I’ve been rather blue lately, so staying motivated and positive has been a real struggle. I know that everything passes eventually, but I’m one of the unlucky souls that feels everything deeply. In a way, it has made me a better person because I am sincere, passionate, ambitious, loving, and will give you anything whether it be my possessions, time, or listening ear, but none of that really makes it any easier. When you have a problem, no matter who you are, it is a struggle.
I don’t really expect anything back except to be loved and appreciated. I can’t be bought with “things” or “money”…maybe chocolate…just kidding. I’m simple like that and as the years are rolling by, I’m getting more simple.
On the flip side, I worry constantly about everything and everyone. It doesn’t matter if you are my family or a homeless person on the television news, I feel pained at your unhappiness and misfortune. That is one reason I can’t watch too much news…it makes me cry all the time.
My family is relatively small and we have been pretty close through the years. With the modern conveniences of email and text messaging, we have been able to stay in touch without actually seeing each other, but nothing really replaces a face-to-face visit. I have been dreading the eventual day that Alyssa grows up and moves out. I try to prepare, but it hangs over my head like the dreaded doom.
Anyway, Alyssa is my only child and truly the sunshine of my morning. She is a culmination of all the things I could wish for in a child. I’m not a perfect mother and I haven’t been able to shower her with every conceivable material item that becomes hot, but I have done my best to provide her with the most important thing of all…love. I know Alyssa loves me for me which is all I’ve ever wanted as a person or a mother. I look at her all the time with her bouncy blond hair, big brown eyes, and smooth skin and think, “How did I ever deserve having her as MY child?”
Last night was one of those moments that makes living all worth it. She came to me and said,
- “I’m so glad you’re my mother. Because of all the things you have taught me, I am able to be the person that I am and know the things that I know. I really appreciate you and love you.”
Needless to say, you know I immediately cried. Here stands a beautiful, young woman staring at me saying these words. I don’t think life can really get much better than that moment.
So sweet! I'm sorry you've been feeling blue lately…we all go through moments like that. It's wonderful that your daughter gave you something to smile (well, or cry with joy) about.
Wow, so wonderful that she sees that at that age. Good for you both. You're both very lucky to have each other.
Such a very beautiful post. I can completely relate to some of what you are saying. We should be related. Your daughter is beautiful and an obvious blessing to you. Thank you for sharing with us all!
It's moments like these that make being a Mom one of the greatest jobs in the world. Like you I have just one daughter and she too is the sunshine in my life. You are both very lucky to have each other.
Priceless…you must be doing something right to raise a daughter like that.
you have come to me so often as a young girl to say almost the same words. As I breezed in and out last night I carried your vision home with me. Sitting there in your pjs you look so much like a girl. As I scooped up Alyssas hair and buried my face in it and got lost in the fragrance of her, I was over come with love for the two of you. She will never know how much her Nanny loves her, but you know how I love you. You experience it every moment with Alyssa. The picture on the right looks like you. Now you know how mom loved you and Audrey. Thank you for being my daughter and giving me Alyssa.
Mom
Reading your entry today, I believe you have a compassionate and merciful heart. Yours is the heart of an intercessor. I understand how you feel because I also have an only child and very beautiful daughter. She talks about moving to other countries already. I jokingly tell her that it's too far away from "mom" but I won't stand in her way. If it's what God wants for her, who am I to interfere. Of course, I also tell her I'm going to move/go with her. 🙂 LOL! It's at that moment when I get that long, drawn out "mmmooommm!" LOL! Check out my blog list and see a link I have to an upcoming Summer blog. It's entitled "Raising Homemakers".
She is a beautiful girl. I know all too well the pain/joy of having an only child and feeling things deeply. My child is 21 now and I was very lucky she decided to live at home and commute to college. I wasn't ready to let her go yet…I'm still not ready.
I love reading your blog because I too, am a soft heart, I appolize not for my heart. But I often think that the world around me doesn't understand. I can cry for days over a dead deer I see along the road. And I too have to watch out for news. So once again, thanks for making my heart smile.
now I'm crying! I love reading about the uncomplicated love you 3 generation of women have for each other!
Your daughter is a beauty and a blessing!! I am happy to hear that she appreciates you! Don't sweat the passion, tears and emotion, you are a writer, an artist and this comes with this creative deep job! I totally get it! Hang in there….the sun will come out tomorrow!