When Dad actually passed away, my heart exploded with pain. I am so grateful that he didn’t have to linger long and suffer the way I know so many people do when they have cancer, but it really didn’t lessen the agony of having him leave.
Dad had a lovely service and he had even written a goodbye letter. It was nice to know that he loved me as he proclaimed it to all who were attending the farewell in the same church where he married my mother almost fifty years ago. Words of love, hope and comfort were spoken by all and the choir raised their voices to the songs that Dad has chosen to be sung.
It was just so sad for so many reasons. I can’t pick up the phone and call him any more. There won’t be another holiday that he will share with the family. There is no possible place that I can go to get a hug from Dad or hear him say he loves me. I feel as though a piece of me is gone and I guess it really is gone.
I keep trying to tell myself that life is just a blink and before I know it we will be together again, but I do not feel any comfort in that knowledge today. I even know that he is happy with all those that have gone before and I am so thrilled for his happiness, but that just doesn’t lighten the sad loneliness I feel as he continues to run through my heart.
I want to thank all of you for offering prayers and comfort in many forms. Tina from Little Tots Big Ideas sent me this poem and I thought I would share it with you since it is so beautifully written.
by Susan A. Jackson
May I Go? May I go now?
Do you think the time is right?
May I say good-bye to pain-filled days
and endless lonely nights?
I’ve lived my life and done my best,
an example tried to be.
So can I take that step beyond
and set my spirit free?
I didn’t want to go at first,
I fought with all my might.
But something seems to draw me now
to a warm and loving light.
I want to go. I really do.
It’s difficult to stay.
But I will try as best I can
to live just one more day,
To give you time to care for me
and share your love and fears.
I know you’re sad and so afraid,
because I see your tears.
I’ll not be far, I promise that,
and hope you’ll always know
that my spirit will be close to you,
wherever you may go.
Thank you so for loving me.
You know I love you too.
That’s why it’s hard to say good-bye
and end this life with you.
So hold me now, just one more time
and let me hear you say,
because you care so much for me,
you’ll let me go today.
Most people just die suddenly and no one has the opportunity to tell them goodbye. I have thought a lot about that and so, I’ve already told Mom that I love her more than words can say and that I will miss her desperately when she is no longer here on this earth. I even told Alyssa as we were driving back home that I am so grateful to have her as my daughter and have cherished every moment.
I want all my relationships to be neat and tidy with love coming and going without regret. That is even part of the reason why I write this blog. If I can post ten years of “Happy Birthday” posts filled with love to each of my family members just in case I am not around, I think that alone would make it well worth the effort.
Before I close this post, let me just say that I am truly thankful for my family – their love and sacrifices on my behalf. There are simply no words to thank my mother for giving me life and teaching me how to choose the better part and the way to incorporate it into my every choice. I am thankful for my beautiful and loving daughter who has made my life worth living and gave it more meaning than anything else I have ever done. My heart is full of appreciation for my friends both seen and unseen – their generosity, patience, thoughtful kindnesses and assistance with so many endeavors and experiences. Most of all, I am thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who gave me the opportunity to return to Him some day. I believe He allowed me to be born in this era and location with the people and opportunities that have made my life so rich with love.
Take the time to appreciate all the people, things and opportunities that enrich your life and share your grateful heart while you have the time.
Dad loved listening to Elvis Presley sing and so I leave you now with one of his favorites which he wanted played as the closing song at his service.
Goodbye Dad, I’m missing you already.
Loving you forever and thinking of you always…
until we meet again,
Your Little Red
You are in my thoughts and prayers. Give yourself time to grieve. You will not get over this quickly. But at least as Christians we know we will see our loved ones again!
