UPDATE: If you want to take this post negatively, that’s your right. However, as I stated in the post, I haven’t posted this to judge anyone, but I am baffled by the “me” and “right now” generation. After reading the title, you should realize that there was a question mark at the end. Question marks usually mean that the speaker doesn’t know the answer. With that said, I do not have the attitude that I am better than you AND my daughter is 20 years old, so I don’t stay home with her. On top of that, I work outside the home AND have a business, so I am very busy. HOWEVER, NOTHING has been as rewarding as being WITH my daughter. So if you are home and hate it, my post made a SUGGESTION for you to delve INTO YOURSELF and discover why you are bored and I tried to have you see the experience from a different angle. Life is an adventure and if you don’t make the most of every opportunity, unfortunately you will soon discover that you missed out on a whole bunch of joy. So if you still want to read the post and take it negatively, then you are missing the WHOLE point of the post. Yes, you are missing the whole point of the post.
See here for an update (May 2015) on Bored Mothers: https://theredheadriter.com//2015/05/being-a-selfish-mother-and-disrespectful-blog-commenter/
A woman’s home is her castle and domain. She usually cleans, cooks, decorates, rearranges, repairs, works, plays and relaxes within the walls of her home. Sometimes women choose to stay home to raise their children instead of working outside of the home. I was one of those women.
After finally getting pregnant, surviving the pregnancy and birth, I found my home to be a haven. For a long time I was healing physically, emotionally and mentally. My body had been to Hell and back during the nine months I carried my daughter only to have even more trauma during her birth. Being able to take naps, putter and relax was just what my weakened body needed. Plus, nursing was a breeze because I was unhurried and very comfortable. Staying home definitely healed my broken body.
Watching other families grow one child after the next was a nightmare when I didn’t think I would ever be able to have my own child. People unintentionally and sometimes intentionally said the most unkind and thoughtless things to me. After having Alyssa, I was able to let my heart heal from the wounds. I basked in the love of my child and enjoyed the emotional high from my motherhood. I watched and marveled at every nuance of her body and personality. Nothing was more exciting or fulfilling than times spent with my child.
Mentally I remained challenged with new opportunities every day. I learned to be an immaculate and extremely organized homemaker. Everything ran like clockwork. By 9:00 in the morning, the house was clean – beds made, bathrooms cleaned, house vacuumed, baseboards washed, windows cleaned, laundry going. I enjoyed all the tasks that made my home sparkle and shine, but finished them quickly so that I could dedicate most of the day to my daughter. Between nursing, naps and staring at her, I thought of ways to improve my home and self. Even with all the chores, every day was filled with so much fun!
I was never bored.
I have a hard time understanding how a woman feels unfulfilled when she stays home with the little lives she has brought into the world. Isn’t there joy and a sense of accomplishment at raising loving, kind and intelligent children? Unless home schooled, children eventually go to school outside the home and leave a mother all alone to become engaged in any adult activity that she sees fit. There are so many opportunities for a mother to enlighten her children to the world. Being a stay-at-home-mother is an active role. She needs to teach her children and learn their personality and needs. That is not an easy task nor can it be accomplished while engrossed in chatting on the phone all day, watching television all day or any other activity that completely draws all her attention away from the child ALL DAY.
Women who find staying at home boring need to go look in the mirror. Your home is as exciting as you make it and that requires effort. Motherhood is the most important job you will ever have – you are shaping the life of another human being. Everything you invest into the child is soaked up like a sponge and never forgotten. That sponge can be filled with good, bad or indifference, but the mother who is at home, day after day, hour after hour and minute after minute has a huge influence on what gets soaked up.
Being bored is simply an attitude. Life, motherhood and staying at home is just what a woman makes of it. If she is bored, it is time to expand the horizons and try something new. Not only will you stop being bored, but you will be a better person and mother to the child/children that watch your every move. Your actions are indelibly imprinted in their minds and not a thing you say goes unheard. Mothering is an art that requires time to practice and perfect just like playing a musical instrument.
I haven’t posted this to judge anyone, but I am baffled by the “me” and “right now” generation. Take the time to develop and hone your skills as a homemaker and mother. Yes, motherhood does require skills if you want to excel at it if you want to really be a great mother. If you were trying to get a raise at a job outside the home, would you prop your feet up on the desk and turn on the soap operas? I doubt it.
One other thing...I want to say something to the woman with the four year old child in the grocery store tonight. Not only did I hear what you were saying to someone on your cellphone, but so did your four year old child. How do you think you made your innocent child feel when she heard you say, “I stay home all day long with a boring four year old who says ‘Mommy, Mommy, Mommy’ until I want to jump off a tall building. I would be so happy if I could afford to dump her in a daycare.”
Yeah, sorry to say, but at that moment, I wished you HAD jumped off a tall building.
What a wonderful post, I so agree , impossible to get bored if you're trying to do it right…. I have been a stay at home mom too.. well I am still home , but trying to work from home now, that after I tried to work away from home. Well the working hours here in Turkey are terrible… I felt I had no time for my children anymore… I am alone with my children at the moment… and finding it very hard.. I have a constant battle with myself about working somewhere again, just so we would have a more money.. but I have a hard time letting them like almost totally free and that is what happens when I am not here, no control.. being a mother is the nicest but hardest thing ever.. to me…
The blue cotton definition of bored is, "too dumb to make it interesting" – bore is a "4 letter word" in our house:)
I am so totally impressed that your house AND floorboards were clean by 9 a.m. You have THE gift! My guy dreams of a wife like that! LOL!
That poor little girl! I'd take her! She could say, "Mommy. Mommy. Mommy" to me all day long!
Some moms are naturals and others have to work at it because staying at home with a little person 24.7 is not always easy. Especially if (like me) you were a hard-charging professional and heavily active in community before you elected to stay home with your child. It's like time stands still, like the world is leaving you behind.
Some women are natural homemakers…I am not one of them. I get great joy from taking caring for my child, playing with her and teaching her all sorts of things… but the idea of cooking and cleaning every day leaves me in tears. I have accepted that I am not Betty Crocker or her equally fabulous sister June Cleaver.
I don't for one second regret staying home. It's a blessing I will treasure forever, but I do get antsy sometimes. I think when SAHMs say they are bored, they really mean unhappy. They need to figure out what will make them happy.
I think the best thing for a child is a happy mommy. whether that is at home, at work, or a combo of both.
To each mother, her own.
Exactly my experience and thoughts! I tried to be a SAHM and while I do think there are significant trade offs to either choice, for me, being home made me very unhappy. I’m going back to work with lots of fears about how my daughters will adjust to someone new caring for them. Both my girls have thrived under my care and I can’t take all the credit (but I will take some/most) for who they are, since I know that me being home has given them a lot.
I even worked part time for about 1 year (8-12 hrs/week) and it was just not enough to make me happy. For me, the mental stimulation is just not there and it’s too important to me to just give it up.
By working, I’m also modeling what I hope will be a successful professionally accomplished woman for them to look up to. Wish me luck!
What a beautiful, heartfelt post. I love being a stay at home mom by choice and being a learning coach and mentor to all 3 of my children. I gave up a lot and did what I had to do to make staying at home a possibility for our family and it was and is so worth it. I wouldn't change it for the world.
