity and learning, so I jumped in with both feet.
The first thing I did was research, visit and read other people’s blogs. I jumped through all the hoops: Google followed, Twitter friend, Facebook Fan, Facebook Friend, Networked Blogs followed, BlogFrog followed and became a member of countless online communities where I followed, followed, followed. Along with all the following, I commented, commented, commented for four to eight hours every night. Yeah, I heard you gasp, but I am a little OCD and I wanted to find the “success” that everyone claimed was online.
During all these late hours, I still remained true to myself. What you read is who I am – a simply complicated, redheaded woman who loves deeply and is passionate about many things. I love my family…completely. My Mom, sister, niece, daughter and I have been to Hell and back many times during our lives, but one thing remains solid and true – we love each other no matter what happens.
So with that kind of background and foundation, I started blogging and tried to learn the ropes from the “big” bloggers. I made comments on their blogs and wrote emails asking questions and seeking advice. Since blogging was touted as a warm experience with caring people, I was eager to be a part of a wonderful experience. I kept seeking answers to questions from those people that knew the answers, but my mailbox remained barren and the comments/questions I had left on their blogs were never answered. Their online persona professed that they wanted to be part of a community of women. That was true, but it was also only one-sided – they wanted to be adored, but did not want to truly give back.
Had I been disillusioned or was the upper echelon of big bloggers selfish, arrogant and hypocritical? Those are the hot buttons in real life or online that turn me off. I can not tolerate hypocrisy in any relationship. I truly believe that what is good for the goose is also good for the gander!
Since I was determined not to fail, I put my nose to the grindstone and studied blogging and social media online, in books and articles. I quit reaching out to big bloggers for answers because the rejection left a bitter taste in my mouth. I do not think rejection is easy for anyone, but it really is a toughie for me.
Eventually, I started a community on Ning that I eventually moved over to BlogFrog. This proved to be an excellent choice. Everyone at BlogFrog headquarters has been helpful, kind, friendly and supportive which was a stark contrast to my former community host and big blogger experiences.
Another thing happened when I started a community – I found people who were not arrogant. Instead they are sincere, open, caring and supportive of not just me, but each other as well. Now that time has passed, these same people have become my friends and I have also found friends on Facebook and Twitter. They are willing to help promote my dreams just as I have made the effort to assist them. It is a total win-win situation.
What I have now are “relationships” online.
Do you want to know the secret to online success?
Relationships.
Two way, give and take, sincere relationships.
It is the same thing you have to do with people face-to-face…build relationships.
After two years of doing everything myself, I have a whole bunch of blogging “how to” and “how not to” information floating around my gray matter. I am not a pro who is earning six figures (yet), but I am not a novice either. I feel more comfortable with the entire blogging process and actually have goals that hopefully will lead to further success online. There are several differences between me and the “big” bloggers that ignored me:
- I know that we are all valuable human beings existing on the same planet and in case you haven’t noticed yet – the planet is not that big
- My actions towards other people should always reflect my values because it leaves a lasting impression
- I truly enjoy helping other people.
The saying is, “To thine own self be true,” and I am in fact a reflection of “what you see is what you get.”
Do I harbor ill will against the arrogant, hypocritical bloggers? Well, no, of course not, but I must confess…
Every time I go to Twitter, there is a section on the page that offers suggestions of people to follow. Today, the three suggestions were none other than bloggers who ignored me – not once did they ignore me, but many, many times. I am just one person, so if I follow them on Twitter or not, well, it means nothing to them. I do not follow them in any sense of the word…not on Twitter, Facebook or in the way they treat other people. Seeing them splash on my Twitter page caused me to think about the last two years with “me”. I like who I am, what I believe, how I love and how I am not arrogant nor will I ever be that way. After a long struggle in my personal life, I finally see light at the end of a very dark tunnel.
Yeah, when I looked in the mirror of my soul today, I am happy to be me and thankful to know you.
to your fellow man;
true nobility is being superior
to your former self.”
I am so glad you wrote this post. When I started blogging, I felt the same way. Most of the "biggie" bloggers never responded back to me, never followed me back and never made a comment to me. Except you. You have been so helpful in so many ways and it really does mean a lot to us "smaller" people when the "biggies" respond. And yes, you are one of them. I've really tried to take your lead and respond to new bloggers who follow me and comment on my blog. I know how much it means to know you are valued. So thank you… for being you.
