I’m in agony and the pain is like someone is ripping my heart out of my chest. My dad was rushed to the hospital because he was and still is in so much pain. The doctors believe that he has cancer all over, but will not know for sure until after more tests tomorrow. Right now they are keeping him sedated so that he won’t suffer so badly. How does one cope with this sort of illness and tragedy? I know that God is my dad’s Father, but I can’t understand “infinite wisdom” because I am a mere human. I’ve read the scriptures. Prayed and had my prayers answered. Tried to be a decent and compassionate person. Attended church. Given service to the needy. I even believe that this mortal life is just a brief moment in our existence. That some day we all step out of our body and step into eternity. That alone is supposed to bring me happiness because I have knowledge of the great plan. Now, it is all elusive because it is affecting my dad. Your comments and emails are filled with kindness, compassion and gentle words. They speak of faith, belief and an understanding that is communicated between the lines of each sentence. I feel you care for me. I have clung to these things today. My soul aches for Dad’s suffering…a suffering that I can’t take away. I wonder if that is how God feels when we hurt. Does he want to remove the unhappiness from our lives? How can he watch us when our bodies fail and our souls are wrenched? When we call out his name in all of our sorrow, how can he let us keep hurting? I’m struggling to see the value of suffering and hardships in our lives. Are humans so filled with pride that we must endure pain in order to become humble? Then again, we all know that it is all part of the plan…
They were part of the program.
We were even told,
‘Blessed are they that mourn.'”
Then there is that evil thing called “money” which stands in the way and prevents us from doing so many good things. Instead of being with my dad this week, I have to stay here and go to work so that I will have money to support my family. Somehow that just all feels wrong. I feel weak. Raw. Angry. It is all just so wrong that he has cancer.
by John Clare
And what is Life? An hour-glass on the run,
A mist retreating from the morning sun,
A busy, bustling, still-repeated dream.
Its length? A minute’s pause, a moment’s thought.
And Happiness? A bubble on the stream,
That in the act of seizing shrinks to nought.
And what is Hope? The puffing gale of morn,
That of its charms divests the dewy lawn,
And robs each flow’ret of its gem—and dies;
A cobweb, hiding disappointment’s thorn,
Which stings more keenly through the thin disguise.
And what is Death? Is still the cause unfound?
That dark mysterious name of horrid sound?
A long and lingering sleep the weary crave.
And Peace? Where can its happiness abound?
Nowhere at all, save heaven and the grave.
Then what is Life? When stripped of its disguise,
A thing to be desired it cannot be;
Since everything that meets our foolish eyes
Gives proof sufficient of its vanity.
‘Tis but a trial all must undergo,
To teach unthankful mortals how to prize
That happiness vain man’s denied to know,
Until he’s called to claim it in the skies.
Someone tell me what to write…
Red,
I wish there was something I could do or say to help lift your spirits. I've been in your position before, or rather one very similiar (because I believe each person goes through it differently) and I didn't know how I would manage. My faith helped me through at times (I won't lie, I was in a bad place). And I hope that yours does as well.
I pray that you find some sense of peace. And that you are able to go and spend time with your father.
Hugs from California!
I think you've written everything you needed to say.
Thinking of you and praying that you and your family feel the embrace of our heavenly father around you.
Lisa
I'm really sorry to hear about your dad, I hope he's okay. You shouldn't feel guilty about working, you will spend time with him.
So sorry to hear about your father 🙁 I almost lost my dad a few years ago and I still get all teared up when I think about it. I love him so much & I knew I couldn't stand it if he were gone. I have lost several family members to cancer and it is so hard. I will pray for you and your father. All you can do is be strong & continue to show him your love. The rest is in God's hand.
My heart goes out to you. I remember when my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer, I couldn't believe that my dad could have such a thing, he was strong, invincible, always my hero.
I had just registered for school to get my bachelors degree and had been making the plans for a while. I was tempted to put it off since we had found out my dad was sick, but he made me promise that I wouldn't change my plans because he was sick.
Your dad knows you love him and he understands your obligations. when you feel that you need to be with him, you will be there.
I'm thinking of and praying for you
Sherri
Oh Red, I'm SO SORRY!! I guess the best we can do is offer our love, prayers and support… Oh! Here's my virtual shoulder… and I have lots of tissues!
What you WROTE was so emotional and from the heart… What should you write next??? You could share memories of better days shared with him, things he instilled in you, things you have in common with him, things that made him proud, things that made you proud of him, what were his hobbies, his work ethic, etc…
Just some thoughts…
LOVE, (((HUGS))) and PRAYERS!!
I agree you have said all you need to. I fear there are no words any of us can send to lighten the load you now endure.
I will send my prayers and my bony shoulder just in case you need it, though. 🙁
Trying To Get Over The Rainbow
Yes it is all wrong, money is the root of all evil, there will never be any ease from it. I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I am sure your love for him will be helping him.