Oh my goodness. I can't tell you how many times I've felt the exact same thing and could never articulate my feelings. Especially when I had a bunch of very career oriented women insist that they were doing a lot more. Of course they were and I do respect them for juggling so much. But my priorities were different. I ran my household very differently. M little family was happiest when I was home and life was very smooth.
There can never be a shortage of things to do. One just has to want to jump into their home life just like one longs to jump into a career. The way I see it, it is a career with flexible timings!
I've been in both shoes: a SAHM & working mom. Being home drove me insane because that was the only thing I did – stay home. I loved being with my children, but cleaning house did not bring me joy.
I find myself unemployed right now and find myself in the same boat. My kids are at school while I'm at home cleaning (yuck) but as soon as they're home, it is so much better.
So while their arguing may drive me insane, saying so will only make me feel better for a couple seconds, and what does that teach my kiddos?
Great post, by the way. So glad you are enjoying your time with your daughter. It goes by too fast!
Sorry to hear that staying home is not working for you, make use of this time to do a part time course,or join the local gym,get sexier,i am sure you are already sexy.use this time to connect with the devine in you,meditate..do volunteer work, theres allot to be done
i have never had the opportunity to be a full time at home mom…but once i became a nurse with a real flexible schedule…sometimes it seemed like i was a full time at home mom. i have loved every moment home and being able to torture my son with me being a doting mom that is around. i will actually miss this as he is leaving in august for college. remember the blessings of kids as one day they leave.
Thanks Rockin' Red. I worked most of the time my children were growing up and wish I had had the time to stay at home with them. Some women should have not been mothers, simple as that.
The health department use to give out free condoms, if you don't want kids then go by and pick some up and use them.
One day that mom in the grocery store will be old and the child just might tell her that instead of caring for her, she will just dump her in a nursing home. I am so thankful I had a good mother.
Great topic!
I do think that some SAHM lose themselves in motherhood. I love my girls more than anything in this world, and I have never regretted staying at home with them for the last ten years. I have been extremely hands on in every way. Love it! But, the last couple of years I have felt a pull to do more. Not out of boredom, but because it was not enough for me to clean, cook, decorate, rearrange, repair, play, and relax. When I looked in the mirror, I realized I let part of my sparkle slip away by putting everyones needs in front of mine constantly. That’s not healthy for anyone.
I went back to graduate school in the evenings for Editing and started writing two blogs: Secrets of Moms & Plus-Size Models Unite. I wrote an article for Redbook magazine and other websites. I felt my confidence soar. Now, I’ve been asked to go teach a social media class at the UW and my girls and husband are proud of me. You know what, I’m proud of myself too because I had been so wrapped up in only home and family that I had left my own intellectual and creative pursuits to the wayside. A little bit of “Me” time is healthy and sets a good example for our kids. Sparks are flying in my brain. I feel like I have even more to offer the girls than I did before. We are all such unique individuals, and we should respect and foster our own personal growth as well as our kids.
Having said all that, if a mom is sitting at home ignoring her kids all day—well, that’s just horrid!
How Can A Stay-At-Home Mother Be Bored?
Well I am a bored stay at home mum;
This week is the same as next week and the week after that and the week after that!
My partner works abroad most of the week and we live in an area where I am still making new friends. I have no family and well my life consists of waking up at 6am making breakfast, my 2 year old has to be locked into the shower room with me every morning as he breaks everything. he sleeps at 11 am for 1.5 hours and the awakes for dinner. On Tuesdays and Thursday afternoons he goes to play school and at 3 pm I pick him up and give him a snack (are you bored yet? )……..we play in the afternoons and then at 7am he goes to bed. we don’t have a TV (partner is against) and everyone I have met here is a mum so i cant invite anyone around on a social as they will be dealing with their families. So I’m bored …im not bored with my gorgeous son, he is amazing and so funny. I am bored with routine, I am bored with my lack of ability to improve my circumstances.
I hate the fact I can tell you what I’m doing next week by the hour, i hate the fact I cant change any of it so that I small piece of it is about me and maybe even have some time to work (I am educated to degree level) but we have one car and he takes that to work. So every week I am left in this small village doing my routine and loving my son.
I am bored!
Louise,
I know all about the routines, but there are so many other things you can fill your day with – other interests like:
If you have hobbies, it will make the day fly by! If you don’t know how to do something and want to learn, there are so many ways to learn. You can even take courses online or learn how to do things through YouTube or blogs online too. You can make the day not so routine, but it will take imagination and effort.
I would stay home every day in a heartbeat. I envy you!!!! However, before you know it, your son will be grown and you will have all the time in the world to go and do whatever you want to do. You’ll miss the routine and all that time you have on your hands now.
“cooking
reading
writing
crafts
sewing
crocheting
quilting”
Are you kidding? this isnt the 1930’s!
Yes educating your child at home and arts and crafts will entertain both you and your child, and try being creative. look for things online that use things you might already have at home or go to a dollar store and buy some crafts to do with your child. But when it comes to “me” time the last thing i want to do that will excite me will be crocheting!?? or Quilting! Sorry. I can just see some poor sad stay at home mom reading that advice and feeling even worse.
No one wants to stay at home and clean all day long and clean base boards. Yes after we have done all the things that are children need from us we are left feeling accomplished. But we are still individuals at the end of the day that wouldnt mind having a small part of the day to be for just us. something we look forward to doing. I read all the time after kids go to bed or surf the web.
I have a hobby as well that after the kids are in school full time i will turn into a career. but 5 years is a long time.
I am using my spare time perfecting my hobby till then. Find something you love research and research things online and see if its something you would love to do and try it out you have lots of time for trial and error. lots of courses online! good luck to you all! 🙂
1930s? Some people like those hobbies and have great skill at them. What is your hobby? Do tell me so that I can be as critical about your hobby as you are about mine.
That sounded harsh didn’t it? Well, so did you. I can’t list every hobby, so I listed a few of my own. I’m not trying to make everyone a clone. I’m only giving suggestions.
There are many things I like to do and I even enjoy crocheting during my ME time, but that’s what makes ME unique.
By the way, 5 years goes by really fast and I mean really, really fast.
I come from a similar background, two year old, moved to a new place with no family around and stuck trying to make new friends (and it’s been really hard since I either don’t feel like connecting or I think we do and the person doesn’t call back).
I have plenty of hobbies as I am into art (painting, drawing, reading writing) and learning, but gosh! I don’t get that accomplished feeling at the end of the day when I manage to clean part of the house. I feel like “at least my husband won’t complain about it.”. My son is great, but also too much sometimes (we call him the evil dwarf).
I can’t drive just yet, as I’m still learning how to drive (come from a city with awesome public services) so I’m an “at home all day” stay-at-home mom.
My neighbors are nice, but we don’t seem to ever get to the “meaningful conversation” part. I think what most of us need, because we are also individuals with needs that cannot always be fulfilled by motherhood and a clean house (in my opinion the house can be clean or piggy for all I care on lots of days, I’ve lived with terrible roommates in the past, so it can never be as bad.), that was long; so what we need is a good time with good company. We need to connect with people and no, internet doesn’t count. This is all illusions and will never replace being with a real human being, live, in the same room, at the same time and laughing.
