Three Aisles Over

First, let’s clarify a definition. In the United States of America, the word “football” is a competitive game played with two teams and a ball that is carried up and down the field to earn points. The winning team is determined by the team with the most points at the end of the game. In other countries, “football” is called “gridiron” or “tackle football”.

The football teams consist of men in different roles, one of which is the defensive line. These men are supposed to prevent the players from the other team from getting past them. Have you ever seen men who play on the defensive line? Let me describe them:

1. muscular neck with a circumference the size of my thigh
2. shoulders as wide as a mountain
3. biceps the size of basketballs

I might have exaggerated just a wee bit. The men on the defensive line have bodies that look like this:

So when one of these men sneeze, I’m supposing that it sounds loud and manly, not tiny like a kitten. You’ve heard people sneeze like a kitten haven’t you? Maybe you actually sneeze like that too. Usually the soft, feminine sneeze comes from a woman who either holds her nose or was just born with a cute sneeze. These kitty sneezes barely make an audible sound or they simply make a tiny squeak.

Today, the pollen was so thick on my car that it was slightly yellow like this:

Lots of pollen means heightened allergy effects.

I’m one of those lucky allergy sufferers.

When there’s pollen around, a person with allergies is usually going to sneeze. My sneezes are very

loud,

bold,

strong,

powerful,

robust,

and basically manly.

I don’t have to worry about them being mistaken for a tiny, feminine, kitty sneeze. No, I have the sneeze of a football player on the defensive line.

That’s why people three aisles over in the grocery store yell, “Bless you!”

Am I embarrassed? Well, if I said that my white as chalk skin turns the color of a ripe strawberry, would that answer the question?

A-a-a-a-a-cho-o-o-o-o-o-o!