There are many types of blogs and posts.
Some posts on this blog are extremely short, very funny, filled with lots of photographs, filled with wonderful memories, painful and gut-wrenching memories, emotional contemplations expressing gratitude, tutorials on cooking or blogging, different and off the beaten path kind of art, interesting places on the planet, advice, poetry and many other topics.
Regardless of the subject matter, all the posts have one thing in common.
Did your eyes dart back up to the first paragraph to see if you could find the common thread? If so, you would have to read between the lines in order to find it. Actually, the answer should be quite easy to figure out.
Everything on this blog is either about me, someone or something I care about or of interest to me.
During the past two plus years, I have shared a whole bunch of me with people I know, people I’ve started to know and people I won’t ever know at all. The journey of blogging was really just meant for my daughter, Alyssa, but it has turned into much more.
My blog will always be a place that I can share my thoughts with Alyssa and I think about that purpose every time I create a post. Questions like, “Will it help her through a difficult situation?” or “By understanding this part of me, will it bring us closer?” or even, “When I am no longer living, will it bring Alyssa comfort?” This is really an important purpose of my blog.
Another aspect of my blog is that it has become a place for me to help other people. I’m sharing recipes, tips on blogging, sharing things that are humorous and sharing a part of myself that may help others just like I hope it will for Alyssa too. That makes me feel good inside.
Last, but not least, my blog has been a place that I can talk to myself. Whether in a journal, to a dog that listens to anything or to my small child that couldn’t yet speak, I had and continue to have conversations that help me make it through rough times or just not feel alone. My blog feels like my best friend and it is very comforting to relax with the gentle clicking of the keys as I type my thoughts, hopes and dreams.
This friend, my blog, is always willing to listen no matter when or where I feel the need to communicate. During the last year and a half, my blog saved me. When my mind and heart were misunderstood by almost everyone, knowing that I could lose myself in the words on my blog each day gave me an outlet. It also kept alive a small shred of hope that the current trauma nightmare would some day end.
Writing is therapeutic.
I have gone back to read some of my posts and due to the extreme nature of my PTSD, I do not remember writing them. As I read each word, it is as if it is the first time I am seeing them and yet, they resonate with my soul. That’s a crazy feeling to know I wrote the words, but have absolutely no memory of writing the post.
I do not know how I made it to today after all that I’ve been through during the last seventeen months. According to statistics, I should be either an alcoholic, drug addict, insane or dead. I now realize that most people will never fully understand the tragic nature of all the symptoms of my trauma or the emotional upheaval it caused in every aspect of my life. That really angered me until I realized that it no longer matters that they do not understand. The important thing is that I am alive and recovering from the worst experiences of my life.
Yes, I am alive.
That is such a powerful sentence. I am alive.
Even more than just being alive, I am actually thankful to be living.
I am not going to be just “alive” any longer. I am going to “live” every single minute. There just is not that much time for any of us. In order to accept death, our human nature gives us a false sense of comfort and causes us to believe that most people will live to be old. However, more often than we care to recognize, people die long before old age.
Life is far too short to squander. This traumatic experience has taught me valuable lessons that have changed the way I feel about everything.
I’m serious. I feel differently about ab-so-lute-ly ev-er-y-thing.
Let me give you a few tips on living a better life…
One – Write your thoughts somewhere now even if you have no struggles in your life. If it becomes a habit now, it may save you or someone you care about later when hard times hit. Writing your thoughts will help you know your inner self which is priceless information.
Two – Understand that our existence is not about possessions. It is entirely about unselfish love and relationships. If you aren’t going to be there for your parent, sibling, child or friend when they drop to the depths of Hell, you completely fail the whole purpose of life. In this day of computers, cell phones, mail, email, automobiles and airplanes, there is no excuse for not reaching out in some way. Your selfishness and lack of concern makes you an undesirable person to be around.
Three – Appreciate this minute. Right now is it. You can’t change yesterday. You can’t ensure that tomorrow is going to be easy. You can live right now and know that in this minute, you can feel, love and live.
The person I was is gone forever.
I climbed my Mount Everest. Although I suffered frost bite, lost a few pieces of me, had to struggle and almost didn’t survive, the person I have become is very much alive. I am living with a renewed hope and motivation for a happy existence.
I make no excuses or apologies for being human. I am not ashamed that I fell completely apart. Actually, I am proud that I survived and now know that I am stronger than I realized.
we can react in two ways–
either by losing hope and
falling into self-destructive habits,
or by using the challenge
to find our inner strength.”
Very well said. Your tips on living a better life are perfect. In fact, as I was reading them, I sensed they had a Buddhist flavour (I find Buddhist thoughts powerful) and I was surprised, yet paradoxically not too surprised, to see the quote you ended with was one from the Dalai Lama.
I am glad you are living with a renewed hope.
I wish you a wonderful day.