While your kid may be an angel, the house is so clean you’d eat off the floor and you’re done with doing one of your hobbies, what happens to your need to connect to people? Frankly, I’m using my husband as a replacement too much for both our sanity. I keep him awake at night talking about all the stuff I need to get off my chest (and that’s generally not ranting or related to parenthood). I need to talk about politics, have debates on things that matter. Let my geek out (and frankly I wouldn’t mind getting my behinds whooped at SoulCalibur if anyone would dare to challenge me.). I want to know there are women out there that don’t just talk about motherhood and who does their nail (seriously, I can barely stay awake when this happens). I have a strong personality and likes to share and hear opinions on just about anything that isn’t about looks, celebrities and other gossip-like drama.
And that, I believe is what is making lots of women bored at home. They want the adult part of their life to be fulfilled (the one that’s not related to having kids). We are not born to just be mothers (or else, men would be born to just spread their seeds and we don’t want that of our faithful significant other). We are born to be as successful, extraordinary, influential and social as any man out there.
Sometimes a castle can feel like a pretty cage. We don’t want to be that princess stuck in the highest tower. Sometimes, we just want to sneak out and join the other locals and pretend we don’t have kids so they will not mind us joining in.
My plan is to start my own business as soon as the kids can all go to daycare (they ask for a minimum age where I am). And I know I couldn’t wait 5 more years so that all the kids are in school. It may feel like it’s fast to some, to others… not so much. Not when you feel like you could do something (I’m waiting for the tar and feathers) more meaningful. Lots of parents are not staying at home and the kids seem okay with it. My oldest is 2 (second isn’t born yet) and he has no friends or playdates (I’m his playdate and thank goodness I’m just like a kid with my crazy imagination), so putting him in a regular daycare would definitely be good for everyone (he’d get much more space to run around and get tired and he’d have friends to play and connect with). So what’s wrong with not wanting to wait 5 years?
Not everyone gets to have the full experience of motherhood, with friends around, and nice family gatherings (not to mention the breaks you would get when grandma agrees to take the kids for a day or two)…
I don’t know about most moms, but my toddler takes a lot of energy out of me as well which leaves me too tired to even read on some days and then, it’s already time to hit the sack and I feel frustrated. Because I didn’t feel like today fulfilled me. My son is in bed, hopefully he didn’t break anything, made much of a mess, or fuss, or be completely evil and do everything he knows he’s not supposed to do… But that’s generally one or more of these items. He’s learning the alphabet fast, while I’m proud of him (and me for teaching him), I still feel like something is missing: an adult to bond with.
So in a nutshell (ah! I’m being funny! I just love to write…), being at home CAN be boring. Sometimes, it is our own doing, but sometimes, circumstances make it pretty hard too. Making new friends is so damn hard!
I think perhaps the article and the response concerning crochet etc weren’t very clear. I also felt that if these things don’t interest you then you’re not a good mum or woman. Perhaps you should be a bit clearer to avoid confusion as I’m sure you’re not a judgemental person. I think people get very defensive when it comes to their way of being a mother and what we should be doing is supporting each other in making ourselves happy as happy mums are what our kids need most.
I like this post, however I feel like it is from only one view. I love my 5 month old more than anything in this world, but I am home all day with her and sometimes even go to bed with her before my husband gets home. He often works 12 hour days and only gets Sunday off. We have only one car and he is using it, and we do not live within walking distance of public transportation or any parks. Sometimes I just simply run out of ways to entertain my daughter – I can tell even she gets bored and wants and needs to see more of the world outside of our home and our street with the same houses that we see every day on our walks. I disagree with some of your post.. how can your home be as exciting as you make it if you do not have any extra money to even do crafts? Not to mention my daughter has been the kind of baby who naps for only 20 minutes a few times a day and after that I must hold her or constantly have my attention on her or she will cry. I do not let her cry. I don’t have ANY “me” time and I think that is unhealthy for any adult. I can only sing itsy bitsy spider, patty cake, and I’m a little teacup so many times every day. She can’t use her walker, she hates her bouncer, and I don’t like putting her in these anyway unless I really must do something like go to the bathroom or I feel like I’m ignoring her. I find it hard to believe that you never got bored. I would probably like to try crafts sometime, but I simply do not have time. I can’t even finish cooking a meal before my beautiful girl starts crying, and crying hard, because I am not holding her. I clean every day when I can get a few minutes in, however, cleaning does not make me happy.. it must be done but there are so many other things I would love to do with my daughter than to have her watch me scrubbing floors. Just my two cents.
Haley,
It sounds like you are a wonderful mother and love your daughter very much. I understand that you are somewhat strapped to your home with a limited income, however, there are so many things you can do that are free.
Do you have friends who have small children? If so, you could have a play date with your daughter and the other babies.
Is your extended family close? Maybe they could watch your daughter while you have a little “me” time.
Do you live close enough to walk to the library or a friend that could take you to the library? We spent countless hours in the library.
From your comment, I think that your daughter is very young. It won’t be long before she will interested and able to do more things which will make it easier to be away from home while still caring for her. Honestly, I was never bored then and I don’t ever get bored now. Life is so exciting to me and I wanted to show Alyssa everything I possibly could while we were together. I used to sit and play with her all day long…all day long. When I made dinner, she was right there in the kitchen and I talked to her the whole time. She watched me intently with everything I did – cooking, cleaning, ironing, washing and everything else that it takes to keep a home neat and tidy.
By the way, I didn’t let my daughter cry either.
Thank you for your two cents!!! 🙂
Although I feel this was beautifully written and seems heart-driven, I can’t imagine someone feeling this way to this degree unless they have outside help and have never been truly tied down and trapped by motherhood. I have three children and love them VERY much. (We also lost two late in pregnancy) It is beyond me why a person would make others feel like they just are not doing enough to make their home a pleasant place. Some women have NO help at all, which they did not anticipate. And I don’t mean no help most of the time, I mean have never once had help. Unless you do a job that is truly 24/7 for years straight, I’m just not sure you can understand. Of course I have lots enough to do and keep a very happy, healthy, and clean home but I’m sick and tired of doing it without any leave. I cant help but be very jealous and not even in a good way lol that you are so happy doing this. I get so frustrated when I hear parents say they miss their kids cause they are at school, gone for the day with Dad, or gone for a time with family members. My son started kindergarten this week and while all the other parents were crying, I couldnt wait to leave him there so I would only have two to deal with. I didnt miss him at all and was so relieved that these years are finally upon us. I was also very happy for him, I loved school. 🙂 I wish there was more of an ear out there for women who don’t see rainbows and unicorns when they open their eyes. Any other mothers I know have support and STILL complain and yet have no clue what I go through day in and day out. A little less judgement would be so very welcome. Also I liked that you are making suggestions for hobbies but COME ON! No help means no time for these things otherwise, more mothers would do it. I cant believe YOU have time to read, crochet or anything other than clean, cook and raise the kids…or maybe your kids are older or gone?
Very beautiful article though and exactly how I THOUGHT motherhood would be.
Carol,
Thank you for your comment and sharing how you really feel. Seriously, people don’t always say what they feel and just say what they think will make them look good. Obviously, you and I are not in that group. 😉
I have one daughter who is now 19 years old. In order to get pregnant, I had to quit working outside of the home. At the time, my sister and niece lived with me and Brittany was 4 years old. I practically raised her and they lived with me until she was 12 and we all moved to Virginia. I started a very lucrative home business when Alyssa was a 1 year old, so I worked.
