Will Strip For Mango

After arriving home from work, I quickly unlocked the door and stepped into my home to escape the heat this afternoon. Without hesitation, I ripped off my clothes until I stood naked in the middle of the kitchen. My blood sugar was low and I needed to cool off, so I carefully peeled a lusciously ripe mango. The cold, wet fruit helped me to forget about how much I detest the summer’s heat.

Almost.

After completely removing the peel, I flipped each one over to scrape the tender mango with my teeth. The sweetness of this exotic fruit helped me to stop shaking. I know better than to miss my afternoon snack, but today everyone was so grouchy that I was consumed in fixing problems and trying to stay positive.

Slicing off a chunk of the delectable fruit, I thought about how much I love the way my polished red nails look against the bright orange of the mango flesh.

Not one to dawdle over my food, I took a bite. The succulent juice threatened to drip down my chin, but I wasn’t going to let one drop be wasted.

So I took another bite.

Slurp.

Bella apparently believed that I would have one of my normal catastrophes as she stood motionless staring at the floor around my feet.

“Sorry puppy,” I said brightly as I took another bite of the perfectly ripened mango, “I’m not going to drop anything on the floor.”

Slurp.

The air conditioner was blowing a huge burst of cold air into the kitchen, but I was still very hot. People think that not being able to sweat would be a lovely problem, but when it gets hot, not sweating is sometimes a nightmare. My body just keeps all the heat stored inside and it is tough not to overheat.

Bite.

Slurp.

Closing my eyes, I enjoyed the swoosh of cold air, the sweet fleshy mango in my mouth and a sense of relief to finally be home.

There are definitely advantages to getting home first – like being able to stand naked in the kitchen while eating a cold, ripe mango…slowly as the cold air whirls around me.

Bite.

Slurp.

If Alyssa was to unexpectedly come home and find me naked in the kitchen eating the last mango, I know exactly what she would say…

“Gross Mom! Put on some clothes!”

Bite.

Slurp.

Poor child.

Some day she will go through menopause and the word “hot” will take on a whole new meaning. There is no heat like the wrath of menopause on a rampage during summer.

Bella whined realizing that I surely must be getting close to the end of the succulent mango. She was right. I was starting to see the whiteness of the large mango seed.

Bite.

Slurp.

How can one piece of fruit, cold air and nakedness feel so exhilarating?

I love the air conditioner.

I wonder who invented the air conditioner. I don’t think I’ve ever had that as a fact on my daily tweets. I should look it up and do a day of air conditioner tweets.

Bite.

Scrape.

Slurp.

I hated to see the orange flesh of the mango disappear. It had to be the juiciest mango I’ve ever eaten. Something positive can definitely be said about very ripe fruit on sale. It is truly the best of both circumstances – discounts that save money and perfectly ripened mangoes.

The mango flesh was gone, so I picked up the plate and drank the juice that had accumulated from the dripping. I thought about all the times my mother told me that “Ladies do not lick the plate or slurp.” I’m sure she probably said they don’t stand naked in the kitchen either.

Boy did I break those rules today.

I threw what was left of the skins into the trash, rinsed my knife and plate, put it in the dishwasher and then just stood in the middle of the kitchen. Bella started barking at me, but it was probably because I didn’t give her a mango, not because I was naked.

Men just can not understand this overheated, summer menopause thing. It really is best to be naked when it’s hot. I am sure they would not mind us all being naked more often, but the hormonal heat….yeah, they are clueless.

I wish I had another mango.

Maybe if I put a sign in my window, “Will strip for mango,” a neighbor might bring me one.

Well, on second thought, maybe not.