I am so, so sorry. There are really no words. I lost my dad a few years ago and this poem was meaningful to me:
…maybe for leaving us too often or
forever when we were little maybe
for scaring us with unexpected rage
or making us nervous because there seemed
never to be any rage there at all
for marrying or not marrying our mothers
for divorcing or not divorcing our mothers
and shall we forgive them for their excesses
of warmth or coldness shall we forgive them
for pushing or leaning for shutting doors
for speaking only through layers of cloth
or never speaking or never being silent
in our age or in theirs or in their deaths
saying it to them or not saying it –
if we forgive our fathers what is left
"Forgiving Our Fathers" by Dick Lourie
I am so sorry honey to hear about the loss of your dad.
It is so hard to loose your parents. I have lost both of mine and it is a very hard so my prayers for you and your family.
I too want Elvis singing at my funeral and this is such a perfect song so glad you shared this with us
Take care
Maggie
I am so terribly sorry to read about your Dad's passing…
Sending you my deepest sympathies and prayers and blessings during this difficult time… It is never easy to lose a parent… I miss my dad too. Many hugs and blessings to you and your family. I am thinking of and praying for all of you.
Blessings,
Elizabeth
We're all here for you Red
Red. I am so sorry for your loss of your Dad. I sure know how that feels. Having lost both my parents now and having no siblings makes one feel pretty alone on this planet. i mean, i have my loved ones, but it is just different when our parents are no longer with us. i'm sending lots of prayers your way, as you deal with your grief. it is not an easy thing, and it will take lots of time. take special care of you, red.
with my deepest sympathy, poet.
Sorry does not say enough in this situation, ever. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family.
May the strength of all your angels fall upon you in this difficult time.
Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow
I have been and still am thinking about you every day.
I have no words, I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
I am so very sorry for your loss! It has been a little over 11 years since my dad passed from cancer and it still sends a jolt through me on occasion.
:o(
Bless your heart~
Lisa @
All That and a Box of Rocks
Beautiful post. The poem and the song, your words, wonderful. Very sorry to read your news. May comfort and love help you slowly heal.
Red, I have no words of comfort. I want you to know however that I am here thinking of you. Love from my heart to yours
I am so sorry about your loss. When my dad passed, six years ago, I gave this poem to my mother. When she died, just seven moths later, I found comfort in that same poem.
And if I go while you are still here..
Know that I live on,
vibrating to a different measure
-behind a thin veil you can not see through.
You will not see me,
so you must have faith.
I wait the time when we can soar together again,
-both aware of each other.
Until then, live your life to the fullest.
And when you need me,
Just whisper my name in your heart,
…….I will be there.
author unknown.
I, too, feel your pain. And although it is true that the pain will lessen over time…..there will also be times that your breath will be taken away by the pain of a memory that flashes in your mind. The aftermath of that pain will leave you weak, but filled with a gratefulness that you will never have known without the passing of the person you loved. With their passing, comes an appreciation for the contributions they made to your life. Bless you Red
Cinnamon
I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you had an excellent father.
The poem made me cry.
Dear red
I lost also my dad over a month ago to heart failure.he was 68.i feel like i’m floating on air.i don’t even know how i got through all of those days because they seemed like a breeze.i miss him so much. Sometimes i forget he is not here anymore.Yesterday ,my mom showed me pictures of my dad which he took home from his office desk when he retired.when i wad looking at them ,i saw a picture of me when i was 7 or 8 years old,playing the piano.i have four other siblings ,all male but it was only my picture i saw there.then i remembered him saying that i was his baby girl when i was little.How i love miss having him around.
I am so sorry that you have lost your dad at such a young age. I still can’t believe my father has passed and at times the pain still just pierces my heart. I had so much I wanted to still share with him and I’m sad that I’ll never get those opportunities.
What a lovely comfort to know that he had your picture with him every single day while he was at work. That has to bring your heart warm joy. {{HUGE hugssss}} for you!
There’s this woman who post your writing but didn’t even credited you. She made it looked like she wrote that message for her father who passed away. I understand she’s still grieving but for her to plagiarize your work is not acceptable. You can find it in Facebook and her name is Ana Liza R. Conste. I prefer to be unanimous because I know this woman personally.
Thanks for telling me, but I don’t see her on Facebook. If you leave a link, I’ll be able to see her. 😀