I wanted to be a mother from age four and wanted it more than anything. I still feel that becoming a mother is the greatest thing I will ever have done with my life. I didn’t have outside help and even became a single mother, in a different state, with a job outside the home when Alyssa was 7 years old. I’ve worked since I was 14 years old, so I know how hard it is to juggle everything while being gone for so many hours a week.
I know that a lot of women feel like you do, but in order to have time for yourself, it is imperative that your home is 100% organized. You can’t do it all at one time, but a couple hours a day will get it to the point where upkeep is much easier. I taught Alyssa and Brittany how to do everything I did during the day. When I cooked, they almost always cooked with me. If they were not actually helping, they were playing within view. I kept them occupied with doing things like making name settings for the table, setting the table, looking through the cookbooks for a new recipe they wanted to try the next day or a dessert they wanted to help me make after dinner. I talked to them constantly because they were little adults-in-the-making and I wanted to keep their minds actively engaged. Oh my goodness how I miss those days!!!! They needed me! LOL It is such a wonderful feeling to be needed and loved 100% unconditionally!!! There’s just nothing like a child’s love.
Women are very hard on each other. I truly didn’t want to come across judgmental in this post, so I am sincerely sorry if you felt that way. I know that it is EASY to get stuck in a rut, so I wanted to in a way, to remind mothers how important their motherhood is and what a huge impact they have on the world. Women who have children are not “just mothers.” Women who have children are “MOTHERS!!!!” I am passionate about motherhood!!! I am now at the point in my motherhood that I can see my motherly efforts have made a difference. It is an overwhelming, humbling experience to see my daughter now…She is a productive, hard working, intelligent, well rounded, compassionate, loving, sensitive, ambitious, brave, organized and beautiful young woman. I could say more. 😉
I honestly had a home as clean as the pictures on the front of the Better Homes and Garden magazine. I don’t tell you that to brag, but to give you hope that it is possible to be THAT organized and have LOTS of time to do things with your children and do things for yourself. During those days, I would get up with my husband in the morning, wake Brittany for school, help her get ready, cook their breakfast, made their lunches, bathed Alyssa and then when my husband left, I drove Brittany to school. When I got home, I cleaned the house. I didn’t have to clean the baseboards and wash the windows EVERY day! 😛 We don’t wear shoes in the house, so it really didn’t get “dirty,” so upkeep was easy. When Alyssa took a nap, I did too. We both woke up refreshed! In the afternoons when I picked up Brittany from school, we would do her homework and then we all played for awhile. Then it was time to make dinner again, bathe and spend time together again in the evening.
I admit, I’m a different kind of mother. I would jump on my king size bed with the girls, stand on the couch with fake microphones and sing at the top of my lungs (I’m a terrible singer, but they loved it), turn my living room into a Barbie city and spend a week playing Barbies with them, coloring in every coloring book imaginable for hours, helping them make Christmas presents for everyone, sewing for them, and the list just goes on and on. If I could have done it, I would have loved to be the mother to 12 children! I can’t imagine all the love!!!! So, as you can tell, I think motherhood is the most EXCITING experience I’ve ever had and if I could be transported back to changing diapers, nursing and all that stuff again, I would do it in a heartbeat. Those were surely the happiest days of my life.
Well, my response to you is probably longer than my post, but since this is an older post it probably doesn’t get visited that much. LOL I seriously could talk about my motherhood all day. I hope that you find the time for yourself, your children, your husband and your house that I was able to enjoy. I have a million tips of how to do things faster and still efficiently if you really want me to share them. Look at your lovely children and remind yourself, YOU are the most important person in their life and in their eyes, you are the most wonderful person in the world. Doesn’t that make you feel super special? Enjoy it now because it changes FAST and you will be back to a house without fingerprints on the wall before you know it. {{{{SUPER BIG HUGSSSSS}}}} from one wonderfully blessed mother to another!
LOVE your response. Your clearly a very positive person and I bet people have loved your company your entire life. Your enthusiasm is definitely contagious and today I needed this. Thank you. Just this afternoon I was texting my husband to let him know that the money he makes isn’t worth the time it takes. Being alone across the country from anyone I know and separated most of the year from my husband has worn me down and your right, I need to make some changes. Not in my home cause not to brag but we keep the same kind of house lol but in my own life. Thanks for responding…much love and respect!!
I’m so glad that you liked the response and I hope it brought you comfort. I was my pleasure to write it for you. I’m so glad you connected with your husband and told him what you need. Communication is so vital in a relationship.
So your house is spiffy clean? LOL It would probably be easier to fix if you had a dirty house and an organized life than vice versa. LOL Hang in there, keep talking to your husband, and don’t give up. I’m sure you can do this!
Some of us simply need more mental stimulation than a ‘conversation’ with a two year old can provide. It’s lovely that you have enjoyed your time at home but please don’t preach the virtues of your life to all mothers, because we definely are not all the same and it is not the 1950s still, we have choices, thank goodness. I am managing to combine mothering with pursuing a part time home study degree in biochemistry, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I have never seen mothering as a full time job – it is just one role amongst many that a woman may have. To define yourself by one role in this way seems to me to be limiting and not good for you or your child, in my opinion. To be a good role model for your child, it is far better to be a fully rounded person with her own interests and ambitions, I believe, rather than to limit your existence to your child and his/her needs. The fetishisation of motherhood leaves many women guilty and wondering what is up with them if they don’t feel the way that society expects them to about motherhood and their offspring.
Belinda,
I think you misread my post. First of all, I did not live in the 1950s and the life I had with my daughter was much broader than what I able to fit into a post. Everything you said was your opinion, but the moment you shoved in “don’t preach the virtues of your life to all mothers” you immediately came across as being close-minded and a bit arrogant. Maybe you aren’t either of those things, but the whole purpose of my post was to open the eyes of women by sharing my own experience. I thoroughly enjoyed being a mother to a young child and I did many, many things for myself back then too. I believe women should definitely be educated and applaud you for your efforts. I was and still am an attentive mother, but I’m also an attentive daughter, friend, employee, employer, etc. That is my personality. I’m totally hands on and in the middle of the experience so that I can enjoy every nuance while creating wonderful memories.
So my point is that it is possible to retain a “me” while being an excellent “mother” and “wife”. It takes organization and one must have the desire to dedicate the time into each segment of life to make it exciting and fulfilling. If you were offended by my post, please reread it and look at it with less critical eyes so that you can understand it as it was meant to be written. I specifically stated, “I haven’t posted this to judge anyone, but I am baffled by the “me” and “right now” generation,” and I AM BAFFLED. I was so happy and many women feel the responsibilities of being a mother are drudgery! In order to be a well rounded person, a woman has to learn balance between all her responsibilities and obligations. My judging didn’t really come until the end of the post when I expressed my anger at a woman who DEFINITELY was a mother out of control who is doing great damage to her child’s self-esteem by saying those words within earshot of the child.
Finally, women who don’t want to have children really shouldn’t have children. Unfortunately, it happens all the time. Not only does it make the woman unhappy, it also makes the children unhappy. Definitely a lose/lose for everyone involved. Raising children is work and lots of it.
