Yes, indeed it is…very fragile.
It’s not uncommon that I choose the path that is barely if ever walked. Although some of my actions do not surprise the people who know me, they sometimes still surprise the people who know me. That shouldn’t be shocking because my actions are often based on my emotions and well, we all know about my emotions.
I cried at work today. No one saw me, but it still happened. Even telling myself that my mascara would run if I kept crying didn’t seem to curb the tears.
The reason I cried was because of the ending.
Under the big blue sky in the beautiful sunshine of summer, birds tweet, flowers bloom and the lush green leaves on trees dance in the wind.
We all know that eventually summer will end, the leaves will turn colors which will fade into brown, and then one by one, each leaf will fall off the branch that held it so strongly throughout the warm months.
Everything on the planet has a cycle.
There is a beginning, middle and end.
It’s a fact.
You know it and I know it.
We all know it.
Yet even with this knowledge, the ending seems unexpected and at times totally tragic.
Someone died today and even worse than that, they died of cancer just like my dad.
Thoughts of my father flooded my mind initially and then there was a constant flow of faces in my mind’s eye. I felt panic and overwhelming fear at losing people I love to that “ending” we know of as death.
So I sat at work, cried, and texted people to tell them a very basic message…
“I love you.”
There’s not many letters in that message, but I could barely type them through my tears. I felt almost frantic to reach out at least one more time. Of course, everyone responded by telling me they loved me too.
One of the things my mother texted back was, “I am blessed with 72 years,” to which I replied, “72, 82, 92 years is not long enough.
Life is never long enough. I won’t ever feel like I’ve experienced enough. I’ll never be able to read all the books I want to read, visit all the places I would love to see, eat all the food I want to taste, listen to all the songs as many times as I want to hear them, or spend as much time as I want with the people I care about.
This experience of living is just too short. No matter how much I cram into each day, my life will not be long enough.
By the end of the day I was more composed and had a better grip on my emotions, so I texted my daughter again.
Me: I love you.
Alyssa: I love you so much mom!
Me: Thank you for loving me all these years and being my friend.
Leave it to children to keep it all in perspective.
Alyssa: Well duh.
Me: LOL
That’s life in a few sentences…love and laugh.
Fill every moment of this fragile life with as much love and laughter as you can possible cram in it.
{{{hugsss}}}
Well duh
…LOL!!!
{{{huggssss}}}}
LOL
Very sorry you have lost a dear friend…to the horrible cancer. I lost two brothers in the five years.to cancer, the younger one had lung cancer, and my elder brother had bowel cancer. he did nothing about it because he would be carrying a bag, and couldn’t travel overseas. So he was able to go to Thailand where he used to live, or more correctly his home base. He was a master seaman working for an oilrig servicing company. Many years ago now,of course. He also had a stepdaughter in Germany. She came over for his funeral. Her mother, and Dave’s late wife lived in Bangkok. Young Richard was in remission for a year or so, but it comes back worse and gets you quicker. But he packed a bit of life into that year and came up from Christchurch to see us in Wellington. Managed to see Dave in Christchurch. Richard died a few days after the big earthquake in Christchurch, five years ago on Feb 22 2011. You have to get as much as you can in the time left. So commiserations Rita. Regards Peter
“You have to get as much as you can in the time left.” That is SO TRUE Peter! I’m so sorry for your losses. Thank you for sharing with us today.
Ahhh, so that explains why I got that text and e-mail from you yesterday out of the clear blue saying “I love you.” I didn’t respond back because I was busy doing my taxes, (I’m meeting with my accountant today), and sometimes taxes come before love. 🙂
Now, I read your post this morning and realized that you sent that message yesterday to everyone you loved because you were feeling the fragility of life and just how short life really is. Yes, I agree with you, life is way too short.
So, I’ll make this comment short and sweet and tell you I love you too and I’m sorry I didn’t respond back yesterday. Now, please excuse me for keeping my comment short, (because knowing me, you know I can go on and on with a comment), but I have to get back to my taxes. 🙂
🙂 Yes, that is why I sent my message to you, but I only sent it to a few yesterday.
Taxes…pffft
My sympathy to you in your sadness.
Wishing you blessed memories, and peace.
Thank you so much. {{{hugsss}}}
Richmond. I thought maybe you were in the northwest – your words seemed so carefree and happy.
That is where I’m going. My happy place.
One of my sons served a 2 year mission in Richmond (2005-2007) for the church we belong to. Even though we share these United States, there is still plenty of new culture where ever we wander.
PTSD had me for 5 years before the fog finally began to subside. Slowly, oh so slowly. I can confirm the words of Rose Kennedy. In fact they are powerful reminders that I wasn’t crazy – just crazed with grief.
I don’t know who said this but it’s worth passing on, “Grief is only love that has come up against its fiercest dilemma.”
My seventeen year old son died and I found him. Lucky for me, in the last few words we spoke, I told him I loved him. Even now the battle with acceptance sometimes dissolves and I am there again. It has been nearly seventeen years.
We look for goodness and joy where ever we can find it and it is often found in helping others who struggle.