You truly do not know how much this post means to me!!! I hope if I ever get that 'big' I will still be me on the inside as well…never forgetting where I came from!
Oh, I love this one.
I too try and comment, help, reach out to others but with the "cool" kids do find it very one sided. As I do not put up with that sort of shit irl I sure as hell ain't gonna with a faceless bunch of internet wannabes!
Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of caring, compassionate women bloggers out there, who are willing to reciprocate when needed. But the ones who want us to lay down and worship at the alter of their bloginess… Well, I just walk away.
OH I love this.
Because I regard you as a "big blogger." =)
And since I am pretty new-ish to the whole blogging world… I'm running across the same sorts of situations… but not from you. 😉
Good for you…sticking to your guns and being real through out.
~Brooke
p.s.. I totally have to go read one of your "linkwithin" posts at the bottom of this blog.. "Taking off my Bra in the Bosses' office." Ha! I can't wait to see what that says!
Bloody brilliant! I too have been snubbed, ignored, scorned and seen as a tiny little peon in a superior blogging pool. There is a real holier than thou attitude to some blogs. However, having only been doing this now since May, I feel I have made some wonderful, caring and sincerely warm connections with people. It is a true community where you can meet people from all corners of the globe. I am hooked and maybe, like you, within a few years will have made many online friends and, hopefully, meet some face to face in the future.
Your blog is brilliant and on my inspiration list.
Warmest wishes
Dianne
XO
Ah, Red! I sit her commenting staring your Blueberry Sour Cream Muffin Lemon Surprise next to my comment box – and I am going to tell you that next right after I move and find all my tins, I am going to make that in tribute to your friendship, started 2 years ago when I opened shop at Blue Cotton Memory! Through our blogs, we met and created a sweet support system of words and prayers that has blessed me during this tough 2 years! I think the only really successful blogs that impact lives are the ones that build relationships – those are the best blogs – and that is what you have!
I'm sorry you got involved with those type of people. I'm very much like you, I tend to take people to heart and get hurt easily, although I've been lucky online (so far), even if the "big boys" ignore me. I too enjoy the mutual helpfulness that "friends" and contacts have provided – I always reciprocate. Always and find most people offer to as well. I'm definitely going to find out about BlogFrog. Keep at it – and I'm still around (even if I'm not as active as I should be) 🙂
You have your head screwed on. Great post xx
I know what you are talking about! I have learned to never ask the "big guys/gals" for help in any form. Your blog is the only place I ever have to go to dig through your blog and the answer is usually here.
I guess I'm not the only snubbed person! That's sad, but somehow comforting…you know what I mean. Thank you all for sharing that bit of information. I was rather thrilled to see the "biggies" on my Twitter page knowing that I didn't have to click or try to get their help any more. It was such a lovely feeling…very empowering.
As for all your sweet words about me and my blog…Thank you so much. Sometimes I wonder what you all are thinking because I don't have a "commenting" bunch of readers. LOL I know you're reading because my stats say so, but it is nice to hear what you're thinking especially on this topic. Cheers to all of us for finding each other so that we don't have to worry about arrogant bloggers…Hip, hip, hooray!
Thank you all for reading my blog. You're a wonderful group and I just love you and appreciate your support!
I love this post. I've watched you grow a lot over the past two years and I do think you have remained true to yourself.
I have deleted many blogs I follow because they got "too big". I just don't enjoy them anymore.
This REALLY hit home and struck a CHORD in me, especially: "Every time I go to Twitter, there is a section on the page that offers suggestions of people to follow. Today, the three suggestions were none other than bloggers who ignored me."