YES! What Belinda said! This is a demanding job in many ways, but not intellectually. Someone with a cultivated mind is naturally going to get restless. At that point it becomes a matter of character as to how you deal with the challenge of being bored/sad/etc, which I *think* is what you were trying to say, albeit indirectly.
What I’m reading from your original post in a nutshell is: “Motherhood is awesome & you can make it fun & fulfilling if you choose to, so pull up your bootstraps Ladies. If you’ re bored, do something. Balance yourself so you can enjoy this because motherhood can be amazing if you let it. ” That’s not a bad sentiment, and I have to agree with that (mostly), but I’m going have to call you out on your “no judgement intended” disclaimer. The reason you are getting so many critical replies, (which you are then negating by saying that your “defensive” reader “misread” you) is that judgement is inherent to your question/perspective. It’s the equivalent of saying “Im not racist, but…” Maybe you should just “own” your stance that women should cherish their children and their station and not whine about it and likewise accept that some readers are going to take issue with your opinion.
“Motherhood is awesome & you can make it fun & fulfilling if you choose to, so pull up your bootstraps Ladies. If you’re bored, do something. Balance yourself so you can enjoy this because motherhood can be amazing if you let it.”
Yep!
And before you know it, your little children are going to be completely grown. 🙂
Thanks for your comment!
Stumbling quite accidentally onto to your blog, has been life altering for me… Wow, I’m actually crying. Thank you for being the strength, courage and voice I knew I never had. I too, have been a stay at home mom for many years. I love my children so incredibly much, They are in every fibre of my being, and I adore them tremendously. Motherhood is awesome, and I sincerely relate to everything you talked about. Mother’s have such a huge impact on the lives of their children, my mother loathed me, and trust me, that you never forget. Through the years of abuse, I vowed I would never repeat this horrible cycle. Thank goodness, I never have. So my dear, my hats off to you, in saying what I never could, or maybe I thought no one would ever care about. The things we say to, and in front of, our children most definitely stay with them, both positive and negative. We get one shot at this ladies, lets help each other get it right.
Sharon,
Thank you very much. I’m glad that this post resonated with you. {{{hugsss}}}
I found it sad how you consider that EVERY women should be like you!…. What about a little consideration for others! May be not the one you saw in the shop that day, but there are mums that have issues with stay at home activities.
I have studied all my life to have a great and fulfilled career… I loved my job and I was great at it! But I wanted to have a family and I wanted my kids to see me and be able to count on me every day. So I quit my job, got married and had 2 beautiful boys. Although they are the best, both have a massive sleeping issues, so no naps for me a full nights of sleep. It’sbeen 4 years and I am tired.
I hate cleaning and tidying up, and although it needs to be done, I have work extremely hard to make sure I wouldn’t have to do it… Why should I now change just because i have babies in the house?!
And even if I was doing it and enjoying it, what about the mental challenge, the work of the brain?!
Because, the same way you say it is impossible for a stay at home mum to be bored, the same way I’ll say you have to be half brain dead to consider cleaning and rearranging your house enough…
Not all mums stop having brains, ideas and the energy to build something that means something in our society. Your house is your castle, right so, but the world will not move forward if every body like you just stay home content with THEIR lives and their castles.
The world is your oyster and take a look outside, there is soooo much more to do then just staying at home rearranging your furniture!!
LOL Yes, I’m laughing because like several other “defensive” readers, you misread my post which I find rather confusing considering the fact I was VERY careful NOT to say everyone should be like me. Rather than rewrite the same response I made to them, I encourage you to read my other comment responses. However, I will say this directly to you…
Your first sentence was ENTIRELY inaccurate. I do not think every woman “should” be like me AT ALL. What I do HOPE is that women who stay at home CAN and WILL find other things that bring them happiness and that they CAN and WILL find the joy that comes with being with their child(ren) on a daily basis.
There is no reason that a stay at home mother should be a prisoner in her home. I think women should always find activities to stimulate their minds and that they shouldn’t ever stop learning. I believe women should definitely be educated and it adds to her being even a better mother! Also, there are so many opportunities to help other less fortunate people in the community. Going outside the home to expand our minds and stay involved in our community is vital.
I just don’t see the connection in thinking that women who stay home are brain dead in comparison to those who work outside the home. My daughter is almost 20 years old now. I stayed at home with her 7 years and the rest of the time, I worked outside the home. Now I work both outside the home AND inside the home, but she doesn’t need me to wipe her snotty nose anymore either. I am not and have never been brain dead. I have continually learned new things and experienced life on many different levels. Through different phases of life, I’ve been able to enjoy different joys and challenges. HOWEVER, I don’t think ANY work I’ve ever done is as important as raising my daughter. I also don’t think anything has been more fulfilling. So maybe if you reread the post with an open mind instead of thinking I’m accusing you, it will come across differently. I was accusing that mother in the grocery store as being an out of control woman who needs to get a grip.
For the record, I don’t often rearrange my furniture. It is heavy and I’m not that imaginative with interior design. LOL
You did not say those exact words, but please consider that the tone or your post sends the message that the way you feel and what you do is the “only way”. It comes across as crass and arrogant, if not offensive. I realize this is probably the point of your blog, but it’s not appealing to those of us who prefer sensitive and empathetic mindsets, especially to mothers who may be struggling with depression and boredom with being mothers (and hence, who Google “SAHM mom is boring” and come to your site). Defending yourself in long responses can’t make up for the original tone of your post, which is anything but humble.
I have written an update at the top of the post.
The original tone of my post is questioning and surprised bewilderment how women don’t enjoy staying home with their children because I DIDN’T FEEL THAT WAY. However, just because I didn’t feel that way, doesn’t mean other women feel like me. So my post asked the question and tried to help everyone see staying home in a different light.
Thank you for your comment.
Hello,
I understand why you are not bored with your work as a SAHM; I have been one for 9 years and until recently, it has been deeply rewarding and wonderful for me.
I want to suggest to you, however, that you approach this from a position of empathy and understanding. Boredom means lack of enjoyment in what you are doing, not getting fulfillment and not feeling like one is contributing toward something meaningful, and perhaps worst of all, knowing that you are not in the place you are meant to be.
Consider yourself in a situation where you would feel this way–it is different for everyone, but maybe let’s say you were a worker in a factory that had no windows. Let’s say this kind of job is something that doesn’t click with who you are and what you were meant to do with your life. Let’s say the job makes you miserable. And let’s go even further to say that the person who works next to you loves this job and is not bored with it; it is just what this person has always wanted to do with his or her life.
In a situation such as this, you would probably seek out something different. Or maybe you would just tough it out and keep the job, because it pays the bills and then some.
Consider that there are mothers out there who are not happy with their SAHM jobs. Perhaps they have not found their calling yet, and perhaps they are overworked and under-supported (as most are). Perhaps they have personal struggles that cloud their vision or don’t know how to get out of their rut. Perhaps they do not feel they have permission to be unhappy with their SAHM job or that they have permission to leave it–and let’s consider that this reason may be people who judge them harshly or make them feel like lesser beings because of their feelings.
When my feelings of joy started to wane, I knew it was time to expand. There was something calling me, and I was not able to give all of myself toward being a mother the way I had for nine years.
