have their moments
of fatigue.”
~Friedrich Nietzsche~
When you look back on your life, so often you can say, “Wow! I’m so glad THAT happened or I would never have been able to enjoy THIS!” However, there are those times we look back and think, “Why?! Why?! Why did that have to happen to me?!”
I’m living the “Why?!” statement now.
- Tough luck.
Bummer.
Too bad.
Keep going.
Suck it up.
This too shall pass.
Keep your chin up.
Trust in God and give it all to him.
So sorry.
Tomorrow will be a better day.
All these things are for your experience.
Obviously, I’m not doing or believing in those statements much.
As I’m sure you are well aware, I have a strong faith in God, but if I am honest, I feel black listed, shunned and tortured. The only thing that has kept me alive is that faith because without it, I would have already been gone. There comes a point when there is just too much unhappiness, turmoil, anxiety and struggling. I keep feeling that I can not take even one more step.
It’s pathetic that I want to give up and quit after all I have been through and accomplished to this point. I try to dwell on the future, but it seems too overwhelming. I am taking the future in small morsels at this point. If I think too much about it, I start to feel panic.
I take the present one hour at a time unless I’m at work and then it is one minute at a time since I now hate my job. I’ve been betrayed and since I take it personally instead of just looking at it as “business,” I’m hurt. Really hurt. Crushed. I won’t ever put myself in that predicament again.
As the weekend ended, I was disappointed and hurt with my family. They know how I am suffering. They can see it when they look at me. They can feel it as they look around our home. They can hear it by the silence that seems to echo within the walls of our home. With my only goal being to put up a Christmas tree, no one wanted to help. Not only with the tree, but with anything else in the house.
I’m puzzled and confused.
Haven’t I always been there for them?
Don’t I always do things to keep the home moving without a hitch?
Will I get up again in the morning to go to work and put food on the table, clothes on their back, roof over their head and vehicles or gas under their feet?
Are all the things I do not appreciated?
Am I expected to give up all my life as a servant to their needs, whims and desires as if I exist only to make their life more pleasant?
So my home life is feeling like my work life and I’m not liking either one.
What’s left?
I’m at a true cross roads in my life. I’ve never had more knowledge in my head, talent, or qualities worthy of love and appreciation, yet I am so unhappy. It really is rather ridiculous and it even makes me angry.
All I know is that I don’t like the road I’m on and it won’t be long before I definitely get off of it – one way or the other – with or without anyone else. There is only so much pain that one person can take before they explode and disappear. I should know…I’ve been there and done that before and I didn’t give up.
I’m not the same person any more and I just don’t have the same drive to keep on plowing through a huge pile of manure and a mountain of rock. Something has got to change. Something has to let up on me. Something has to because I’m not going to stay puzzled for much longer.
Okay, that was a lot of typing without taking a breath.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
(Asthma) Cough. Cough.
(Inhaler puffing noise.)
Hmmm…at least I’m not saying hooooo hooooo heeeee heeee. For those of you that don’t recognize the hoooo heeee thing – that’s the way the nurses tell you to breathe when you are in labor, having contractions and the baby is getting close to being delivered.
No, I’m not having a baby. That was simply my attempt at a little comic relief to help us move to the next lighter and happier topic.
With all that behind us for now, we can enjoy the celebration of my friends who send me love and hugs on a daily basis. They are a great group of women who know what matters most in this life and practice what they preach.
This is the weekly post where I spotlight my Rockin’ Friends who are the Top Nine active participants and loyal followers in my community! If you want to be mentioned here next week, then all it takes is to come in and start chatting with everyone in my community.
With a big thank you for their participation and friendship, here are the Rockin’ Friends this week in order of most participation —however, I’m changing it up a bit this week. I’m posting their pictures (beautiful women with lovely smiles) along with the names of all their blogs.
