I’m sure my mother went through labor for such a long time with me because I didn’t want to be born. Somehow I knew that life was going to be really hard at times and that I was going to hurt.
I don’t do pain well.
This year has been unkind.
First, many people in my family have lost their jobs because of the horrible economy.
A few months ago, my daughter’s tragedy happened from which I still have not recovered.
Literally.
I live in a foggy nightmare of continually re-experiencing those horrifying moments of finding my dying child.
Maybe that will help you understand why going to work has been so very hard for me to do.
I don’t even fake happiness very well any more. I think I look atrocious with black circles under my eyes that I cannot cover and a forced smile.
And now…
A few hours ago my dad’s phone rang.
Monday, Dad went to the doctor to have the pulled muscle in his leg checked and get routine blood tests.
Today they called him and through heaving, racking sobs, he dialed my number to tell me that he has cancer in his lung.
My hands are shaking while I type this post and my heart feels so unbearably heavy.
I know that God did not promise us this sojourn would be easy. I know that Jesus Christ had a life filled with great hardships. I do not feel more special than Him, so why do I have the notion that I shouldn’t suffer so much pain??
In the Bible, Isaiah 40:29 reads:
“He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.”
I have little, to no might.
There is no light at the end of the tunnel today.
All the motivational thoughts and cute quips don’t touch my ache.
It is just too much.
My. Dad. has. lung. cancer.
Life is not a party.
Now I remember that quote by Helen Keller that I often find comfort reading.
“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”
Humble, sad and scared,
I don't know what to say…I am so very sorry for the many, many trials you are facing now. You are remarkable for you know to turn to the scriptures and to the Lord for strength. I can offer you no advice, no words, only the promise that you are in my prayers. Again, I am so very sorry!
I'm so very sorry for the trials and pains that you and your family have experienced. I know first hand how difficult this is for you. I pray your strength as you endure these times of "Why Lord?" and the pain of loss. God is the only answer and no other words but His alone will heal your heart and get you all through. My nephew at five drowned, My mom at 59 died of cancer, my best friend at 40 died of cancer in the same year, and now as of July 18 my son's best friend 11 drowned in a lake with a 17 year old boy who tried to save his life and in turn loss his own…Tragedy, hurts, pains, sleepless nights, and fake smiles…until God drops the smile in our hearts again for all eternity…we do what we can do to make it through.
Continue to trust the Lord and I will continue to trust Him as well. Blessings upon you, your child, your dad, you, your family. Blessings upon you…Lovey
I know at this time your heart is heavy, your mind is burdened and your soul weary. Hold on! For God will not forsake you or your Dad for He told us so!
Whispering a prayer tonight for you, your Dad and family. Bless you all!
Every evening I turn my worries over to God. He's going to be up all night anyway. ~Mary C. Crowley
Hi
I'm sorry that all of these things are happening to you. I know that its said that the Lord won't give us more than we can handle, but it's hard to deal with sometime.
Praying for you.
Sherri
Oh Red, I wish I had something I could say that would help ease some of the burdens you are carrying right now. I will pray for you and your father, as well as the rest of your family.
Not sure what to say, especially when I know that there are times when no amount of words help.
Sending you lots of love and will say plenty of prayers for you and you family.
I am SO SORRY!! You are such a support to so many, it's our turn! Tell us what we can do to help…
Did they say what stage? Is it operable? ((HUGS))
Well, you have LOTS of character!! Time for the success to arrive!!
Only DO what you can do… Sometimes it's OK to let things go for a bit to readjust to things that knock you off track.
My heart, love and prayers are with you!! <3
So sorry to hear about your dad. Will keep him, you and your family in my prayers.
Words seem so inadequite. Praying for you as you continue to carry this burden….
I am so sorry for all that you are dealing with right now. I will say a prayer for you and your family.
You all are so kind and such a strength when I am feeling so very weak.
I can't sleep tonight. I just keep hearing his sobbing cries and I'm so sad for him.
Thank you so much for your prayers. I appreciate all your words and prayers.
Sending you ? and {{HUGS}}
I am praying!!!!
My blog post today is pure fluff. I'm thankful I'm at a moment in life where I can share such stuff, because of course there has been pain in my life.
I believe pain is what unites us–like the pain (mixed with great Joy) of Jesus' dying for us.
I so want to comment in a way that will comfort you, but what you wrote about is so big, I'm kidding myself about finding such right words.
So, a kindredness on some level will have to do. I have been the "breadwinner" for three years now. My parents have both died, my dad of cancer. So I'll offer a shared pain and a prayer.
Oh Red, I am so sorry! It is so hard losing our parents. I am praying for your father, and for you right now. You have had so much to deal with and yet you have helped so many of us, your online friends. If you need to talk to someone, we are all here for you now.
My heart hurts for you right now. My dad has been gone a year and a half. It is so hard. I am glad you are sharing this burden.
I always try to say something positive and uplifting to people who are going through rough times. But I don't think God gets mad at us when during some hard trials we take a moment to say…"Sometimes life just stinks!" That being said, you know the Lord is in charge…He has a purpose for everything. He truly loves you. Just hold onto the blessing that he gave you when your daughter's life was given back. That truly was a miracle and a great gift of love from Him to you!
I am so sorry to hear of your hardships, pain and loss! Be strong … unfortunately we don't have any choice.
http://www.karynclimans.com
i am so sorry friend. i hope that you can keep your thoughts to everything positive.
Oh Red, I don't know what to say, I've dealt with loss before, but never cancer, I will be praying for you, and your father, <3
I'm sorry life is sad for you at this moment. It seems we all must heave our burdens and search for the silver lining. I hope things look up for you soon. My thoughts are with you and yours.
My heart is hurting for you, I am crying as I type. I have you my prayers, and send my love. I know you will find God's strength to help your dad on the road ahead. Leave nothing unspoken. Sending love and prayers. XO
There is always hope. don't give up. I'll be praying for you and your Dad.
Sometimes in life I find myself too long in the valley and I long for the mountain tops. I hope you find your mountain top again really soon. God hears our prayers and He sees our tears. He is very much aware of your situation and the things that concern you. All of my close family is gone on to be with the Lord including my mother who died at 50 from cancer and my youngest son at 10 years from cancer.
I pray that God will give you the strength and comfort you need right now.
I don't know what to say here. I'd like to offer you comforting words but the only words that come to mind is to spend every second that you can with him. Letting him know that you love him.
Silky
http://www.silkytiesdreams.com
You are not walking alone in this dark tunnel. Friends are all around you.
I want to write something that will ease the pain and realize that there are times when all we can do is reach our hand out to others and hope that the gesture gives them support.
I don't know why there is so much pain on the planet right now. I see it everywhere I turn. I can't help think that we are being prepared for something much bigger than we can imagine. Some shift…
I hope you find some comfort from your virtual support system. Know that our prayers are extended your way.
I am sorry for your pain!
so sorry-will pray for you & yours
It is ok to feel low and down. it is ok to not look great – well, you arent. It is ok not to fake what you dont feel.
Please be kind and gentle to yourself. It is a very hard yaer for you. I am so sorry for you. As it is so hard, please do not be hard on yourself.
I keep you in my thoughts.
Are you attending grief therapy? group sessions? Trauma can be overcome. The faster you seek help, the less it can settle. Love from my hearts to yours.