I sent my child to school (whom I homeschooled) and enrolled in graduate school. I started my own part-time business, too. I still care for my youngest child full-time, and combined with my other efforts, have great joy in my life again.
We are not “only” mothers; we are complex beings with paths that are unique and ever-changing.
Let’s respect the needs of ourselves and the needs of our fellow mothers; let’s embrace and celebrate our differences.
Peace,
Lisa
WORD!
Hello,
I came across your post today as I was trying to find something to entertain myself. I am a new stay at home mom of a 15 month old and am pregnant right now. I love my son more than anything, and that love is totally unconditional. However, I am a human being and I have needs as well that are outside of reading children’s book. I am happy for you that cooking and cleaning seem to be your life’s motivation, but some people just aren’t like that. I am not Betty homemaker and I have never aspired to be. Therefore yes I do get bored and tired of having no adult interaction…and contrary to what you may believe, that is normal. I am bored. Not everyone enjoy the cooking and the cleaning and the laundry…
I have written an update at the top of the post.
Everyone makes choices and BORED mothers do not have to stay home if they are THAT bored. Before you say that people don’t have a choice, believe me, you may not like the alternative, but if you are THAT bored, you don’t have to stay home with your child.
Do I look down my nose at anyone for anything? Never. Never ever. I have lived too long, seen too much and experienced too much unhappiness to ever look down my nose at anyone. The reason why I think there are so many negative responses is that everyone is defensive because they ARE bored and have been taught that motherhood is the epitome of wonderfulness. Now they are mothers at home and they don’t find it so thrilling, so they are defensive. BUT…no matter what the condition, each of us control our attitude. Women can be bored at home or they can do something about it and find a way to live fulfilling lives IN or OUT of the home. No one is stuck. Staying home AND being a mother is a choice.
Thank you for your comment.
And yes I have already read the other responses you have given..however the part where you ask the bored stay at home mother to “take a look in the mirror” and how you have a hard time understanding why anyone who stays at home could be bored. Well…maybe I have misread it but sorry, the overall tone of your post sounds very demeaning and condescending towards those who DO get bored at home. That’s probably why you have gotten so many negative responses.
I cannot shake the image of that lady in the supermarket. I know women like it, and one of those women is sometimes me. Yes, it is devastating for a child to hear those things, but it is equally devastating for the mother to feel like it. Who is there for her? What are her circumstances? Where is the father of her children? Does she get any help? How many people stop and judge her rather then invite her in for a cup of tea? Many of us dearly wanted our children, but you can never know how you will feel after they arrive. Loving our children does not prevent us from experiencing self doubt, guilt, stress, depression and yes, boredom. Mums need to support each other. If we want to help people in our community, I suggest we all find ‘that woman in the supermarket’ and find out how we can help her.
What we do as parents GREATLY affect our children.
Read this about my dad: Then
Then read about how it has affected me: Now
Do I blame him? No. Could he have done better? Maybe not. I don’t know all that was going on inside of him.
In my supermarket mother, I did not sympathize with the mother. I was worried about the child because it threw me back to my own innocent young self. That rejection has proven to be quite a hard thing to overcome in my life. I guess that is why I’m always on the child’s side in any situation. They are helpless, extremely impressionable and innocent.
Should we help the lady? Definitely if she wants it, but the lady has to start by recognizing that she needs help, then be willing to change. No one can do that for her and the desire has to come from within.
Thanks for your thoughtful comment, Jayne. I hope you have a great day.
You are so fortunate that you had time for your body to heal. For those of us who got only a hour of sleep at a time for 8 months, whose body rebelled against them for 5 years after the last child, and who literally sat in a chair most of the day, with their child propped at a certain angle so that the baby could sleep instead of cry due to digestion issues, eyes staring off into oblivion, we never got to heal. I went straight from zoned out, lack of sleep to trying to clean up what went to heck in a handbasket while I could barely move. While my husband worked and I stayed home, the grass grew to 4 feet in the front yard, I could just manage to get the laundry done, and dishes piled up for weeks. I was bored because all I could do what what had to be done. Bored does not mean not busy. It took 7 years to get things back to right, and by then, the house needed to be painted inside and out, the toilets needed repairs, pipes needed replacing, the roof leaked…with only one income, most of it I had to do myself. I’d have loved to read, or cook for pleasure or craft or anything. I counted myself lucky that my husband would come home and care for the children while I finally got a shower for the day, and 2 hours of sleep those first five years.
How can a stay at home mother be bored? Mix no time to herself, with children with disabilities, add in always playing catchup with chores that are never finished, blend with a school system that has no idea how to teach her children and assign homework that takes parent and child four hours to complete, sprinkle with other parents who cannot relate and wonder what you do with your time, leave in a house under a pile of laundry with a husband that is gone from home 2 weeks out of the month and you get a busy, bored mother.
The good news is that we all learned how to paint walls together. And the floor, but that’s another story.
{{{hugssss}}} and I love your last sentence…”The good news is that we all learned how to paint walls together. And the floor, but that’s another story.” Sounds like you have a happy family 😀
I am often bored at home. And, I understand why some other women are, too. I definitely understand that if one enjoys playing kid games and doing child oriented stuff, that one couldn’t possibly be bored at home. However, what if you don’t like to do that stuff? What if you find it tedious and BORING? What if I were to sit you down and make you do calculus allllllll day? Would you enjoy it? Day and in and day out for years? I would love to do that. I bet you wouldn’t. Does that make you a bad person or terrible mother because you wouldn’t enjoy it? Does it make me a bad person or terrible mother because I would? My house is sparkling clean and perfectly organized. I do play with my children most of the day and we spend plenty of time doing play dates, crafts, baking, exploring, learning, etc. But, just because I do it doesn’t mean I love it. I put on a happy face and do what a good mother should. BUT, I absolutely am bored out of my mind.
This may make you smile. Please read #14 on my ABOUT page: https://theredheadriter.com//about/
I’m sorry you are so bored and I’m not being condescending or sarcastic. I wish I could go back to those days when my daughter was young and do it all over again. I enjoyed it so much. I know that “growing up” is a part of life, but being a mother to a 20 year old is a far cry from being a mother to a young child who REALLY needed me.
Wow what an eye opener. I have been so selfish these last few months. I have a three year old daughter and a baby on the way. Since my daughter has been born we have traveled the world with her and I have worked heavily. Since we arrived back into the states I have not been working. My husband decided to work full time (as in overtime) and he uses the family car to go to and from work. Lets just say I have been a bit of an idler since we have settled. Not only that I have had a poor outlook on all of this and been so selfish. Everyday asking myself why am I being so ungrateful. I have a beautiful child and a healthy child in my womb and I feel so depressed and bored everyday. Taking it out in my husband everyday as well. Feeling like he owes me for carrying his child. Today I actually googled stay at home + bored + no car and came accross this article. Not only was this an eye opener it’s inspiring. Your so right about challenging myself with my house and giving my daughter more and more everyday. Don’t get me wrong we don’t have tv and I don’t call friends and say mean things around my daughter I actually keep Things locked in. I have just been a drag lately and I know this will reflect on my children. So thank you so much for this I have so many things i want to work on starting today.
“Not only was this an eye opener it’s inspiring.”
