The mother and teenager daughter stood a couple feet away. As I sat on the bench watching them wait for the traffic to break so that they could walk across the street, I heard the mother say, “No! I have things to do! The world does not revolve around you!” The girl looked sad, but then there was a lull in traffic and they scurried across the road.
“The world does not revolve around you,” is what she said.
Since I have the experience of being a mother and I have been a teenage girl, I believe I can understand the message the woman was trying to convey to her daughter. I also understand how the young teenage girl felt too. The statement the mother made, however, was inaccurate because the world DOES revolve around each one of us.
As a parent to Alyssa, countless hours have been spent teaching, communicating, playing and caring for her wants, needs and desires. Part of my world revolves around her, but it still revolves around me at the same time. Doing all those things with and for Alyssa filled the aching desire I had to be a mother. I chose and still choose to spend all that time with my child – no one has forced me. Children change people’s lives and becoming a parent changed mine too. I’m happy with my choice to become a mother and I’m happy with my style of mothering Alyssa.
Even though we have to spend lots of time raising our children and caring for other people, it is vitally important to make sure that our world keeps revolving around us. Let me give you a couple personal examples.
My grandparents, Mam-Maw and Gran-Gran were married for a very long time. After my Gran-Gran suffered a stroke that left him half paralyzed and unable to speak, his health continued to decline for several years until he died. During this time, Mam-Maw’s health also took a downward spiral. I believe the thing that catapulted Mam-Maw’s poor health was her lack of the desire to live. Gran-Gran was her whole world for far too many years. She didn’t have hobbies, interests and friends because Gran-Gran was her hobby, interest and only friend. Mam-Maw’s world revolved around Gran-Gran and a few years after his death, she also passed away.
I still remember Mam-Maw’s grief-stricken face as she came up to me after Gran-Gran’s funeral. She put her tiny hands on both sides of my face, looked at me with big brown eyes and said, “Please pray that I will die in my sleep tonight. You are the only one who will do it. Everyone else wants me to just live, but without him, I don’t have a life. He is my life and my life died. Will you do that for me?”
“Yes,” I said. Then I put my arms around Mam-Maw and said, “I can’t imagine the pain you feel and I am so sorry you are hurting.” I knew she wouldn’t live long because Mam-Maw’s whole purpose of living and existing was Gran-Gran. Without a purpose and a desire to live, death usually takes the person away. Our thoughts, emotions and desires are really THAT powerful.
I have made a concerted effort to have a “self” so that when Alyssa moves away some day, I won’t be like Mam-Maw. Watching her deteriorate was a very sad and frightening thing. The mind and heart really do have a whole lot of say over the body. When the mind gives up and the heart has irreparable breaks, the body stops trying too. If your world is very small and too focused on just one person, when that person isn’t in your life any longer, you are left completely empty. That wasn’t your original intention, but it can happen so slowly that you hardly even notice.
Did you notice over the past month that I missed publishing a few posts and didn’t tweet on Twitter or holler in my community? It wasn’t really a conscious choice. I think most of the times that it happened I fell asleep at the desk. For instance, one Wednesday night I started working on the foodie post and I was really excited to share my gourmet marshmallows with you. However, I discovered that the 1940’s Census had been released and I clicked over to the government website to check it out.
An hour passed as I searched for relatives.
Another hour passed.
Before I realized it, I had spent three hours looking through the files of the 1940 Census.
Oh my! So I quickly downloaded the marshmallow photos. The reality of my time limitations didn’t really hit me even though I had 145 marshmallow photos to go through, resize some to fit my blog, post the words between the photos and write the recipe at the bottom of the post. As the night wore on, I kept working to get the post published, but eventually fell asleep at my desk sometime after saving the unfinished post at 2:23 a.m.
I must have sleepwalked to the couch and of course, I slept through my alarms. When I finally woke up, I had very little time to get ready for work which meant that I didn’t finish my post nor schedule any tweets. I felt really bad, but then I thought about it – The world DOES revolve around me. Everyone else’s world doesn’t revolve around me, but my world revolves around me. I can’t do everything all the time. Besides, I REALLY enjoyed going through the 1940 Census AND the next evening I finished the Homemade Gourmet Marshmallows With Ghirardelli Chocolate post which I’m sure made you drool with delight.
So many things have happened to me in the past few years and not once during that time did the world stop spinning. Contrary to the woman who told her teenage daughter that the world doesn’t revolve around her, it really does revolve her and you and you and you and me. It is important that we continue to nurture ourselves and expand our life to include friends, hobbies, vacations and lots of new experiences.
Expansion equals change and change is very hard for me at times. However, I’m changing and slowly expanding aspects of myself and life. I keep trying to think of it as progression and improvement because those words have a very positive sound and feel to them. So in case you were wondering, the world does revolve around me. I guess that makes me a Queen.
Queen Redhead Riter.
Okay, maybe I just took it to the extreme.
Maybe.
Yes, the world does revolve around each of us… sort of. I remember missing your post that night… & figuring you were getting much-needed sleep – while at the same time missing the chance to read your new post.
Continue nurturing yourself, & continue your growing, Queen Red! ;D
Thanks Skip!
Queen Red 🙂 LOL It is funny!
Important message: “…the world DOES revolve around each one of us.” Your stories and examples explain this so well. I love the fact that you spent time reading the census… I do things like that! When I first move to this new community, I spent time reading the statistics related to the city on their website.
LOL Stéfan! I didn’t think anyone else read city statistics! That is how I chose where I wanted to move to when I knew I was leaving Texas. I sat down and studied the state and city statistics! Yay for us!!!
