We are all still in different stages of shock.
I want to first say that Alyssa is alive. Those words continue to echo within my head every moment of the day.
It is a miracle.
I can not thank you all enough for your prayers and heartfelt support of Alyssa and my family. Your emails, comments on my blog and in my community have been repeating the words I have known my whole life. However, until now, I have never had so much fear or needed so much support.
It was a fear that filled every cell in my body and ached deep within my soul.
I will try to gather my thoughts and share the experience over the next week of sorrow, fear and now tentative happiness.
Alyssa has a bit further to go, but she is home.
At this point, she continues to have a large portion of her memory missing. Alyssa can recall very little of the last two months and spotty memories of the rest of her life. There are no memories of her seventeenth birthday, a visit from her father, things learned at school, how to drive, prom, and she still thought her puppy was tiny. She is scared and feeling rather lost, so we are hoping for an ever expanding miracle.
I’ve always “believed” that others could accomplish anything. I truly had no doubts. But as my frail, unconscious daughter hung onto life,
my faith wavered,
my soul wrenched with pain,
my mind was tormented with fear and doubt,
while I cried unceasingly.
I feel ashamed for my unbelief and weak spirit. Walking into the darkness, I faltered, stumbled upon my face and simply begged for my more time with my child. I can not thank God enough for answering my prayer with “yes” instead of the “no” that I frequently experience.
The reasons we must trod
Through uphill paths and valleys deep
As we strive to follow God.
At times we feel discouraged
And troubled is our soul,
We question as we wander
‘Lord, why must this be so?’
But then that glowing answer
With wonder hear Him say,
‘My Child, I’ve gone before you;
Just follow Me today…’
So, on and on we’ll wander
And with hand clasped tight in Thine;
Lord, lead me ever onward
And let Your will be mine.
Author, Venessa Litewski
I don't think there is anything harder for a mother then thinking that she is losing a child.
I have faced it far to often with my son who has mental illness. He has almost succeeded in taking his own life to quiet his mind.
I am grateful everyday I have with him, good or bad.
My heart has literally never hurt so much (thinking it would blow open) as the times I am in pain over my children.
Hold on with everything you have, let things go that don't need doing, take care of yourself but if someone says you really need to rest or take a break and you really just want to sit and stare at your child then you sit and stare at your child.
I'm sending up prayers for you.
So glad she is home. I'll continue to keep her and your whole family in my prayers!
Praise God! I can't tell you how relieved and happy I am for you. I will continue to keep your precious daughter and you in my prayers.
Love,
Erin
http://homeswheremyheartis.blogspot.com
I am thanking God that your daughter is alive and things are progressing in the right way. Do not be ashamed for weak moments, God understands and sees your pain. We all falter, especially when facing one of our biggest fears…
Praying for peace and a full and speedy recovery for your daughter!
My thoughts and prayers are with you all. My husband has started a prayer circle going for Alyssa.
My youngest son spent most of the first 2 yrs. of his life in the hospital with an illness. The drs. still have no clue as to what it was so I know how the darkness can seep in and try to consume you. But…God hears the prayers of friends and family.
We won't forget about you or your daughter.Prays and thoughts and hugs to continue. You are doing a great job.
I feel and know your pain, your eclectic mix of emotions.
My son has nearly died on more than one occasion.
You don't know which way is up, or if there even IS an up. You cling on to every little bit of something.
So happy to hear that things are on the right path.
Our God is an awesome God. 🙂
Be Blissful Always
Love & Blessings
xoxo
I enjoyed visiting your blog. Very insightful! Hopefully, mine will be an encouragement to you.
God Bless, Bob West
http://westbob.blogspot.com/2010/05/god-vs-science.html
I am so glad she is home. I can't imagine how hard this was and still is. I can only hope that she continues to improve. I am thinking of you all.
I'm happy for you that your daughter is home. Red, there is NO NEED to feel ashamed. You felt what a loving mother would feel and Father understood (understands) that. You didn't lose your faith whatsoever. You were trusting Him while loving your daughter at the same time.
Sherry,
I looked every day at your blog hoping for an update and fearing the worst. I was so happy to see today's post and know that she is home and on the road to recovery. I can only imagine all the emotions draining and elating you. When I went through my horrible times with Karen, it was so easy to loose sight of myself because nothing was more important than getting her well but looking back, I didn't do such a good job of taking care of me. I would have asked for more help, taken walks, eaten really healthy food instead of the quick fixes, meditated much more often and probably taken some meds to get me through. I hope that you squeeze out time for yourself to heal too.
Enjoy your time with your precious baby.
Lots of love, Joyce
I had a lump in my throat reading this post. I am so happy Alyssa is home! I know there is still a long road ahead, but your friends are here to walk it with you. peace my friend…
I agree with the post above I can't bear the thought of burying a child. I too am afraid mine will check out.
You are such a strong woman I admire you. I wish we were friends in real life so I could come to your house and hug you or do your dishes to help. Hang in there.
I can't imagine how scared you must have been.
I'm so happy your daughter is home, safe, with you.
We'll continue to think good thoughts for her recovery.
Much love,
Lori
Each time I stop by to visit, there is another glimpse of positive hope. May each and every day bring Alyssa closer to a complete and full recovery. Continued thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Hey Red! I am sooo glad that Alyssa is home! That is the "best" place for recovery. Don't worry about your shaken faith or don't be ashamed of "weakness". What is that God says? He is strongest when we are weakest. Just keep remembering that He created us and He can heal us. We all have our moments, especially in times like yours, and I believe that God understands. Remember, even Jesus had His moment of weakness when He said if possible let this cup pass me by, (but the key) nevertheless, not My will by Thy's will be done. You gained your faith back just as Christ did. We (my church and I) are still praying for y'all, as well as anyone who looks at my "prayerline". Love ya Bunches!
PJ
Hi precious one:) Yes, I can call you precious one, even though we've never met, because in God's eyes you are indeed "precious" to Him. Try not to ever feel guilty for all the vast emotions you have gone through during your daughter's severe illness. Remember, even though we are the Lord's, we are still human. I have prayed for Alyssa and am so happy to hear she is at home. My prayer is that she will continue to regain her memory, albeit slowly. She and you will hopefully be able to share "memories" all over again once regained.
I too have a son who is now 31 years old, Praise God!, but nearly left us on 3 different occasions. He has a rare blood disorder that causes his platelets to drop very fast, very low, and unexpectedly. So, our experiences are different in many ways, but the same in one…..scared to death we were going to lose our child.
Praying for YOUR emotional and physical strength right now…that it would be supercharged by the spirit I know is within you. Lots of love…..