Thank you, Jami, for understanding the spirit in which I wrote this post. I hope you can find peace with your new role and all the demands of big family. {{{hugsss}}}
I came across this post after googling “bored stay at home mom”.
Your post wasn’t inspirational though. But it did make me laugh.
You come across as just another one of those mothers with grown children who have their rose colored glasses on. It seems your daughter is an adult now. Of course looking back everything seemed great. That’s the way it always is–especially if you miss it. Nostalgia lies.
And that woman at the grocery store, I have only empathy. She probably reached her breaking point, which is different for everybody. You have one too. God forbid anybody see you at your breaking point and write about it in a sanctimonious blog post.
I also see you only had one child. Let me tell you, when I was a SAHM with just one it was easy peasy, and actually fun! With more than one it’s a whole different ballgame. As a stay at home mother of only one, you have no insight into anything more than that. You have no idea.
And before you write this off as just another “defensive” response: just because people find what you say is ridiculous or false does not mean they’re defensive. But of course you can keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better about being so arrogant and ignorant.
My memory hasn’t slipped a bit. I was EXTREMELY happy taking care of and raising two young children. Being a mother was what I wanted to do more than anything else. What I did when I stayed home was fun and satisfying for me. Just because other mothers don’t like doing those things doesn’t mean that I look down my nose at them. I am not arrogant, nor am I ignorant. Different strokes for different folks. However, we all get one shot at everyday, so fill it with the things that bring happiness. If women are bored, they should find something to do to help them not be bored. Being bored is a horrible waste of one’s life and it is very sad.
“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.”
-Helen Keller
Sherry, I also found your post after googling “bored stay at home mom” however my experience in reading it felt extremely inspirational!
I think I was looking for validation that my Bored Feelings were ok, a normal part of being a SAHM. What I left with is a renewed feeling of hope and joy. I remember now, I CHOSE THIS! I decided that, and I still honestly believe that raising my children myself, being here for them is the best way for me and our family. Despite the financial hardships, colic, endless sleepless nights – I WANTED to be there for all of this boredom! And its OK. I believe people under value parenting, most especially motherhood and this is what makes women feel that they are “just” staying at home with the kids. Mommas, you are raising the next generation of citizens! Does that really have less value than going out into the work force? You can help shape the world, so how will you do it? And if there are clothes to be cleaned, dinners to be made, infinite stories and games to read and play? Seems like a pretty ok deal to me.
You are right, women are hard on one another and I don’t understand this. We should all realize that we are trying to do the same job as best as we can. I see how people are picking their particular ‘worries’ or perhaps ‘guilts’ to jump on you about and I see how careful your wording is to be non judgmental (and I believe you truly feel that way) but people will see what the want to see.
Thank you for setting me back on track, hon!
Thank you SO MUCH for your comment Tamara!
“We should all realize that we are trying to do the same job as best as we can.” Yes! It is the same job, but with different players. We can learn so much from each other!!
{{{hugsssss}}}
I am a stay at home mom and work from home and it’s so easy to do they gave me the steps to do it and it was completely free come and join me and the best part is it is Completely Free to join and yes you do make money
That’s great Rachael. Good luck!
I don’t quite see how this wouldn’t be insulting towards women who don’t particularly like being stay at home mum’s. Think of it in this perspective: Some women are natural born workers like there are natural born home-makers, but when it comes down to it, it all depends on your money situation to be able to pick and choose which one you want to be.
Some women don’t engage with their children on that same level as you obviously do, it doesn’t mean that they love their children less or that they don’t look after them properly it just means that they don’t particularly see a clingy, dependant, needy child as really engaging and would prefer to be challenged by work projects and adults around their age.
Thanks Natalie for your comment!
I am a stay at home mum who is less than satisfied with staying at home and at times bored.
A person who is intelligent, loving, caring and a good parent can be a stay at home mum or dad and struggle with boredom.
A life with children can have moments of unparalleled joy and beauty in every day. I still get bored. More some days then others. Cleaning my house until it sparkles or making sure dinner is well planned out by early morning doesn’t interest my mind. I have a mind and it needs something a little more substantial to eat.
Sorry it has taken me so long to answer, Emily, but it has been a bit crazy here for a few weeks.
I’m sorry you are bored sometimes, but only you can change that situation. There are places you can go and things you can do to expand your mind. Talking to toddlers does not require a huge vocabulary, so I do understand how stay-at-home-parents need more substantial conversations.
Thank you for this post. I have two degrees and have found the transition to motherhood extremely hard. I spend so much time wondering how to make it better, but not knowing how. I am in awe of your enthusiasm and joy at mothering and it gives me so much hope – it IS possible to love being a mother to two small children (I have boys aged 2 and 4). The frustration and overwhelm I feel every day with the fighting, the misbehaviour, the endless mess, the state of the house – it is out of control and the complete opposite to my working life which was very organised, controlled and successful. I want to change things, I want my children to be content and happy, but at present I feel that their moods and ‘discontent’ seem to mirror mine. I know I need to get organised, but I just don’t know how (I will be exploring the rest of your website!). I like the idea of approaching running a home and being a mother as a challenge – like my career was. I feel like such a failure sometimes in the home, whereas I was so successful and respected at work. It’s very difficult.
I loved reading this. Yes, in some ways it is an ‘ideal’, but why the hell not? Deep down it’s the kind of mother I long to be.
Thank you for your comment Rose. Right now I am unemployed since being laid off. “I was so successful and respected at work. It’s very difficult.” For me right now, I feel exactly the same way. As long as you love your children and keep trying to be a good mother, you will NOT be a failure!!! I wish that I had the knowledge and wisdom back then that I have now. There are so many things I would have done differently! Hindsight can drive me crazy sometimes!
I really loved your last line…”Yes, in some ways it is an ‘ideal’, but why the hell not? Deep down it’s the kind of mother I long to be.” I see everything that way because I want to be better at everything. I want to constantly improve upon myself.
By the way, I saw the picture of your sons helping you in the kitchen. They are adorable!!!
Truly glad for your Sahm success. I really want to know how you did the cleaning part? Like timelines etc. I feel like I could do it- I just can’t get organized:) growing up I just never saw it and just don’t know how.
Being organized does ensure that everything gets finished and each home will have their own schedule. I always found it easiest to break up tasks over the week so that I didn’t have to spend one whole day doing chores and cleaning. One thing that I still do even though my daughter is grown is that I clean the bathroom either right after I get out of the shower. By cleaning it/wiping it down everyday, the bathroom is not only always clean, but it isn’t hard to keep clean. Start with a list of everything you need to do each week and then set a time to do each task. The longer you follow the pattern, the easier it is to keep everything clean. Good luck!
Dear Sherry
Thank you, thank you & thank you for writing this post! I’m so blessed to have stumbled on your blog, and reading this post has really helped me shift me perspective about being a stay-at-home mom. Thank you again.
Thank you so much for your sweet comment Liz! {{{{hugssss}}}}
I can’t see the comments?
There was a glitch with all the comments on my blog and I believe it has been fixed now. 🙂 Thanks!
I’ll try to answer your question to the best of my ability, that is if you are willing to accept a view point that isn’t your own and maybe at the same time I can share a bit about myself.