Very well said. Your tips on living a better life are perfect. In fact, as I was reading them, I sensed they had a Buddhist flavour (I find Buddhist thoughts powerful) and I was surprised, yet paradoxically not too surprised, to see the quote you ended with was one from the Dalai Lama.
I am glad you are living with a renewed hope.
I wish you a wonderful day.
I am so glad your are alive! I love our friendship and value you.
This is a really thought provoking post. I agree with the tips at the end of your article.
I am not the same person I was a few years ago – I recognize it and embrace it!
I believe I see that picture every day, that is out moms window. love you
Have I ever mentioned how much I wish you were really my mom? This post was very thought provoking, especially tonight for me when I feel like I'm losing myself in all the crap that is going on around me. <3
Love this. Hardwon wisdom.
You can't imagine how timely your post is for me. I'm visiting old friends of mine in Europe and just yesterday one of them got a cerebral aneurysm and is now in coma – I just don't understand why, and why her…she's a widow with two teenage kids. I stopped praying, if God allowed it why would I expect that the same God will disallow it. This is total injustice and I don't know how to fight it or how to find comfort or strength to face it. Sorry for unloading, I just feel angry and bitter and lost. Will read your post one more time.
Loved reading yet another blog of yours, and once again, thank-you. Your words really are inspirational, but I can’t apply them to myself, not yet anyways. I think people have to value themselves first, and in fact even like who they are, before they can move on to your words of wisdom. Hopefully, I can start this process soon. Kindness is contagious, I know. But cruelty is true and utter poison. It takes longer to believe in yourself after experiencing the latter for so long. I’ll keep following your lead, though, you’ve such a kind soul. thank-you.
Thank you. I’m glad you find my words an inspiration. I’m sure you are a wonderful person especially since I just read your comment from the other post. Many people have low self-esteem, so just work at loving yourself first one day at a time. {{{hugss}}}
It is obvious that excuses paralyzes self-improvement. There is even evidence that extreme recoveries from brain damage and other severe mental disorders, unexplainable by conventional neurology, are linked to tolerant environments (references: “Mind, Brain and Education” by Kurt Fischer and Christina Hinton, “The brain that changes itself” by Norman Doidge). However, the existence of the nocebo effect (the destructive version of placebo) shows that “tolerance” on the lines of “do not blame him/her because he/she cannot help it” does not work for this purpose. It must be radical non-blaming, which means avoiding to blame without excuses so that no excuses at all have to be used. And considering the stupidity that is destroying the world, such an intellectual leap is exactly what the world needs.
“And considering the stupidity that is destroying the world, such an intellectual leap is exactly what the world needs.” 😀 Thanks Martin for your comment.
I as well SUFFER from my PTSD.. Even though I can’t come up with the words to explain what I go through, I am misunderstood by everyone, and I mean EVERYONE.. The turmoil that puts me through is insane and makes things worse.. It’s been 15 years since I was left for dead in a robbery at work and to this day, I am not open about it!!! I don’t want to be seen as an attention seeking person who wants a pitty party!! When I do take the time to explain, nobody understands.. I think they see me as a weak person who chooses to not get over the situation.. It took me 7 years to get in and receive help…Then again, while at work one day (9)years later… My job was vandalized and my name was smushed by harassment and I was put out of work permanently, due to not being safe from my attacker on the job..(whom I didn’t even know. I could write pages on what this puts me through.. but i will stop here.. I wanted to thank you for your page. I Loved it!! I am alive but I am not living.. I stay isolated in my home with my children where i feel safe.. I think it’s time i open up and if people can’t accept me then I shouldn’t care.. At this point, trying to have close relationships feel pointless and causes me stress.. I miss the old me but I accept the new me. When my triggers hit me, I am gone…I really can’t find the words to make them understand… It’s literally exhausting.. Sadly as it is, I am one of the most patient people i know, I am compassionate, loyal and honest.. But, I don’t see that in others.. I feel someone always has an agenda.. I often write things i don’t remember when I am in full swing…. I say i am only violent to myself. I myself have never turned to alcohol, drugs or suicide.. But i hear myself say often of how i just wish i could throw in the towel because i am empty… Somehow, I put my daughters above all my problems and I am so thankful for that… God Bless…. I would love to conversate with you, It would be nice to talk to someone who gets it :0)
I’m so sorry that you suffer with PTSD too. Don’t give up and throw in the towel even though it sounds like such a great solution sometimes. It feels like nobody understands, but there are people like me who know how it feels to be in a dark abyss in our head. My memory stinks too. It really drives me crazy. Are you going to a therapist now?
Maybe you could have the people you want to understand you read this post: 14 Reasons That You Should Read This Post About PTSD Now
I would be happy to talk to you anytime, Jennifer. Send me an email and we can exchange information.
{{{hugsssss}}}}
I get it.been in dark hell for some time now.i like you considered throwing the towel in.but the horrible legacy of that for my kids and wife would be deplorable.im. back on a med and i feel alittle better although its only been a week. Although my prayer life has suffered I know God is still there. I will definitely pray for you. Please forge on.peace