Why You Should Pumice Your Hideous Heels

I’m obsessive about many things and have just learned to accept this behavior in myself and others. Sometimes it’s easy to live with and other times it’s not. I’m going to tell you about a time it’s not. As a matter of fact, this is one of my pet peeves.

I can’t stand feet that have unpumiced, dry, flaky, cracked, hard heels.

Did you just get a visual?

Grossed you out didn’t it?

Hopefully you didn’t look down at your own feet and gag.

Don’t worry, I’m going to help you first and then make you laugh.

You’ll be okay, I promise.

How and why do feet and heels get so rough?

Feet are naturally dry and some people who are predisposed to dry skin (also known as xerosis) have even dryer feet. As we walk, the pressure causes the edge of the heel to squish out which often causes fissures or cracks in the skin.

Imagine it like this:

• You have a chocolate truffle (You know I couldn’t go a day without thinking of chocolate!)
• You set a glass on it
• The pressure mashes it which causes it to squish out towards the sides a bit
• You put ice in the glass
• Then you add something to drink in the glass
• The pressure from the added weight causes cracks to form on the sides of the candy as it is being squished even further out

That’s the same thing that happens to your heels!

What causes heels to crack?

• Walking/running (This is a good reason not to exercise! Sorry, I couldn’t help myself with that one.)
• Standing for a long time on hard flooring
• Shoes that are open in the back because they allow your foot to squish outward like a chocolate truffle
• Having a little extra weight increases pressure on a foot that was made to support less weight
• Medical conditions such as diabetes and thyroid disease

How to get rid of rough skin on feet and heels!

If your feet look hopeless, do yourself a favor and go to a nail salon. Walk up to the counter and say, “I need a pedicure.” They will guide you over to a comfortable chair that has built in massagers. After you sit down, a tub at the end of the chair will be filled with warm water.

Ahhhhhhhh…feel the bubbly, warm water as it flows around your foot and between your toes….

You’ll put your feet in the tub of water and let them soak for a few minutes after which the technician will pumice, massage and then lotion your feet and calves. When that is finished, the technician will even paint your toenails!!!

So that is where you should start because I don’t want you to get frustrated with your concrete heels. Gag!

To keep your heels feeling soft as a baby’s bootie and desirable, there are several things you can do. Just remember, if your feet start being taken over by dry skin, go back to the salon. Never, ever, ever let them get superdee dooperdee hard again.

A few tips for keeping feet sexy:

• Apply moisturizer to feet twice a day. Lotion. Lotion. Lotion.
• Wear properly fitting shoes with adequate padding.
• Lose the extra pounds (Yeah, I know it’s hard, but you’ll feel better too if you do it)
• Keep a pumice stone in the shower. Before getting out, pumice feet to remove excess skin.
• Don’t use a callous remover or razor to remove excess dry skin. This method of dry skin removal can lead to cuts and infection. It is better to remove the skin gently. If you want to peel something, go buy a banana or potato, but keep your foot away from those heavy duty, bladed skin removers.
• Put Vaseline on your feet and cover with socks once a week while sleeping. Ladies this does not look sexy unless you are wearing your spouses shirt, so by all means borrow his shirt!!
• Get foot massages with lotion. When your feet are massaged, it increases circulation. The added lotion is also great and aids in the ease of rubbing and the enjoyment of being rubbed.

Why you should pumice your hideous heels

Brace yourself.

• Rough heels will destroy a pair of fishnet hose really fast. What ladies?! You don’t have a pair of fishnet hose?? We will definitely have to talk about that later. (Shaking my head in dismay and thinking to myself, “Aren’t they reading my Marriage posts?”)
• Rough skin on the heels will pick/snag the sheets as you slide into bed causing runners in the satin material. What do you mean you don’t have satin sheets? You’ve got to have at least one set of satin sheets! Ummm, have you ever listened to Barry White or Kenny G between satin sheets? Okay, we will discuss this when we talk about why you must own fishnet hose.
• You do not want to appear on the internet with super calloused heels. Really! If you are walking through the store someone might take a picture of your ugly, rough heels while you’re wearing flip flops. Worse yet – If you are single, the person of your dreams might walk right past you and those hideous heels. Those heels can be scary – very scary.
• Your spouse will not want to rub or kiss your feet. You have a phobia of feet? I’m so sorry because you are really missing out in my opinion. Feet feel good and that’s all I’m going to say about it now.
• Rough feet will grow animal fur. Well, they don’t exactly grow it, but it will look as if fur is growing on them. Let me explain…You’re stretched out in the recliner. The dog or cat brushes against your feet as it is walking past. Your feet are as rough as the fur brush, so it brushes the animal’s coat. Loose fur is removed from the pet’s coat and is now stuck between the picky cracks of your feet. You have furry feet!
• Rough feet cause automobile wrecks. While laying back in the passenger seat of the automobile, you take off your shoes and stretch your feet out and rest them on the dashboard. Cars driving past are so appalled by your rough heels that their passing glance turns into a stare. This causes them to lose attention to their driving and either hit the vehicle in front of their vehicle or to veer off the road and crash.
• Hideous heels will destroy hardwood floors. Put quite simply, rough heels are like sandpaper and they will wear the finish off of beautiful hardwood floors.
• Rough heels are hideous! Not cute hideous like Shrek. Ugly hideous! Okay, so I said it. They are hideous heels when the skin is rough, dry and cracking. Remember how Smokey the Bear used to say, “Only you can prevent forest fires”? Well, “Only you can prevent hideous heels.”

Now look down. How do you feet and heels look to you? Rough? Oh no! Get rid of hose hideous heels!!!

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