Hey Red! I have to say I totally agree with you, but at the same time, that saying “makes me cringe” for some reason. I’m not saying she shouldn’t let her daughter know that she has plans for herself, but as I tell my hubby all the time, “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it”. She could have gotten her point across in a nicer way than making her daughter feel like she didn’t matter. Maybe that’s my insecurity or low self-esteem showing through, but I just hate that saying.
Love you,
PJ
PJ,
I don’t really like that saying either because it is totally untrue and somewhat rude! {{{hugssss}}}
This was a nice blog post, but your mother sees it different for her.
In my world, you four girls are the best part. I allow others to come aboard my world, but having lived this long has made me picky about who shares my world. I do things to make me happy and I only share it with those I love and who want to share my world with me. If I lost one of you, my world would be incomplete and a big chunk would be gone.
At the head of my world is Jesus and my Heavenly Father who keeps it spinning. He knows that without any of you girls, Heaven would not be Heaven for me. All I learn and the service I give dresses up my world. So remember, you girls are my sunshine and rainbows.
That’s sweet, Mom. Heaven wouldn’t be Heaven without you either.
Queen Redhead Riter — I love it! It is so — well, it is so — you! I mean, you are The Queen of Blogging! No one is a more faithful and devoted blogger than you are! If you miss one day of writing a post I am sure you feel guilty that you are letting your fans down. (Even though we never feel let down because you deliver so much content in your blog that no one would ever feel let down. There is something for everyone to read. All they have to do is click the navigation bar!)
But talking about feeling guilty, I have to confess, I am one of your many devoted readers who does not always comment. Please forgive me. I am sure that I am not alone. I know thousands of people read your blog and do not comment either but still enjoy reading it! But look on the bright side. If all your thousands of readers suddenly came out of the woodwork and started commenting on each of your posts, how could you possibly reply back to all of them and still have time to get everything done that you need to get done? (Like writing new posts for your blog and creating all those scrumptious recipes that drive our eyes and our taste buds crazy!) Never mind, I just realized that was a foolish question. Somehow you would manage to find the time to answer all your thousand of comments and still find the time to write a new post — even if it meant going without sleep!
So you see, you really are “The Queen of Blogging” and I do not think that anyone would think it was snooty if you really did change the name of your blog to “The Queen Redhead Riter” — it would be a title well deserved. I bow down to you, Queen Redhead Riter, for all the thousands of posts you have written that have entertained us, informed us, made us laugh and made us cry, as well as moved us emotionally. 🙂
P.S. If you do decide to change the title of your website to “The Queen Redhead Riter” — I know someone who can photoshop a crown on top of your head for the header! 🙂
P.S.S. The word “Queen” does have a certain flare to it — don’t you think?
P.S.S.S. Can we take a vote on this? How many people think that The Redhead Riter should change the name of her blog to “The Queen Redhead Riter”? Come on all you thousands of readers — come out of the woodwork and reply! It will drive Queen Redhead Riter crazy trying to answer all the replies! LOL
P.S.S.S.S. Queen Redhead Riter, if you are wondering why I faithfully read your blog but do not always comment, wonder no more. You are right in assuming that it took me almost two hours to write this comment. 🙂
P.S.S.S.S.S. What can I say? I am a slow writer. 🙂
P.S.S.S.S.S.S. After reading over this comment for the fifteenth time — I only read your post once, but I edited and reread my own comment fifteen times — so, obviously, the world really does revolve around me! LOL I have decided that my suggestion of changing the title of your blog to “The Queen Redhead Riter” stinks! The more I thought about it, the more it sounded to me like the title of a flamboyant drag queen. Better you stick to your title “The Redhead Riter.” However, my ego would not allow me to delete this comment because of the enormous amount of time and thought I invested into writing it! 🙂
You are such a nut Joan!
“But look on the bright side. If all your thousands of readers suddenly came out of the woodwork and started commenting on each of your posts, how could you possibly reply back to all of them and still have time to get everything done that you need to get done?”
You know, I have thought about that before…I’m sure that doesn’t surprise you a bit. If I got thousands of comments, I probably would try to still reply back to every comment for awhile. If it really got to be too much, I would reply back to the comments that made me laugh and cry. 🙂 See, I really have thought about it and have a “Plan A” and “Plan B” already in my head!
I’m not changing my blog title to add “Queen,” but I sure would like to be treated like one for a week sometime before I jump in the coffin!!! I have married male friends (more like acquaintances) who dote on their wives hand and foot. The husbands bring their wives breakfast in bed on Saturday morning, clean the house, cook, fix the car, blah, blah, blah…These men do it all and their wives do not appreciate it! I can say this stuff on my blog because the wives don’t know me. LOL I think it is very sad that these women take for granted all their husband’s efforts on their behalf. So if I could have just one week of being doted on, I would really enjoy it and be very grateful to whomever was doing the doting!!! That is what’s called, “The Life of Luxury.”
I really laughed at your last P.S. I’m glad your world revolves around you 😉
I always enjoy your blog. I don’t often comment, but I like reading it.
Thank you Sandy!!! I’m glad you enjoy it 🙂
Everyone should feel like a Queen sometime. Did you ever read “The SweetPotato Queens”? Very funny.If you are Queen can we all be Princesses?
Meg,
I’ve never read “The Sweet Potato Queens,” but if I’m a Queen, you all can DEFINITELY be Princesses!!! 😉
Right on ~ Take care of yourself and the rest will fall into place ~ Have written similar articles so I agree ~ So necessary to ‘follow your path’ ~ parallel at times and other times things change ~ Thanks, Red for reminding me ~ my Tao meditation book focused on this same topic ~ words were different but the ‘melody’ is the same ~ hugs and namaste ^_^
Thanks Carol!