If I'd nodded any harder I'd have strained my neck … there and "here in the blogging world" I will no longer tolerate the "usual suspects" who are false, hypocritical users who neither take their own advice on "brand networking" (UGH) NOR "really care" about anyone but themselves. This is a FANTASTIC blog post to be referenced, re-read and bookmarked. And … thank you for it. Paul / @PaulBritPhoto
Heck no, you're not the only "snubbed" people. I have had similar experiences. But I realize that people get busy and while "hopping" around to all the blogs, it can get confusing sometimes to find your way back to a blog that you really liked. But one of the most disappointing experiences that I've had, was in conjunction with one of those "biggie" bloggers and their "social" community. Oh, you know the one…meet every weekend, link up and comment on other ladies blogs. She was in a tight spot for a time, getting her personal and professional life together, and I noticed that the site that I had found accidentally, and yet happily, was starting to get less and less attention from her and we were all suffering for it. So I emailed her, told her that I'd love to help support the site, wrote a ton of guest posts, and even ran the whole thing for her for a couple of weeks. And trust me, it wasn't easy. Trying to writing things that people would be interested in that had to do with the "theme" of that site and all. But I was glad to do it. It gave me some experience, taught me how to work the whole "linky" thing and I met a few great writers in the process. And all though, I emailed her a few times for advice or help, I heard nothing from her. But what bothered me and actually hurt my feelings was this: She came back (from wherever it was that she went) and re-vamped the whole site. And it looks great. And I still go there on the weekends, although without the same enthusiasm as before;but I never received a single "thank you" or "I appreciate what you did for the site"….nothing. That hurt. But it also taught me something valuable. I've learned how to help other bloggers. I'm not the sharpest pencil in the drawer, but if someone needs help with a button, or plugin I'm more than happy to help them. My feelings were hurt by this "biggie" blogger, but my reward for all the hard work was seeing my button on a few folks' blogs now. And THAT is an awesome feeling.
Great post Red…Thanks
I am way more active on Facebook than in any other communities, with occasional forays into Twitter. (It used to be the other way around.) I try to always answer any questions anyone asks me on my blog or elsewhere and I really, really try to be helpful when I can.
Their loss! You're a talented gem. : )
Dear Red,
You hit a home run with this post! I know lots of bloggers, including me, who have felt looked down upon by bigger bloggers. At the end of the day, they are in the minority. I have met tons of bloggers, especially you who care and share. I just stick with these folks. I have never been a sheep and don't need to follow big bloggers who don't reciprocate.
I will never forsake you dear friend, not ever. Your site encouraged, supported and helped me brave those first days of blogging and I will always be grateful to you. Some days my inbox spits at me when I open it to 1500 e-mails, I would spit back – but who the hell has time to then go and clean the screen 😉
So succinctly written and aptly put! I am not a BIG blogger but I sure remember the days when I had only a handful of followers – and will never ignore anyone who asks me for help – never (hold me to that ok!)
Have a wonderful weekend my dear … and don't go checking my blog, having been at TypeA since Tuesday I have not been near my blog – it was rather liberating!
I love this post! You said it very, very well.
I am guilty of not commenting a lot, but I do try to as often as possible. I have felt the same way a lot. I am a newbie, and don't yet understand of lot of the blogging world, but I am learning everyday.
I get so excited when someone leaves a comment! But it is a darn shame when you take time to comment and then feel like there is no one out there.
But mostly, I stick with reading the blogs I enjoy and comment as I can. I hope to get feedback, this is a great opportunity for learning from others like you that are kind enough to help us newbies.
I love your blog, and hope to "see" you here for a long, long time!
Thanks again, Nana Marie
Well Red, from my little POV you seem quite big. It amazes me the jockeying for comment position which goes on in many of the big blogs. I don't know if they even read my comment at #116. And they certainly would never follow me…it's a whole new world out there but sometimes it's still filled with the mean girls.
Great post! I need to get back onto my blogfrog account and check things out some more. Cheers–VB
Vinobaby said, "Well Red, from my little POV you seem quite big."
I'm looking in the mirror and I am SURE I haven't gained back that 25 lbs. Are you sure I look big? LOL
I couldn't resist. LOL
Red, as usual your perspective is right on. I am glad I found you early on because you have been wonderful. I started out tinkering around with a website and did not give up on the "this will happen". So today I got excited about a $3 commission…ha! Thanks for being true to yourself because it truly has helped us. 🙂
wow. thanks for writing this!! it's hard to get starting in the blogging world. when I first really started to see the community being built, I, too, reached out to "big bloggers" thinking, "Well, they must've gotten there the same way I did… step by step with the help of others."
and like you… not much response. much like the same thing, sometimes I feel like I only get visits from certain people if i visit them first.
anywho…. thanks for writing this.