CJ xx
So sorry to read about your dad! How are you managing to blog through this?! Your family will be in my prayers.
I just lifted you and your DAD, and entire family up and over to our Lord. He is the true physician.
I'm sorry for your pain. I respect the fact, even in your sorrow you have such a way of drawing in a reader with your talented writing abilities.
May God bless you and fill you with HOPE, JOY, and PEACE as you trust in him.
I am so sorry to hear about your dad ((HUGS)). My heart is right there with you as you travel this road since I just lost my sister to cancer in May and know all-too-well what that journey looks like.
As for what to write…
Write whatever comes to mind. Write when nothing comes to mind. It will all work itself out in time. Just be willing to embrace the teaching that will come from this experience, even when the lessons are hard. Your readers are here, ready to listen to whatever you might have to say, and will walk this road with you.
Hannah
http://crayonscrittersandcraziness.blogspot.com/
I am so so sorry about your father…you and your family are in my prayers. I say write what is in your heart, what you need to get out but can't verbally say…use it as a way to heal yourself and help you through this difficult time. Know that we're all praying for you…
(hugs) I can't imagine the hurt you must feel that you can't do what you feel is right at this moment, but everything in life but a moment,I truly hope it gets better for you, and in time it might, but we all struggle we all have to face what we must and we come out stronger and better people for it. I have faith in you.
I am so sorry to hear of your dad's suffering!
You know Red, there comes these times in our lives when nobody can give you the answers you need or want. The Lord is in charge and we never know what his plans are for ourselves or our loved ones. I have added your Dad to my daily prayer list and you too, to have the strength to get through all this. I am so sorry you have to go through this.
I'm soryyt hat you are hurting so much, I have no words of comfort because I have the same thing in my life. I only pray for my dad, and as for my pain & suffering, I don't want it to go in vain, therefore I offer it up to the foot of the cross. If we are made to suffer as much as Jesus suffered for us, then I offer "my sufferings" for a greater good and that's for the conversion of sinners, to return to the heart of out Lord. I'll pray for you & your dad.
I felt your sorrow through your words. I don't know what to say, except that I'm so sorry. Sometimes I worry over what "might" be because I fear I will not be strong enough to endure it. I cling to my hope and prayers. Someone once said to me that no one leaves this world without a broken heart. I thought those were the awful words. But as time passed I knew that those words were true. And when my brother passed, I told God that I had my broken heart and so I didn't need any more. But during my dark hours, I felt the strength and love of others lift my wings just enough to carry me through. I hope that you too will feel strengthened through your pain. I will keep you and your father in my prayers.
I'm sorry your dad is suffering, and sorry you have to watch him do so. I struggle with some of the same questions you do. {{hugs}}
I wish I knew what to write to offer you comfort and ease your pain but I have no words.
You will be in my heart and in my prayers.
I am so sorry for what your family is going through. I hope they can help ease your father's pain. Your father and your family is in my prayers. Write from your heart just like you are.
You've already written what you need to write. I am so, so sorry that he is in such pain and that you are in such turmoil. I hope for peace for his body and your heart…
Sending you so much support…..
My dearest sister in Christ… There is not much I can say but, have a lot of faith. In life we all do not understand the plan that is set for us but we all have to take the walk. In our most troubled times is when we find that our faith in our creator weakens… It is stated that whenever you feel compelled to question GODS plan, you have lost the understanding of the original path we are all here for and have became more in the flesh than in our Faith… Jesus took the walk being a innocent man because that was his destiny and we are all glad he did. Where would be today if he had not taken that long road and in the middle gave up on us?
I read something today and I would like towrite the passage that I read… This is from a booklet called Our Daily Bread and it reads" Why do people run away from God? Is it because of anger,disobedience, or a web of rebellion woven from our own desires????
He pleases God best who trust him most.. Never claim any sickness. God is truly the healer. Having faith for someone else is not the same as having faith when it's one self. Be very strong in the most trying times of your life. Your dad has to be of a faithful spirit… Refreshining our relationship with God is something we need to all do often.. I leave you with this Sometimes it's hard to trust the Lord ,when you don't understand..
But fight the urge to run from him, Reach out and take his hand….
Be strong and my prayers go out to you and your family for if we are two in the mist God truly is listening… Be bless ….
I've had to deal with these same questions with my sons in January. You were with me – I know you prayed for me. Those prayers sustained – and I offer the same to you. I think Faith is the answer – Faith in God – Faith in Heaven – Faith that God knows what's going on – we're just getting half the story – if even that much!
http://bluecottonmemory.wordpress.com/2010/02/05/wheres-that-miracle/
(((hug)))
I am so sorry for your heartache and your dad's suffering. I wish there was something I could do to help. You are both in my prayers.