My community is all fixed up for Christmas with a festive wallpaper. In case you haven’t ever clicked over to see, I thought I would let you take a peek. When you come over, make sure you stop by THE DAILY CHAT and say “Hi!” because it is the place we all sit down and have a chat each day. Well, I’m assuming they are sitting down!!
This week the special spotlight is shining on Deb of Just Short of Crazy. Deb’s “About Me” is as follows:.
I started looking at Deb’s blog from the oldest to newest postings. Have you ever picked blueberries? Well, I loved reading Berry Picking & Alpaca’s. Cute animals too, but I know they will spit at you. That’s another story altogether.
Birthdays have always been a big deal to me, so I can remember when I too thought Oh. My. 40.
I couldn’t pass this one up because I’m a sucker for a Sunrise.
You will hear Deb’s excitement and a huge sigh of relief when you read So Proud
I really enjoyed Silk Tie Dyed Eggs! I love all that crafty stuff. However, I tried to blow eggs a few times and just imagine a moose blowing eggs. Yeah, I don’t think my eggs would look like Bev’s beautiful eggs.
You’re not going to find this stuff Blooming now, but it is nice to enjoy while the wind is howling outside.
Who could resist a post entitled Say Hello To My New Baby? I know Deb’s is tickled pink every day!
Since we do the same thing, I loved the post and especially the pictures in Strawberry Pickin’. I could almost smell the fields. If you ever get the chance to pick strawberries…take it! You’ll never forget the fragrant fruit wafting in the air and the taste of warm strawberries that were just picked ten seconds earlier. Yum!
There are also other posts that you won’t want to miss:
I’m so glad that I’ve been able to get to know Deb better since she has become active in my community and by reading her blog. Be sure to add Just Short of Crazy to your blogroll, but also come over and chat with Deb in my community.
For everyone mentioned in the top nine this week, feel free to grab the Rockin’ Friend badge below and thank you for your participation!!
Until the spotlight next week…Happy Chatting Rockin’ Friends!
Don’t forget to add your blog URL to the Linky at Woo Us To Your Blog and learn blogging tips that will help you have a polished blog and to increase your traffic! This week it is all about horizontal rules — hey, keep your mind out of the gutter LOL.
Until next week…Kiss your family, hug your friends and don’t forget to be the friend you would like to have around.
I know this is a silly question, but have you talked to your co-habitators about how difficult this is for you?
Believe me, my family is clueless!
I've come to the realization that God for some reason wants me to live one day at a time – not looking to far forward, not looking back. I'm totally baffled, but trusting. I know when I do that, I am not a puddle, am able to find joy and peace.
As a mom, I understand how we make everything work – and then nobody wants to help us work – I think it's a stage that hits them when they're getting ready to leave the nest to a couple of years out of the nest, before they start reaching back, spending time. It is just not a very fun mom time:)
We definitely ought to get together for a cup of coffee! LOL We could at least make each other laugh! And pass the kleenex box!
I'll be praying for you:) I had a friend who used put me on her bathroom mirror prayer list! I think I will put you on my 4 p.m. coffee list (You will be the first – but what a great way to have yoru coffee!!!)
I have no words for how you are feeling. If it helps any, your are not alone, I can hear your pain in every sentence and I can relate. I'm sending oodles of hugs and tons of love your way. Hoping that things turn around and that they turn around for you quickly.
Thank you, RedHeadRiter!
One breath, one moment, then the next moment..each one a success. I share with you this poem:
DON'T QUIT
by Edgar A. Guest
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
when the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
when the funds are low and the debts are high,
and you want to smile but you have to sigh,
when care is pressing you down a bit – rest if you must,
but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns.
As everyone of us sometimes learns.
And many a fellow turns about when he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow – you may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than it seems to a faint and faltering man;
often the struggler has given up when he might have captured the victor's cup;
and he learned too late when the night came down,
how close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out – the silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
and when you never can tell how close you are,
it may be near when it seems afar;
so stick to the fight when you're hardest hit – it's when things seem worst,
you must not quit.