Some girls like me have never baby sat, held a baby or were around children growing up, yet I’ve been told I do a great job as a new time mom. I was usually always tinkering with stuff instead of playing dress up and house. Just because we are female and have a child does not mean we HAVE to like watching barney, cleaning 5 times a day, making food for everyone else even though we haven’t ate anything for days, answering questions all the time.. etc. In the house hold I grew up in, cleaning was a punishment. Not doing what you wanted was a punishment. Acting like a “proper” lady until they were statisfied, was a punishment.
Of course, I had dreams, like actually working at legitimate job that requires brain power or skilled labor. You carry things with you when you get older, and for me that stuff did it! Now, I go around my adult life thinking I’m a slave to my very loving boyfriend just because I stay at home, clean and watch our daughter. His job pays less than my last job, and he has told me that will be his job the rest of his life. -.- I’m extremely ashamed to say, that we get by mostly off state hand outs.
So maybe that mom you saw in the super market has a completely unambitious male partner that can’t bring home the bacon but she could. Maybe nobody shows her attention because she isn’t around other people or they don’t call her anymore because she has a child. Sometimes the baby’s dad is a selfish and arrogant guy who thinks that our job is to put up with the crap they bring to the table, and thinks we NEED them.
You would be bored too if you had nothing to look forward to because all enjoyment of being a stay at home mom, someone has made impossible for you to have.
I am open minded and know that every circumstance is different.
You said, “Sometimes the baby’s dad is a selfish and arrogant guy who thinks that our job is to put up with the crap they bring to the table, and thinks we NEED them.” I believe we always have a choice. We may not like either choice, but we always have a choice. You have the choice to remain with a “selfish and arrogant guy” and continue putting up with his “crap” or you can leave him to start a new life. The choice is yours nonetheless.
“You would be bored too if you had nothing to look forward to because all enjoyment of being a stay at home mom, someone has made impossible for you to have.” No. If I discovered that the man I fell in love with ended up being a “selfish and arrogant guy who thinks that our job is to put up with the crap they bring to the table,” I would leave/divorce him. How can I say that so bluntly? Because I did leave a “selfish and arrogant guy who [thought] that [my] job [was] to put up with the crap they bring to the table.” I am not going to be subjected to anyone who does not appreciate and respect me.
I also could not be with someone who did not have ambition to improve and was contented to watch me and my child go without. I know men who work three jobs to support their family. They don’t have much of a personal life, but they are happy because they know that their family is provided for and don’t lack the necessities of life.
So no, I would not be bored because if I had nothing to look forward to, I was obviously in the wrong place and would make choices to change my condition. It all boils down to the fact that I have rights and can make choices everyday. I do not have be with someone who does not treat me the way I want to be treated no matter what that treatment may include. I encourage you to live a life that will make you happy. Make the choices that will give you something to look forward to everyday instead of feeling trapped in a life you don’t enjoy and find boring.
The woman at the supermarket, well while she could have kept her comments a little more PC around her kid, I have full blown empathy for her.
See, I’ve been at breaking point before. I know what it is like to feel like you need to escape for an hour to breathe and to just be alone with yourself. To feel like yourself again.
I suffer from anxiety and depression, and I’m a stay at home solo mother. And I’m bored out of my brains. See, not everyone is a natural caretaker. I for one am not, and even though I love my kid and would give my life for her, I require support and regular breaks so that I may gain back my sanity and be the best parent I can be. I find motherhood very challenging, boring, scary, and exhausting.
I know that will come as a shock, that I don’t enjoy it like how I’m “supposed” to, like the pressure that society puts on women especially to be the stereotypical SAHM who loves every minute of motherhood and acts like a robot with no feelings of burnout and wanting to feel liberated by having a life outside motherhood.
Don’t pity me. It is more normal than you think, but mothers are too afraid to speak up about their true feelings in fear of being judged. Because these mothers try to be the best mothers to their children and don’t want to feel more guilty than what they already do by people who have been brainwashed into thinking that being a good parent means loving every minute of it, having no negative feelings toward it, and not needing a life outside the role of motherhood.
Well I do need a life outside of motherhood. I feel like I’ve lost myself by becoming a mother. Does that make me a bad mum? No, that makes me human.
Do I feel guilty? Heck yes I do, but I try my very best every single day to be good enough for my daughter.
So a SAHM who is bored is the least of your worries, really. But may I suggest a little bit of open minded ness and empathy can go a long way for a mother like me who is not only bored out of my brains, but struggles with the role.
Like I said before, boredom is a choice. Sorry you are bored, but you can change it and ONLY YOU can change it.
The woman in the supermarket was WRONG to say those things in front of her child and once she did so, any empathy I might have felt for her disappeared.
I stay at home… and while I am so busy that I can’t even sit, inside I am so so so bored. I hate cleaning the same mess over and over and over. I love it enough to stay at home. I would leave the kids. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t boring. The whining, the cleaning, breaking up the fighting. I don’t like repeating myself over and over. You are being judgemental in this old post. I can tell you are old and I think you are being an asshole. That mother in the grocery store was tired. You have a 20 year old. You FORGOT.
Typo: I meant to write .. I wouldn’t leave my children to go back to work.
My response to you is here: https://theredheadriter.com//2015/05/being-a-selfish-mother-and-disrespectful-blog-commenter/
Sherry, I know this is an old post, but I really like it. You remind me a lot of my mother, and how she was with as a youngster. I now am married, mother of a 2 year old and a 1 year old. I some days get bored being home all day so much that I decided to go back to school. I suppose that is mostly just for me so I can have a good career while they are in school. I do find the is post uplifting because what you say makes me feel like I need to do more to make myself happy. Time goes so fast with our children and it’s so important to make memories with them. I find my best days with my kids are the ones where I unplug from technology and play, read, talk, and cook a good meal for my family! Some days I get bored and restless but I think that is normal. What I take from reading this is that I’m very blessed to have what I have, and it’s OK to not always have a great day so that when I do I can fully enjoy it!
Sometimes reading a different perspective on something is helpful. We don’t all have to agree or live in the same manner, but we can uplift other moms to see their full potential. One thing that does bug me about today’s view on a stay at home mother is that they are lazy or uneducated in some form.. like the thought oh they just have nothing better to do. It can put a lot of pressure on me some days to remind myself I’m doing a very important job raising these 2 beautiful girls. My me time is school! I love to learn!
Thanks
Reva
I’m a stAy at home mom of three not bored just so tired. And I’d really love to speak to someone over the age of 5. Lol
LOL!!!
This is a fascinating post – and clearly written by someone who only had 1 child! When you only have 1 child, you’re fully in control. Of course it’s satisfying!
When you have more than 1, there is so much more to juggle than you could ever imagine. And the long relaxing nursing sessions you enjoyed? No way! Not with a toddler running around. It’s always hard to imagine a situation when you’ve not been in it.
I only gave birth to 1 child, but I raised 2. AND I was never and have never been fully in control of my anyone except for myself.
I appreciate your comment and sorry that you did not have relaxing nursing experiences because it is something all mothers should get to enjoy.
You didn’t touch on the SAHM moms that are depressed to the point of thoughts of suicide. My kids would be better off without me. Reading your article just makes me feel that even more. Maybe once I’m gone they will get a mother like you. They really do deserve it.
If that’s how you feel, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. Suicide is not the answer and your children would not be better off without you.