You were at least brave enough to try asking them questions. I'm a very small fish in a very big pond. I blog, but do not really consider myself a blogger. I rarely comment on the big fishes' blogs because I never thought they'd respond. I read a few of them because I find them humorous, but even that is rare.
Well said, my dear. Well said. I totally agree with you! Hugs!!
I have to admit that I am not surprised that there are mean people that would do such a thing. It is terrible–yes, I know. I have had good relationships thus far with bloggers–even the big bloggers. I have struggled with sponsors at times, but not too often. I think the thing that annoys me is that when I comment on someone's blog, it often means nothing to them. That's not the case with you. You were the first "big blogger" that came to my little site and made a real comment! I thank you for that. And as to those big bloggers that snubbed you, you surely don't need them! I love your blog, and I know that when I see an e-mail from you or a tweet or anything like that that it is real and quality. Thanks for being true to yourself!
Well said, Red.
What a response. You really hit a chord in people. So very interesting that so many of us have had such a similar experience and then there is you and your strong message that is leading by example and teahing us so much too. Just more proof and validation to you that you are true to yourself and your message and more validation to me that I have found just what I was looking for in a blogging friend in you. How lucky we all are! -Laverene visiting from Kindred Adventures *MWAH*
I thank you first of all for being you ~ 2nd ~ My blog post today is about sharing my traumas with others to hopefully help others ~ When I read this post of yours, I couldn't help but feel we are 'channeling' one another in some way and the Universe is connecting us and it is wonderful and a bit 'uncanny' as well ~ Yet, 'water does seek its own level' ~ so even in cyberspace we find our 'kindred' spirits ~ Wow! Enjoy your week ~ hugs ~ ^_^
Bravo!!!!
From my little corner of the blogging world, you're one of the big fish AND YET, you've been nothing but gracious and FUN! So thank you for always making me feel like I matter.
I've found the same thing in the the blogging world. I've been around longer than some of the big bloggers so it really frustrates me when I get snubbed.
I really need to get back over to Blog Frog again. Your community has always been a favorite of mine. I had to let BF go for awhile just because I got overwhelmed with too much social media but I might get back soon!
You rock….and those that snubbed you? Well its their loss, I get so much help from wee bloggers like myelf and love the relationships I have made. Btw I tried to make a community at blogfrog but just can't seem to get the hang of it…may have to revisit that little friend pool 🙂
I'm more hurt by those who started blogging around the same time as I did who "hit it big" and never looked back. These are people I brainstormed and collaborated with that now I don't even follow. It's important to remember which relationships are important because blogging stardom? is mostly luck.
Love you Red!
That is all. 🙂
Love this post, and I also wanted to say thank you for all your blogging tips. I've been implementing some of them and improving on my blog- in small steps but I am starting to get more followers.
Lisa
You summed up my experience better than I could have ever done. I don't have a blog but Twitter was such an eye opener – got snubbed and ignored more than I wish to remember. At the beginning it was very hurtful till it finally dawned on me that I spent my whole life without the big ones' acceptance or approval and I really have no reason to chase it now. As the saying goes 'to test people's integrity, give them power (real or perceived)'. A lot of them failed the test and I feel sorry for them but that's really not my problem any more!
Love the quote by Hemingway. And I love sincere and nice people. "We're all in this together" is a nice sentiment, but it sure does seem that there are "those" bloggers out there who don't have any desire to share the wealth. I am also a believer in blogfrog..just joined but have already made new friends.
I ended up here from Blog Frog and just got started reading all your blogging tips. Thank You!
You must be a fly on our wall. My husband has been helping me market my iPhone Apps and has been emailing bloggers and posting on the blogs that allow it. He's been shocked by the number of people that won't bother to email back or respond to his posts. Almost every night, he says "Would it hurt them to respond, I don't have an iPhone, or I'm not interested".
But now that I think about it, I haven't responded to some of the comments on my blog. I'm just as rude!
Ooops, gotta go respond.
Great article! I have found both supportive and non-supportive "big bloggers". I'm going to check out your group!