How Much of My Soul?

I have been contemplating to what extent I am willing to share “myself” with the internet’s population and in essence the world. I wouldn’t say “the world” except that according to my NeoCounter located in my right side bar (UPDATE: 2012 – I don’t use NeoCounter any more), my blog has been hit with viewers from 34 countries. With that being said, there are different feelings and events that human beings share with family, friends and acquaintances. Some feelings you never tell anyone (they remain personal secrets forever) while other emotions you share with everyone. How much of my soul am I willing to put on paper in an attempt to help others with their life experience? Well, that too is a hard question to answer because I AM a “people” person who is private. This juxtaposition is part of the uniqueness of my character. Rather than answer that question, I posed it as, How much of my soul am I willing to share with those I love in an attempt to improve their life experience? That answer was easier for me.

As I have struggled with the answers to these questions, serious introspection has taken place. This process of examining my mental and emotional characteristics and well being has not been easy. How many people really want to stand in front of the proverbial mirror and be totally honest? I would say that those people are in the minority or our population. If this wasn’t so, why do people start therapy and when the going starts to get rough and honest, they quit? Self-examination is not an easy task. Actually, it is more of a chore and unless it is to help change take place, what is the point?

During this process, I am becoming even more aware of who I am, what I like, what makes me tick, what gives me hope and what makes me happy along with all the antonyms of the previous adjectives. I am one person in the middle of a huge planet…can I really make a difference to anyone? I’ve decided that I am going to try, knowing that it won’t be easy. I will try to be open, honest, sincere, and to tell of the experiences that I know many others also must “go through” in this Earthly existence.

To begin this journey, my blog’s format will be to break up a posting into different sections which will represent distinct portions of my life experience. On some days I will have one posting with one subject and other days I will have multiple postings covering all subjects. I want to post my blog entry when I am “in” the experience and the emotions are raw and at the surface. To date, my writing has been disjointed information and experiences. I am aiming for a more cohesive, helpful and entertaining blog.

I will begin with something that I am very comfortable doing and that is making a list. This will be the division of topics of exploration and aspects of my life that will be discussed. In no special order, the essence of the format topics:

• I Want A Baby
  
• “Older” And In Love
  
• Parental Opposites
  
• Aging & Disease
  
• Rights of Passage
  
• Aspirations & Dreams
  
• Obsessive Love & OCD
  
• My Best Friend Is Gone

Let me start by telling you a little bit more about who I am…the real me.

 

I’m a natural redhead who was born with bright orange, naturally curly hair that my mother put rollers in to give me a bouffant style. If you don’t believe that, check out my profile picture. It really makes me laugh and I’m sure it will give you a chuckle as well. I used to be covered with tiny freckles that I wished would join together on one spot of my body so that I could be at least tanned in a two inch by two inch spot.

I loved and love school. I love the “smell” of school. That fresh paper smell when you open a book all the way and bury your nose in the pages. I love the “feel” of intelligence at school. The books that line the library walls filled with words of great people with fantastic life altering ideas and accomplishments. I love the “look” of school with the tidy chairs placed in an organized arrangement and huge boards full of color on every wall. School offers the hope of tomorrow and the thrill of accomplishment.

I was born into a relatively small family. I was the first grandchild to both sides of the family and the first of two children born to my parents. My mother is the first of four daughters and my father is the only child. I was not born in affluence, but I have always been blessed with food to eat and a roof over my head.

Those are just a few things about me, the Redhead Riter. I invite you to walk this path and share in the experiences of my life (my Soul Map) as I impart them to you, one day at a time…living every moment.